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How Does Sibling-Loss Affect One’s Parenting?

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn

By Elizabeth Devita-Raeburn — If you poke around in sibling loss literature, one unanswered question you come across is–does losing a sibling make sibling survivors more or less likely to have children? And do they tend to have “extra” children, just in case they lose one? FYI, I don’t have an answer to this. In my case, I simply had too much baggage to deal with to have children earlier in life. (I had my son, Henry, at 40.) But the question does interest me. As does the issue of how sibling survivors, like myself, parent siblings (something I have […]

Does Grief End? Sense of Smell Leads the Way for One Mom

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Debra Reagan

By Debra Reagan — There is a smell that is part of my memory of Clint. Since the blessing of this smell doesn’t happen often, I cherish each moment. Recently, I encountered the precious smell several times over the span of a day and a half. I enjoyed the bitter sweetness of it and went about my day with a smile in my heart. The next day the following took place. I had a glass hummingbird ornament that Clint had given me when he was 16 years old hanging on the bathroom mirror. I enjoyed looking at it each morning […]

When a Loved One Uses Drugs to Deal With Grief

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by admin

Glenna writes in: How do I help my partner with the loss of his dad? This happened back in January, and now my partner needs drugs to help with the pain. Someone, please help! Pamela Gabbay, M.A., FT, responds: Dear Glenna, I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your partner’s dad. When a parent dies, it is so painful, and the range of emotions that one experiences can be overwhelming. January wasn’t that long ago and it’s no surprise that your partner is feeling a lot of pain. For many grievers, the intense pain doesn’t subside during the first […]

Wedding bells…

Posted on August 19, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

I am getting married in October and frankly the myriad of details that goes into planning a wedding are unbelievable. I have been in 11 weddings and I thought I knew everything, but as I am finding out, you can always learn something new in every situation. It really is an exciting time. I could get married tomorrow. I am ready and I say, “Bring it on.” But there is one thing that is going to be extremely bittersweet for me and that is not having my Dad there. I am trying to think how it would be different if […]

Death of Dog Compared to Child’s Death

Posted on August 18, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

Not long ago I was listening to the Today Show and Jill Rappaport was interviewing a woman who had lost her dog. This woman compared the loss of her dog as equal to the loss of a family member. As much as I loved the two dogs I owned in my lifetime for 15 years each, there was no comparison for me when my daughter died. We may get attached to our pets, we mourn when we lose them, but to make that comparison for me is unthinkable. Granted, there are similarities that while this woman who was interviewed may say she […]

Inner Voice

Posted on August 15, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

I have talked with many people about grief. Several years ago I interviewed a young widow about the anticipatory grief she felt during her husband’s terminal illness. Her story was compelling. As death drew closer the couple drew closer. “We went to a special place,” she said. “I can’t explain it.” Thanks to life experience, grief research, and my writing career, I understood her description. But I did not understand it fully until four of my loved ones died within nine months. The pain of these losses was searing. Listening to my inner voice, or soul, helped me to cope. […]

Finding Support in Grief

Posted on August 15, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox Bereaved parents find support from many sources during their grief journey. The results of one survey conducted by Compassionate Friends showed that parents said the most helpful and providing the most information for bereaved parents are: Friends (82.3%) Family (80.3%) Physicians (58%) Coworkers (44.8%) Clergy and hospitals (39.5% each) Websites (20.5%) Therapists/counselors (19%) Online chats/message boards/forums (13.3%) Support groups (12%) Supporting someone whose child has just died is difficult. From this survey, friends and family seem to do the best job, but this loss is so enormous that we have few words of comfort to offer. Though […]

7 Mistakes of Mourners

Posted on August 11, 2009 - by admin

by Lou LaGrand Everyone makes mistakes or fails in their attempts to grow and meet the challenges of daily life. Without these miscues little would be learned and growth as a person would be limited. In short, failure is a key ingredient for success and should be looked at as a resource for moving forward, not a behavior to be despised. There is one exception to the above observation: when someone makes a mistake, refuses to learn from it, and keeps repeating the same error expecting positive change to occur. This easily happens in the emotional turmoil of mourning the […]

The little things…

Posted on August 10, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

Sometimes it is those little things in life that can just drive you crazy when you are going through them but oddly enough those seem to be the things that you miss the most when that special loved one is not around anymore. I could give you dozens of things that used to drive me nuts that my Dad did. He used to slurp his soup, clang his spoon against the bowl when he ate ice cream, wore white tube socks with dress shoes and shorts, used to say “Give em’ hell” to me all the time (I think he […]

Memorial Tribute with Windchimes

Posted on August 8, 2009 - by admin

by Rachel Betzen When we remember loved ones lost and the family and friends most affected, a special memorial can help us honor their lives and soothe the pain of that loss. Memorials for a loved one may include many aspects, but they all have something special that remind us of the person lost. Personalizing a memento allows us to take that special memory and engrave it into something tangible. When a special memorial engraving is placed beneath a finely crafted wind chime, both the imagery and sounds of the instrument make it a powerful symbol of remembrance. For those […]