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Coping as You Anticipate a Loss

Posted on June 2, 2009 - by Marty Tousley

By Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC Grief does not wait for death to happen; it occurs both in anticipation of and following a loss. Extended illness, disability, severe accidental injury, a terminal diagnosis or the aging and decline of an elderly family member can produce what is known as anticipatory grief and mourning. We find ourselves reacting and continually adapting not only to an expected loss, but to all the losses – past, present, and future – that are encountered in that experience. Anticipatory mourning begins as soon as we become aware that death may happen. It begins when […]

The Never-Ending Project

Posted on June 1, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

My Dad’s never ending project no matter what house we were living in was to clean the garage. It did not matter how many times he cleaned it, the garage still looked like it needed to be clean. Tools would be moved around, toys would be put away, lawn bags would be piled up but it still looked like that garage needed to be cleaned. My Dad saved everything or at least we thought he did. He had hundreds of baby food jars filled with nails. Some new, some old, most in pretty good condition. There was a wheelbarrow from […]

Creating a ‘Picture Memory Tree’

Posted on June 1, 2009 - by Jewel Sample

By Jewel Sample A holiday or birthday is a great time to create a picture memory tree to celebrate the life of your loved one. Invite your family and friends, particularly children, to join in too. Time: 1-2 hours Grade Level: Pre-K & up Materials Find a small tree branch or purchase a small plant with sturdy branches Small photos of you, your loved one, family and friends Assorted colored construction and printed gift wrapping paper Masking tape 12 inch ruler Hole punch Scissors Glue Ribbon or yarn or string Magic markers Pencil 1-1/3 cups potting soil (will not need […]

Alleged Killings by U.S. Soldier Remind Us of War’s Psychological Toll

Posted on May 31, 2009 - by Norman Fried

By Dr. Norman Fried — The headlines of many U.S. newspapers this week report that five Americans are dead after a U.S. soldier opened fire at a U.S. base on Camp Liberty in Baghdad, where soldiers were receiving psychological treatment for the stresses of combat or from personal issues. The shooting causes all of us to consider the power of post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD, particularly when it results from wartime stress. PTSD is noted by a persistent impairment in adaptive functioning that is triggered by a traumatic injury or incident. Laurence Miller, in his book, Shocks to the […]

Will I Ever Find Me Again? — New Roles After the Death of a Spouse

Posted on May 30, 2009 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

In response to “From a Plea for Help,” Julie Z. wrote: My husband died about 1.5 years ago, I continue to cry daily. He was everything to me. I am so tired of being so alone. I miss him so very much. Why did someone so wonderful need to go? I pray so very much, that the wonderful memories we made together will make me smile, not cry. I miss everything about him. I miss him, the wonderful marriage we shared and I miss, who I was when I was with him. He completed me. Will I ever find me […]

Knitting Circle Gives Hope To Author

Posted on May 30, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox I just got done reading The Knitting Circle, Ann Hood’s moving account of how a grieving mother survives the loss of her only daughter from an illness. Although the book is fictional, it parallels Hood’s own loss of her daughter and how joining a knitting circle saved her life. This book was written before her latest book, “Comfort” which I reviewed a while back, but is well-worth the sitting down in a comfortable chair and reading. It is a book that is simple in its words, understandable in it’s grief and acutely moving as it shows you […]

Recalling a Childhood Friend, Decades After Her Death

Posted on May 30, 2009 - by admin

By Linda C. Wisniewski — If a loss comes early in life, it sometimes takes many years before its full impact is felt. When my kindergarten best friend was killed, I was more puzzled and scared than sad. It was only when I began writing my own life story and recalled the events surrounding her death that I was able to find meaning in it. Here’s what I wrote about her in Chapter Three of my memoir, Off Kilter: What I remember most about Diane is the way she looked in her casket. That morning, our kindergarten class walked two-by-two […]

Memorial Day: When You Lose a Sibling in War

Posted on May 30, 2009 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

A sibling relationship should be a lifelong friendship, but for those losing a brother or sister who served in the military, the pain and sorrow can be overwhelming. Adult siblings left behind must contend with their own grief and shock, adjust to an altered family structure and assume new responsibilities. To help brothers and sisters cope, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS held its first weekend retreat for siblings in 2008. The retreat was modeled after the organization’s regional seminars, which help surviving family members process their grief reactions, develop coping skills, and establish support networks. “Siblings often experience […]

How Do You Honor Deceased Colleague?

Posted on May 29, 2009 - by Norman Fried

Michele writes in: At our company, the executive secretary to the President, who was only in her early 30s, died last year suddenly one afternoon. She had been with the company for 12 years. She was like family to many of her coworkers. Any suggestions as to how to recognize the one-year anniversary of her death in a very low key manner? Dr. Norman Fried responds: Milestone days such as the anniversary of a death often restimulate sad feelings and memories that require compassion and attention. However, some co-workers may be unwilling or unable to honor this loss in a […]

Has the Music Stopped? Risking Again After a Loss

Posted on May 29, 2009 - by Stan Goldberg

By Stan Goldberg — When a sleep disorder forced me to retire at 57, and six months later I developed prostate cancer, I reacted to life as if the music had stopped. My misguided belief that life should always rest on an even keel appeared in the literature more than one thousand years ago in the form of a Zen story. A student said to his Master, “I had a terrible meditation session.” The teacher nodded his head knowingly and responded, “It will pass.” The next day the student again sought out the teacher and said, “I had a great […]