I knew I had turned the corner on grief the moment I lost it all; the moment I let my hopes, my dreams, my world, fall apart.
For six months, I refused to accept that my infant twin daughter was gone. I couldn’t see how life would be possible without my daughter. I had always envisioned a grand way of living and was convinced that living an extraordinary life was no longer an option for me after my daughter’s death. I felt I deserved something better, something more than a life of grief. So, as a woman of faith, I chose to believe that if I prayed hard enough, God might make it such that I would wake up one morning and realize my daughter’s death had all been just a really bad dream.
For six months, I chose to fight my grief. I felt that if I truly accepted my daughter’s death, grief would claim victory over my life, and that was a life to which I did not want to succumb.
But one day it all became too much. I was exhausted from battle. I couldn’t find a way for my life to be great again, so I gave up my way — my wants, my hopes, my desires — and turned to the One who promises to make my life great in spite of my circumstances.
It happened in an instant. I woke up one morning, too emotionally exhausted to look in the portable crib beside my bed to see if my twin daughter had returned. Instead, I walked to the opposite side of the house and fell to my knees in defeat. I surrendered all I had to the Creator.
Though accepting that my daughter was really gone — that her death was in fact meant for my life — was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was also the moment I knew grief would not take victory over my life after all. Faith offers a life of hope. Since placing my faith in the plans God has for my life, I been able to claim true victory over grief!
Jenny Hander is author of A Place of Peace. For more information visit: http://www.aplaceofpeace.net/
Tags: grief, hope