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Husband’s Soul Lives on in His Shoes

Posted on February 21, 2009 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

by Michele Neff Hernandez — My husband had a shoe fetish. Phillip owned shoes for all occasions and athletic events-some were kept only for their sentimental value. To him, each pair either served a purpose or told a story, so there was no getting rid of them. This caused a serious storage issue. In addition to his side of the closet, he claimed the entire space under our bed. According to my husband, shoes could not be stacked, which meant the entire perimeter of the bed was lined with shoes. My shoes were piled in the closet in order to […]

Creating Memorial Services with Heart, Part of the Caregiving Journey

Posted on February 20, 2009 - by Carol O'Dell

Creating a meaningful memorial service for your loved one is cathartic, and you don’t have to wait until your loved one passes to begin to think about what they–and you–want and need. It’s a part of caregiving you’d rather not thnk about, but it’s the last thing you can do to honor their wishes and gather everyone around to reminisce, consol each other, and share precious memories. Planning funerals and/or memorial services takes time, and you’d rather spend those last few weeks and days your loved one has on earth at their side. You may find that planning your loved one’s memorial […]

Grief, Guilt, Death, Denial: a different experience for all

Posted on February 20, 2009 - by admin

by Mel Menzies There is a tendency to assume that, following a bereavement, grief must adhere to a certain pattern to be real. But this is not true. The process of mourning, following the loss of a loved one, is different for everyone, and looking for a set response from someone is a dangerous expectation. My reactions, when I lost my adult daughter, may be quite different to yours in a similar situation. And yours, in turn, may be opposite to someone close to you. It is important to grasp this concept, especially between parents who have lost a child, […]

Public Grief Rituals: What You Can DO

Posted on February 20, 2009 - by Joy Johnson Brown

By Joy Johnson — There are wonderful public rituals to enrich and comfort us after a death. The Bringing of Food In most communities people bring casseroles or snacks to the home following a death. It’s a time of talking and remembering and telling the story. Every time the doorbell rang, a friend was there with everything from my favorite cookies to Kentucky Fried Chicken. Every time they came in I told them what happened. The Story Asking, “What happened?” may be as caring as saying, “I love you.” When we tell the story of the death, what we did, […]

Contributing Writer Ruff Publishes Book About Daughter

Posted on February 19, 2009 - by Coralease Ruff

Coralease Cox Ruff, a contributing writer for Open to Hope, has written a new book about her daughter, who died at the age of 21. A bereaved mother and grief educator, Ms. Ruff skillfully combines her daughter’s biography with a grief book to produce Her Light Still Shines, a beautiful tribute to her daughter and an invaluable guide for bereaved parents. This moving story celebrates the life of Candice M. Ruff who profoundly touched many lives in her short 21 years. Her mother lovingly presents the mirrors that form the kaleidoscope of her life by incorporating Candice’s writings and friends’ […]

Death Cracks Us Open

Posted on February 19, 2009 - by Tom Zuba

By Tom Zuba — I believe that the death of someone we love cracks us open. I believe it’s supposed to. Death shatters us. It breaks us into a million tiny pieces. And as the minutes turn to hours, and the hours turn to days, the days to weeks, the weeks to months, and somehow, someway, the months to years, we slowly hunt for the shattered pieces of our self. Some of the found pieces we reclaim realizing, with relief and amazement, that they still fit. We need them. Try as we may, though, at times with much sadness and […]

“Widow’s Weeds” — Symbols of Mourning and the Profound Effect of Colors on Our Emotions

Posted on February 18, 2009 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

In the not-so-distant past, when an individual within a family died, there was a prescribed period of mourning, during which expectations of the bereaved family were lightened. In fact, if the mourners did engage in excessive activities, including entertaining guests or attending social events, it was perceived as being disrespectful to the deceased. There were also many conventions that symbolically told others that an individual or a family was in mourning, for example, the black wreath on the door, or, during WWII, the gold star in the window. Clothing also symbolized grief, most notably the Victorian era’s […]

‘Noticing’ and Grieving Go Together

Posted on February 18, 2009 - by Chris Mulligan

By Chris Mulligan — Learning to “notice” during my first year of grief was more imporant than anything else in helping me survive my grief. It also provided me a major life lesson. I realized that noticing was the vehicle through which I have come to accept my life experiences as well as be able to move through them and learn from them. All the major events in my life — those that caused the most pain and eventually precipitated the most growth — have also caused me to reflect upon and recognize that the suffering was present for a […]

Many Widows Need to Spruce Up Resumes

Posted on February 17, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

By Sandra Pesmen — It’s possible that as a widow, you suddenly need to find a job, or upgrade the one you have for more pay and benefits. In either case, remember that your old resume probably won’t work in today’s world. If you haven’t updated it lately, it probably lacks power and punch and isn’t even suited to the “new workplace” that’s dominated by youth, computer wizards, and the Internet information. One guide to updating it is the new book, 30-Minute Resume Makeover: Rev Up Your Old Resume in Half an Hour, by Louise Kursmark (Jist Works $9.95). Kursmark’s […]

Trust Yourself When Grieving

Posted on February 16, 2009 - by Gloria Horsley

Dixie writes: I know my family is going through so much and I guess I feel I have to be the strong mother and that I am not supposed to fall apart. But everything has changed since my daughter died. My world is no longer the same. There are days that I just want to able to be left alone and let me touch her stuff and let me cry, but I feel I can’t do that because my family has never really seen me like that, even when my mother died. I had to be strong for my kids […]