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Preparing for the Death of a Father

Posted on October 30, 2008 - by admin

by Neil Chethik – Sigmund Freud called it the most poignant loss of his life. Sean Connery termed it a shattering blow. Norman Mailer likened it to having a hole in your tooth. It’s a pain that can never be filled. Each year, more than 1.5 million American boys and men lose their fathers to death. And like the three men mentioned above, most are unprepared. But preparation is possible. In the course of writing a book about father-loss, I asked 70 ordinary men what they did – or wish they’d done – to ready themselves for the […]

Parent of Organ Donor Treated Like Royalty

Posted on October 30, 2008 - by Reg Green

By Reg Green — Recently, in the restaurant of a Northern Italian hotel, someone in our group told the waiter I was the father of a seven-year-old California boy who was shot in a bungled robbery while we were on vacation in Italy in 1994. From a nearby table, a voice said “Ah, Nicholas.” Tables around the room took up the theme until it became a topic of general conversation. It speaks volumes that a boy, and a foreigner at that, who was killed fourteen years ago can still bring a roomful of strangers together. It’s true the circumstances were […]

Caregivers: You Don’t Have to Like Your Mother to Love Her

Posted on October 28, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

Newsflash: You don’t have to like your mother to love her. This, for some of us is a relief. We feel like bad sons or bad daughters if every thing’s not warm and fuzzy, but caregiving isn’t about your emotional barometer reading for the day. It’s no coincidence that we start out tethered to our mothers. The umbilical cord is the first of many. It sustains us, feeds us, is a highway of blood. It’s tough too. I remember my husband cut our daughter’s umbilical cords and he said he really had to work at it. And after all our mother-daughter […]

Let’s All Take Advantage of the Widow! Dealing with Manipulative Family and Friends

Posted on October 28, 2008 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

Martha from Utah writes: Your blog comments would have been of immense help the first couple of years after my husband’s death. We had been married for 45 years. I can relate to all they say. At this point in my adjustment (not recovery), reading what new widows have to say brings back a lot of the pain. When it comes down to the nitty gritty, Time is the greatest healer. It will be 4 years in February. I have figured out I will either survive or die. Do any other widows complain about inheritance […]

Grief and the Internet

Posted on October 28, 2008 - by Ken Doka

By Ken Doka — When we are grieving one needs all the support we can get. One needs to use every tool, every resource that works. Grief can be a difficult battle. One must use every weapon he or she can muster. For some people, computers and the Internet are not helpful. They may feel intimidated navigating a computer or have never sought to purchase a computer or sign up with an Internet server. Yet others may find additional resources on the Internet to assist in their struggle with grief. For those who do, it is important to be aware […]

Football Movie Handles Grief With Sensitivity

Posted on October 25, 2008 - by Abel Keogh

By Abel Keogh — It’s hard to find a movie that effectively deals with the subject of grief. Occasionally however, there’s one that really deals with the subject in a realistic way. The most recent movie that does an excellent job dealing with the subject is We Are Marshall. We Are Marshall is about the tragic plane crash that killed the players and coaches of Marshall University in 1970. Though it’s hyped as a sports movie and the difficult task of rebuilding a college football team from scratch, We Are Marshall is really a movie about dealing with death and […]

Helping Boyfriend Deal With His Mother’s Death

Posted on October 24, 2008 - by admin

Vanessa writes in: On November 27, 2007, my boyfriend’s mother died suddenly at age 43. She was found dead in her bed by my boyfriend and his 13-year-old brother. It was something that no one expected and she had no health problems whatso ever. She was the center of her family’s universe. She was and always will be the most amazing woman I ever met in my life. That day, my boyfriend had the day off. He woke up to find that his mom was still sleeping, so he decided to clean that house for her. After cleaning, he left […]

Starting your own support group

Posted on October 24, 2008 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox I would encourage anyone, who needs the help of a support group to deal with the death of a child, to start their own if there is none in the area in which you live. The group does not need to be part of a national group of bereaved parents. It can serve any purpose you need in your own area of the country. In order to get started, the local newspaper should be contacted to see if they will do a story in the paper about your first and subsequent meetings. Flyers can be placed in […]

‘Adult Orphans’ Need Not Lose Connection With Parents

Posted on October 23, 2008 - by Annette Gonzalez

By Annette Gonzalez — I am an adult orphan. I’m not anyone’s child anymore. Both my parents have died. There is no smooth transition from being a child in the family to becoming an orphan. One day you have parents and the next day you don’t. It’s quite a revelation to know that there is no one to approve or disapprove of your actions anymore. You are it! It is also hard to face that I now represent the older generation. I was the oldest child and the oldest grandchild in my family. I am now the oldest adult. It […]

The Burden Basket: Why Some Prayers Go Unanswered

Posted on October 22, 2008 - by Judy Wolf

By Judy Wolf — In the children’s hospital in Salt Lake City, there is a small meditation room where one can have a quiet “heart-to-heart” talk with God. Families are encouraged to release worries about their children’s health by writing a note to God and placing it in a Native American “burden basket.” Periodically, the notes are burned by the chaplain, a symbolic letting go of one’s burdens, turning them over to God. In 2001, I became a devout member of the Burden Basket society when my oldest son, Joe, then 13, was hit by a car while crossing the […]