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Using Rituals, Create a Balance Between Grief and Hope

Posted on October 13, 2008 - by Lisa Peacock

By Lisa Peacock — During the Holiday season, it is normal to get lost in rituals from you past. If you have lost someone close to you, these rituals can be painful, harsh reminders of the loved one’s absence. They also can release pain and move you forward in your grieving. Seek balance between rituals of grief and hope. If you are grieving someone and would like to find ways to open to hope, contemplate the following options: 1) Create new rituals. Visit new restaurants, go somewhere you have never been before. 2) Take an old ritual and update it. […]

I Just Want this Pain to End — Now! Carving Out the Time and Energy to Grieve

Posted on October 10, 2008 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

In response to Widows – Honor The Pain, No Need To “Suck It Up”, Suzy Aguilar writes, “My husband passed away on May 30, 2008 — yes 5 months ago. I still feel numb and a big empty hole in my heart. He was also my high school sweetheart. I am 41, and he was 43 — we had 3 beautiful daughters, including a set of twins! Reading these posts is making me realize I am not alone and only other widows can truly understand my pain, a pain nobody else will ever understand. Thank you all […]

Writing Condolence Letters

Posted on October 10, 2008 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox — Whether you are a bereaved parent or just know of someone else who has lost a child, the most challenging letter an individual is ever called upon to write is a letter of condolence, particularly one about a child. The written word can bring much comfort when coping with a loss. We want to convey so much to these bereaved parents, particularly if we are close to them, but how should we do it? A few tips follow. First, acknowledge the loss and how shocked and dismayed you were to hear about the child dying. Then express […]

Mourning a Brother Lost to Violence

Posted on October 10, 2008 - by Stephanie Frogge

Sameena from Charlotte writes: I am looking for ideas to help my mom. My older brother was murdered and buried in foreign country as a John Doe. We will eventually have him exhumed and have services – it’s just a lot of red tape. I am looking for a way to help my mom grieve by honoring him in some way. I like the quilt idea but I don’t know if my mom has any of his clothes. Do you suggest anything else? Stephanie Frogge, national crime victim services consultant, responds: How loving you are to want to help your […]

The Poetry of Death: Can It Comfort Us?

Posted on October 9, 2008 - by Norman Fried

By Norman Fried — Modern poetry has often found a critical muse in the concept of death. In words apocryphal or mundane, spiritual or skeptical, modern poets have used their art as a means to describe their terse and terminal views of the inevitable. Wallace Stevens, perhaps one of the most skeptical of modern poets, considered death as a “termination” or cessation? of all life energy,?an “absolute without memorial.” We see this in Steven’s famous but dark poem, “Madame Le Fleurie,” in which death is likened to a “waiting parent,” ready to devour us beneath her dew. William Carlos Williams […]

Evolution of the Soul

Posted on October 9, 2008 - by John Pete

I have often encountered people who question the purpose of life, especially following a sad loss in their lives. As a spiritual person I too have questioned our purpose and the existence of God and why bad things happen. And as everyone must, I have come to many of my own conclusions based on my personal experiences, and sometimes the experiences of others. The answer for me is about gathering. From the beginning of our lives, we are filling a metaphorical basket with all the good and bad things we encounter in life; things that we carry with us, or discard along the way. As […]

Widow’s Friends Resist Her Moving On

Posted on October 7, 2008 - by Abel Keogh

Ann from Michigan writes: My husband of 23 years and my dad died within a week of each other. It was awful. We had a large circle of close friends who were great to me, but when I met another man, they were not happy and were always looking for faults with him and trying to tell me not to be with him. They don’t understand that I am just trying to move forward with life. I will always love my husband, but I know I must move on. I can’t go back to the way it was before March […]

Military Losses Often Complicated by War Coverage

Posted on October 7, 2008 - by Stephanie Frogge

By Stephanie Frogge — Living in a country at war, it’s difficult to escape the media reports, the mind-numbing statistics, the opinions of politicians, even the views of our family and friends. The issues that drive it and the images that make it real, even to those who do not have a loved one serving in the armed forces, are inescapable parts of our current culture. But for those whose involvement is more personal, for those whose loved ones have died while in service to their country, the very public nature of the issue is but one unique characteristic of […]

When the Head and Heart are at War

Posted on October 6, 2008 - by Debra Reagan

By Debra Reagan — On August 6, 2005, a civil war of my being was declared. You may not have heard of this war. It isn’t marked on a map or recorded in history books. Nonetheless, this war had a devastating impact on the people involved. Upon hearing the news, The Heart declared war on The Head. The Heart built a fortress to keep away the pain. But no fortress was strong enough to hold back the anguish. The Heart ached and wailed out during the night, “This cannot be true! This can’t be possible! Just look at all the […]

What is Shock? What to Expect That First Month After a Loved One Dies

Posted on October 3, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

Losing a spouse, a parent, a child is devastating. But somehow, you will get through. As crazy, lost, alone, scattered, numb, and frantic as you feel in those first months, know that as hard as it is to believe, it won’t last forever. I know you don’t think you will ever get through this. But there’s this little thing called breathing. Your body does it whether you want it to or not. Your heart can be breaking, your gut wrenched, and you can feel as if you will truly lose your mind–and your body will continue to take its next […]