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Does Grief End? The Last Bag of Clothes

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Mary Bart

Mom died one year ago. When she died, we sorted through all of her clothes and divided them into two categories. The first category was the clothes that I wanted to keep, either because I was going to wear them or because they had a special meaning for me. The second group was the clothes that we planned to give away to people who needed them. We made three bags of these. My family members dropped off two of the bags at the second-hand clothing store. I promised that I would take the final bag and drop it off … […]

Does Grief End? Rediscovering Laughter

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Lisa Buell

I heard the sound coming from somewhere close, swelling from the deepest part of my being. I was almost startled when I felt it resonate through my body, felt the vibration, lungs rising and falling to keep up with the demand of my spirit. How long had it been since I had felt laughter? The noise was both familiar and startling. The overwhelming sense of loss that guarded the gate to my soul must have been on a lunch break. Loss and I had made an agreement after my daughter died that I could never be happy again. But now, […]

Does Grief End? Giving Up on Having it My Way

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Jenny Hander

I knew I had turned the corner on grief the moment I lost it all; the moment I let my hopes, my dreams, my world, fall apart. For six months, I refused to accept that my infant twin daughter was gone. I couldn’t see how life would be possible without my daughter. I had always envisioned a grand way of living and was convinced that living an extraordinary life was no longer an option for me after my daughter’s death. I felt I deserved something better, something more than a life of grief. So, as a woman of faith, I […]

Does Grief End? Belly Laughs and Crème Brule

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

“Mom, we didn’t move into the pub,” my daughter laughed, “we went there to cool off and eat.” No wonder my memory was hazy. My husband and I were still recovering from the loss of our elder daughter, my father-in-law, my brother, and our former son-in-law. Four deaths in nine months were overwhelming. The pub topic came up during a family dinner at a French restaurant. We were reminiscing about a trip we and our younger daughter had taken to London and the Isle of Man. I told the story about calling the hotel desk clerk to report the lack […]

It is Love, Not Death, That Causes Pain

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by kstengel

Only in the spirit of love, not under the sign of death, do the rituals of memory reveal themselves as the beloved’s living presence. (November Rose: A Speech on Death) Two years ago, on All Soul’s-All Saints’ day, the chaplain of The Cathedral School in New York City invited me to speak about my experiences with grief, death, and survival at the Cathedral of St. John of the Divine. The chaplain instructed me that my audience would be comprised of children ranging from Kindergarten through 8th grade, as well as faculty and parents, and that my remarks should not exceed […]

Does Grief End? It Takes Grace and Guts to Forgive

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Barbara Francis

Grace & Guts: What It Takes to Forgive is a book about a topic I have gone to terrific lengths to avoid. This book is not for those ultra-pious Christians who declare that of course we must forgive those who’ve hurt us because that’s what we’re called to do, period, so do it already. It’s not for those who don’t, or won’t, acknowledge the struggles inherent in being human, even a person who, with all her or his heart, aches to do what is right. It’s not for anyone who is unwilling to admit that there are moments in life, even […]

Does Grief End? Deciding That It’s OK to Survive

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Patrick T. Malone

My wife, Kathy, and I present a workshop for bereaved parents that we have titled, “Into the Valley and Out Again.” We conclude that presentation with some of our observations on our recovery and reinvestment. We believe that many of these observations apply to all forms of grief. So here are some excerpts from our workshop. A few years ago the Queen Mother in England died after more than 100 years of life. She was much beloved as the “Queen Mum,” and even before her death, she was planning how she would help the people of England recover from her […]

How Does Sibling-Loss Affect One’s Parenting?

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn

By Elizabeth Devita-Raeburn — If you poke around in sibling loss literature, one unanswered question you come across is–does losing a sibling make sibling survivors more or less likely to have children? And do they tend to have “extra” children, just in case they lose one? FYI, I don’t have an answer to this. In my case, I simply had too much baggage to deal with to have children earlier in life. (I had my son, Henry, at 40.) But the question does interest me. As does the issue of how sibling survivors, like myself, parent siblings (something I have […]

Does Grief End? Sense of Smell Leads the Way for One Mom

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Debra Reagan

By Debra Reagan — There is a smell that is part of my memory of Clint. Since the blessing of this smell doesn’t happen often, I cherish each moment. Recently, I encountered the precious smell several times over the span of a day and a half. I enjoyed the bitter sweetness of it and went about my day with a smile in my heart. The next day the following took place. I had a glass hummingbird ornament that Clint had given me when he was 16 years old hanging on the bathroom mirror. I enjoyed looking at it each morning […]

When a Loved One Uses Drugs to Deal With Grief

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by admin

Glenna writes in: How do I help my partner with the loss of his dad? This happened back in January, and now my partner needs drugs to help with the pain. Someone, please help! Pamela Gabbay, M.A., FT, responds: Dear Glenna, I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your partner’s dad. When a parent dies, it is so painful, and the range of emotions that one experiences can be overwhelming. January wasn’t that long ago and it’s no surprise that your partner is feeling a lot of pain. For many grievers, the intense pain doesn’t subside during the first […]