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Role of Guilt in Sibling Loss

Posted on March 17, 2023 - by Sue Trace Lawrence

How Guilt Shows Itself More than any other emotion, guilt arguably dominates the mental life of a sibling who losing a sibling. This guilt can take many forms, depending on the relationship between the siblings and the manner of death. Siblings can feel responsible and place blame on themselves, sometimes irrationally. Common thoughts reflecting this self-blame include: I am older, so I should have been the protector. Why didn’t I go first? I was sick, too, so why didn’t I die? I shouldn’t have thought those mean things about my sister. I should have been nicer and not fought the […]

Sibling Loss in Childhood is Trauma

Posted on March 16, 2023 - by Sue Trace Lawrence

Is Sibling Loss a Trauma? One phenomenon inherent in the popularizing of psychology over the last few decades has been the incorporation of “buzzwords” into our lexicon. An example is the use of the term “trauma.” This term is used frequently by both the media and lay people in everyday conversation to describe a variety of experiences. We state that someone has been “traumatized” by various situations. But what specifically does that mean? What differentiates a truly traumatizing experience from a merely unpleasant one? Most present-day psychologists would admit that there is no definitive answer to this dilemma, and that […]

When Siblings Die Young

Posted on March 13, 2023 - by Sue Trace Lawrence

When Siblings Die Young Many decades ago, there was a little girl who had a wonderful life. She lived comfortably, with two parents who adored her, a younger brother she could boss around, two equally doting sets of grandparents, a great-grandmother who thought she could do no wrong, and a great aunt who was captivated by her. Too young to realize her family was not rich, she lived in a cozy house with her own room. The girl loved animals and music, and her favorite toys were the plastic and stuffed animals she collected. Never having been away from home […]

What We Say to The Dying

Posted on March 13, 2023 - by Sherry Walling

“I thought: maybe death isn’t darkness, after all, but so much light wrapping itself around us— as soft as feathers— that we are instantly weary of looking, and looking, and shut our eyes, not without amazement, and let ourselves be carried, as through the translucence of mica, to the river that is without the least dapple or shadow— that is nothing but light—scalding, aortal light— in which we are washed and washed out of our bones. — from “White Owl Flies Into and Out of the Field ”, by Mary Oliver Can Death be About Light? In her poem “White […]

How Massage Heals Grief

Posted on March 13, 2023 - by Nina Impala

How Massage Heals Grief When you’re sad and someone hugs you — a heartfelt-lingering-hug that says, I care about you, I know your’re hurting — it feels comforting. Like a cup of the best hot chocolate on a cold rainy day, it makes life a little more tolerable. I was a massage therapist and Reiki practitioner for 17 years, then went back to school and coupled my massage practice with grief counseling. It was magic. In this technological world, we are losing the power of touch and the healing effects it has on the human spirit especially with grief. That […]

Exploring Contact Through a Medium

Posted on March 7, 2023 - by Kim Pierce

Death of my Partner I expected my fiancé to meet me at the airport that day in 1998. Instead, a friend was there, and he delivered the fateful words: “Kim, he died.” Phillip’s death from a sudden heart attack shattered my world. We’d met later in life, in our 40s, and knew instantly we were soulmates. We looked forward to a future together. A future that was not to be. Anyone who has lost a loved one knows the shock and pain that come next. I likened the loss to physical pain – except there seemed to be no limit […]

When to Seek Grief Counseling

Posted on March 5, 2023 - by Brian Smith

When to Seek Grief Counseling Grief is an inevitable part of life. Some think there is a cure for grief and they treat grief like a disease. Grief counseling may or may not be beneficial to you. Most people are able to deal with most grief with their social network of family and friends. If you’re functioning normally, able to get out of bed, sleep, work, etc., you might not need grief counseling. However, if you’re having suicidal thoughts, can’t sleep, can’t eat, you require medical intervention. If there is any doubt, get to your doctor. Some red flags are: […]

Is Grief a Natural State?

Posted on March 3, 2023 - by Brian Smith

Consider this. If we didn’t love, we wouldn’t grieve. Your grief is a sign of your love. Your love didn’t die when your loved one’s body died. Love endures. The evidence of the survival of love is grief. Be grateful for the love that continues even though that love means you are now in pain. Love is a Gamble I have a pair of sneakers with a graphic saying “Love is a gamble.” I bought them years ago. I had no idea of the depth of meaning of that phrase until Shayna passed. My love for her was a tremendous […]

Will I Ever Feel Again? Numbness and Suicide

Posted on February 27, 2023 - by Brian Smith

During the early stages of grief, you might notice that you can’t feel, and you may ask yourself: Will I ever feel again? This emotional numbness is normal and will pass. This emotional anesthesia is a protection provided by shock because you cannot handle everything at once. You probably have responsibilities like funeral arrangements to get through. You very well might go on auto-pilot and continue to function “normally’ until you can’t anymore. You might not cry at the funeral and wonder what is wrong with you. In these early stages, you may even feel guilty because you don’t think […]

Why We Grieve

Posted on February 24, 2023 - by Brian Smith

Why do we grieve? If loss is a part of life; if death is normal, why do we mourn? I’ve heard grief described as being similar to withdrawal from drugs. We physically crave the person we are missing. Our brains have gotten used to their feel, their smell, everything about them. There is something their physical presence does for us that we become addicted to. When we lack that, it triggers a reaction not unlike drug withdrawal. I believe there is something to this theory, but it doesn’t explain everything associated with grief. Grief and Hope are Linked We don’t […]