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Widow’s Friends Resist Her Moving On

Posted on October 7, 2008 - by Abel Keogh

Ann from Michigan writes: My husband of 23 years and my dad died within a week of each other. It was awful. We had a large circle of close friends who were great to me, but when I met another man, they were not happy and were always looking for faults with him and trying to tell me not to be with him. They don’t understand that I am just trying to move forward with life. I will always love my husband, but I know I must move on. I can’t go back to the way it was before March […]

Military Losses Often Complicated by War Coverage

Posted on October 7, 2008 - by Stephanie Frogge

By Stephanie Frogge — Living in a country at war, it’s difficult to escape the media reports, the mind-numbing statistics, the opinions of politicians, even the views of our family and friends. The issues that drive it and the images that make it real, even to those who do not have a loved one serving in the armed forces, are inescapable parts of our current culture. But for those whose involvement is more personal, for those whose loved ones have died while in service to their country, the very public nature of the issue is but one unique characteristic of […]

When the Head and Heart are at War

Posted on October 6, 2008 - by Debra Reagan

By Debra Reagan — On August 6, 2005, a civil war of my being was declared. You may not have heard of this war. It isn’t marked on a map or recorded in history books. Nonetheless, this war had a devastating impact on the people involved. Upon hearing the news, The Heart declared war on The Head. The Heart built a fortress to keep away the pain. But no fortress was strong enough to hold back the anguish. The Heart ached and wailed out during the night, “This cannot be true! This can’t be possible! Just look at all the […]

What is Shock? What to Expect That First Month After a Loved One Dies

Posted on October 3, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

Losing a spouse, a parent, a child is devastating. But somehow, you will get through. As crazy, lost, alone, scattered, numb, and frantic as you feel in those first months, know that as hard as it is to believe, it won’t last forever. I know you don’t think you will ever get through this. But there’s this little thing called breathing. Your body does it whether you want it to or not. Your heart can be breaking, your gut wrenched, and you can feel as if you will truly lose your mind–and your body will continue to take its next […]

How Families Survive Trauma and Loss

Posted on October 3, 2008 - by Norman Fried

By Norman Fried — What are the lessons that trauma, loss and recovery can teach us about family relationships? And what are the changes that occur in families that have to endure tragedy and loss? We know that trauma and loss bring about changes not just in each individual family member but in the family system as a whole. In children, for example, we learn that the clinical after effects of trauma involve a sense of disconnection from others and a feeling of “loss of power.” Recovery, therefore, is based upon the establishment of new and “safe” connections for these […]

Messages From Children Who Have Died

Posted on October 3, 2008 - by Rosemary Smith

By Rosemary Smith — September 3, 2008 I woke up this morning and rolled over to look at the clock…it was 7:23. How many times in the past sixteen years had I jolted awake at exactly 7:23? Those three numbers used to take my breath away, but as the years passed, they came to be a sign from Drew and Jeremiah that they were near. What was their message this morning? Most of my Labor Day was a labor of love as I worked on bereavement packets for my Fellow Travelers. This morning, I realized that I had thirty-three packets […]

(Not So) Happy Birthday! Dealing with Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Traumatic Dates

Posted on October 2, 2008 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

Whether it is the birthday of your spouse who has died, your wedding anniversary, or even the anniversary of the death, traumatic dates bring back so many memories, and also bring up so many feelings of loss and sadness. But, they can also give us a chance to mark our progress of healing. These events mark not just another date on the calendar but they are significant milestones within our personal healing journey. Our lives are put on pause, at any stage of our grief journey; in order to honor our lost loved ones. Birthdays, anniversaries and those other […]

Caregiver, Are You Too Hard on Yourself?

Posted on September 30, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

If there’s one thing we could all use a little more of, it’s mercy. Caregivers are notoriously hard on themselves. I know, I was my own worst judge. Caregiving isn’t easy. It’s relentless, and you can’t get it all “right.” You can’t go on three hours sleep, physically lift another human being from the bed to a potty chair, dress them, feed them, give them their morning meds, load them in a car, drive them to the doctors, fight with the doctors, beg for proper treatment and medicine, head to the pharmacy (for them not to have what you need), […]

Grief in the New Millennium

Posted on September 30, 2008 - by Mitch Carmody

By Mitch Carmody – We are now closing in on the end of the first decade of the new millennium. Growing up, most of us baby boomers remember reading about Haley’s Comet, and we hoped to see it zoom across the night sky as an adult. When we were kids, we hadn’t seen a man land on the moon; we had only a couple of stations on our black-and-white televisions; we had telephones with party lines that you shared with neighbors; one computer filled an enormous room, and water was not sold in bottles. Boy, has the world changed. But […]

Managing the Holidays: Tips For the Bereaved

Posted on September 29, 2008 - by Gloria Lintermans

By Gloria Lintermans & Marilyn Stolzman, Ph.D., L.M.F.T. — The holidays can be a particularly difficult time for those of us who have lost a loved one. We are used to being with our family members during this time, and now an important person is missing. The following are suggestions for managing the holidays. 1. MAKE PLANS – There may be an inclination to isolate during the holidays. But making plans for the holidays helps us cope with change and gives us some much-needed structure. Too much free time can stimulate loneliness and despair. When we make plans, we often […]