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Accordions Can Cry: Music for Healing Among Latinos

Posted on September 10, 2009 - by Angelica Fajardo

“Kiss the casket,” my mom instructed, “that way you won’t have ‘susto’.”[1] I was sixteen years old looking at my Grandpa’s body as he lay in his casket. I stared at his chest, and I swear, I could see it rise and fall. “He’s alive,” I thought, “Can’t they all see he’s alive?” I didn’t know why I needed to kiss the casket, but I followed suit and did as the others did. There were hundreds of people present, and yet the church was silent. The silence was broken by the sound of nearing footsteps. I watched a man walk down […]

Cleaning the ‘Emotional Closet’ After a Loss

Posted on September 9, 2009 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

We put all kinds of things inside of closets. There are things you expect to find inside this storage space: sweaters, dresses, and shoes. Then there are the other things that you can’t find a place for somewhere else in the house: old yearbooks, memory boxes, or last year’s tax returns. Perhaps there are mothballs, spider webs, or the odd price tag dropped from a purchased item. Closets are useful partly because you can shut the doors to conceal any messiness that might be found inside. I suppose that is why we use the concept of closets when describing emotional […]

Brother Struggles to Say Something as Sister is Dying

Posted on September 8, 2009 - by John Pete

Michael writes in: My sister is dying of breast cancer. I don’t know how to be with her. I want to say something but so far I only speak to myself. John Pete resonds: Hi Michael. It can be very difficult to be with someone who is dying and we often try too hard to think of the “right” things to say or do. It can help to think about how you would want to be treated in their situation. Dying is not only about dying – it is about living out a life while coping with a terminal illness. I commend you […]

Angel Moms

Posted on September 8, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox I found a web site bereaved mothers may be interested in looking at and even joining. The site is www.angelmoms.com . Through their pain, these mothers have bonded together to offer each other love, support and understanding, something we all need. Their email group of moms chats daily, sharing tears and laughter. As I opened the site, the song “You’ll Never Walk Alone” played in the background. I felt very comfortable and comforted looking at this lovely site and reading about what they have done for each other and for others out there, not even members. If […]

How to Politely Decline Offers of Help While Grieving

Posted on September 8, 2009 - by Stephanie Frogge

Laura writes in: My father just died and my mother, a new widow, is getting lots of well-meaning invitations to lunches, dinners, etc. She is the type of person to worry more about other people than herself but the invitations are too much. I am trying to help her find the words to politely decline and guide people to ‘back off’. How do you politely decline social invitations when you’re just not ready to be around people after you become a widow? Dear Laura, What a compassionate daughter you are that in the midst of your own grief you are […]

Poem: God’s Greatest Work of Art

Posted on September 8, 2009 - by Mitch Carmody

God’s Greatest Work of Art If a picture is worth a thousand words And nothing worthwhile is ever lost Then what is the value of memories For those who paid the highest cost? When a parent loses a child Words become a useless tool There is nothing to be said to undo the hurt And feeble attempts are only cruel A hug heart to heart in warm embrace Surpasses any useless phrase Shared tears and shared memories More healing than funeral sprays A photograph is a moment in time And sometimes it can capture our soul A place we can […]

How the Cemetery Helped After the Death of My Son

Posted on September 8, 2009 - by Anne Dionne

For me, the cemetery is a quiet and peaceful place. A quick walk or turn of the car wheels through the gate is like entering a different world. I leave the noise and cares behind as I enter the place where time loses meaning, and rest is eternal. When I was an adolescent, I enjoyed an occasional walk with a close friend through the cemetery near my childhood home. The cemetery was a mystical place. As we strolled along its narrow roads, we read with curiosity the names and dates on the grave markers. We pondered what the life of […]

When You Don’t Get to Say ‘Goodbye’ at the Very End

Posted on September 7, 2009 - by Tony Falzano

Towards the end of her life, my mom had a number of health issues. These included high blood pressure, diabetes, heart failure and eventually, kidney failure where she needed dialysis. In the fall of 1999, her right leg began to turn black and blue. It was diagnosed that her heart was not strong enough to pump the blood to the lower extremity. To correct this, mom had surgery on her artery to increase the blood flow. She came through the operation fine. She was alert that afternoon and was able to converse. The next day, the hospital staff tried to […]

Song Commissioned in Memory of Daughter

Posted on September 7, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

After my daughter died in February of 2007, my husband and I looked for ways to remember her. We did the usual things — had a memorial service, told stories, and gave money to the church. But we wanted to do more. How could we keep our daughter’s spirit alive? The choir was designated as the recipient of our church donation. I had been a choir member for more than 20 years and thought the money would be used for sheet music. The co-director of music had a better idea — a commissioned song in her memory. I loved this […]

A Meditation for Those Facing the First Anniversary of a Loss

Posted on September 6, 2009 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

As you approach the first anniversary of losing the amazing person that shared your life, I have a vision I would like to share with you. I am imagining you wearing a heavily laden backpack. This pack is filled with the searing pain of separation, the desperate fear of the unknown, the intense longing for the touch of someone who loves you, the emerging hope you have for the future, and a new love for today. You are surrounded by the beauty of the Arizona countryside, heading up the North side of the Grand Canyon. The landscape is breath-taking, sometimes […]