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Sand Dollar Helps Mom Deal With Tidal Waves in Life

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Yvonne Lancaster

The creamy white sand dollars felt velvety and cool moving through my fingers. I had removed them from the kitchen windowsill, attempting to examine them more closely. I was hoping to discover something new about them, hoping to learn why they are so good at surviving constant changes. Sand dollars, introduced to me by my now-deceased son, have spawned many stories. “Legends of the Sand Dollar” is the tale of five doves that live inside a sand dollar; when the sand dollar is opened, it spreads good will and peace.  Equally sweet is another legend that declares that sand dollars are mermaid’s money, […]

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‘Distance Counseling’: What is It, How Does it Work?

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Marty Tousley

The electronic age is spawning a new way of delivering counseling services, one in which clients and their counselors connect with each other by telephone, e-mail or other electronic means.  Recognizing this trend, many counselors are seeking special training and certification in “counseling from a distance,” thereby expanding their repertoire of support. A Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC) is nationally recognized as a professional with training in best practices in distance counseling.  Distance counseling takes the best practices of traditional counseling, as well as some of its own unique methods, and adapts them for delivery to individuals via electronic means (such […]

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When the Ground Shakes: Why Many Ill Patients Need Structure

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Stan Goldberg

I was concerned when I came home and couldn’t find my mother. The back of the house has a steep incline off the deck that leads to a forested area. When I saw that the gate leading down the stairs was open, concern turned to panic. At that time, she was in her mid-sixties and often became confused when situations or discussions were anything other than linear. I raced down the stairs expecting the worst. There she was, emerging through a stand of trees, carrying a handful of leaves and twigs, smiling as if she just solved a complex puzzle. […]

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‘Sudden Widows’ Face Special Challenges

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

Losing a husband suddenly is very different from caring for a loved one through a long illness. While the grief and sorrow are the same, sometimes a sudden death leaves widows less prepared for the “work” they must do afterward. Often, there are no funeral and burial arrangements. They don’t know how to file death certificates, change names on charge and bank accounts, or contact their insurance agencies. Some of these “sudden widows” also don’t know about managing financial portfolios, writing checks, balancing checkbooks, or (don’t laugh) putting gas in the car, calling the plumber, changing lightbulbs and so much […]

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Man’s Girlfriend Still Grieving Her Deceased Husband

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by admin

Question from Tom: My girlfriend and I dated for two years (a few years ago) and then split up. She quickly married someone else. He passed away after four years. We started dating again a year after his death. She still grieves over him. Am I an ass for not being sympathetic. I just found out she is still going to his grave. Is this normal? Michele Neff Hernandez, executive director of Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation, responds: Dear Tom: Watching someone you care about grieve over a lost love takes a lot of patience and compassion. When someone dies, our love for them […]

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Grief Happens: Taking the Risk to Bloom After a Loss

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Chris Mulligan

Life and death give us lessons to learn everyday. If we’re aware, we notice the lessons in the media, on bumper stickers; in conversations and through our experiences, but what do we do with them? Do we heed them and heal ourselves by making different life choices? Or do we choose to stay stuck in our chosen state causing our own “death” in our grief? Often, we become so accustomed to life’s bombardment of information that we choose to view life from our surface level of involvement. We notice the signs, “Accidents Happen,” “Divorce Happens,” “S— Happens,” “Change Happens,” but […]

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Mother of Ill Child Dealing With Anticipatory Grief

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by admin

Question from Trish: I am the mother of a 6-year-old with Duchenne MD. His life expectancy is 20 years old. I am also an LPC intern (I currently work as a crisis counselor for hurricane victims in south Louisiana). I am interested in specializing in grief, learning more about anitcipatory grief, and assisting other families that are dealing with expected loss. I see anticipatory grief as largely overlooked in the grief and loss field. What are the best resources for those experiencing anticipatory grief? Marty Tousley, CNS-BC, FT, responds: My dear Trish: I’m so sorry to learn of your son’s serious illness, […]

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Moon Walk Memories

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

When we hear the term “moon walk,” our minds immediately think of entertainer Michael Jackson and his famous dance that has become a classic. But there is a literal “moon walk,” and a few days ago, it was 40 years since man landed on the moon, July 20, 1969. That anniversary brought back a torrent of memories, most of which made me sit in disbelief that so much time has passed so quickly and my life has changed in ways I could never have imagined, both good and bad. I know where I was at the moment they landed on the […]

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‘Moment-of-Death Guilt’ and Other Issues Haunt Widow

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by admin

Question from Lang: My husband passed away on in May from leukemia. I cried every day for more than 2 months. I have 2 children, 15 and 13. They are OK, but I don’t think I am ok. I was the only one who took care of him during his year of sickness. When he was gone, I was not there to say good-bye. He died alone in the hospital because of heart failure. I miss him daily, hourly. We never talked about death before, so now I am lost. I don’t know what to do without him. There’s no […]

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How to Help a Child After a Younger Sibling Dies

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Cathi Lammert

Most children who have a sibling die due to a pregnancy loss or stillbirth, or in the first few months of life, will experience a grief reaction.  However, often times, their grief is overlooked or discounted. Parents may be so overwhelmed by their own grief that they are unable to assist their children with their issues. Parents often ask me “Will my child be negatively affected by the death of their baby sibling?”  I have to say the answer to this question is, “Usually not, if the child’s grief is acknowledged.” In this article, I hope to provide some direction […]

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