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A Poem for Leah

Posted on July 3, 2007 - by admin

– I?m a little over a year without Leah and the yearning has resurfaced- hard. I have to brace myself when I visit public spots. Plus I have the summer task of cleaning out and selling my little house where she lived and died. Poetry try #1 Leah I?m in hell here My reality is I?m here but you are there I cant reach you Laura says I?ll see you again Buddha says I need to work with my mind Insatiable lust for leah Will we ever be back? To touch each other So that I can gaze on your […]

Why Grief Lingers On and On

Posted on June 27, 2007 - by admin

Grief and grieving is inevitable because we choose to love. And it can be argued that it lingers on and on because we refuse to learn to love in separation and complete a primary task: acceptance of the loss and the many changes demanded. However, there are a number of old beliefs that we have learned about grief from the authority figures in our lives that have a major impact on the length of time we grieve and the amount of unnecessary suffering we endure. For example, some people believe you must grieve for a year, grieve for the most […]

Shopping (after the death of my daughter)

Posted on June 26, 2007 - by Abel Keogh

“May I help you?” The answer is always “no, thank you.” And then I say I am fine When in reality my words are nothing more than lies. My heart is so weary Of trying to pretend I am feeling cheery. Behind those laughing eyes Lies pain on the face in whose falsehood lies. Broken heart and broken dreams A false facade hides in those unheard screams. Pain no one could ever imagine Fights a fight that no one can ever win. “May I help you?” The clerk repeats And again I say “no” as our eyes meet. Things are […]

Poem: Shopping (after the death of my daughter)

Posted on June 26, 2007 - by admin

“May I help you?” The answer is always, “No, thank you” And then I say I am fine When in reality my words are nothing more than lies. My heart is so weary Of trying to pretend I am feeling cheery. Behind those laughing eyes Lies pain on the face in whose falsehood lies. Broken heart and broken dreams A false facade hides in those unheard screams. Pain no one could ever imagine Fights a fight that no one can ever win. “May I help you?” The clerk repeats And again I say, “No,” as our eyes meet. Things are […]

Love and Connections Beyond Death by Suicide

Posted on June 26, 2007 - by Carol Loehr

We all use our minds to try to understand why our children died. I am no different; when our son Keith died, I continued to ask that endless question, “Why?” Throughout my pursuit for answers, my niece Juli and her son Cody helped me realize that maybe I was not looking at all possibilities–just maybe I would have to go beyond my own realm of understanding. As Juli shared some of Cody’s spiritual experiences with me, I found it would take a child to help me break through the spiritual barriers that I, as an adult, had created. Cody was […]

Reflections of a Bereaved Dad, Part 6: Rainbows Above You

Posted on June 25, 2007 - by Patrick T. Malone

So as it often does, once again, how we manage our grief becomes a matter of choice. I remember Rich Edler once said, “We cannot change what happened, but we do have a choice what we do about it. Grief is inevitable. Misery is optional.” So here are some of our choices. We can choose whether that videotape plays tragic memories, or a remembrance of all the good things in a life that was too short. We can choose to stay stuck in the gray fog of depression, or seek out others who can help guide us on this journey. We […]

Reflections of a Bereaved Dad, Part 5: Measures of Love

Posted on June 24, 2007 - by Patrick T. Malone

As many of you have been or are currently, I was consumed with the question WHY? I needed to make some sense out of these tragedies. Why was Scott, a normal full term baby, only to experience difficulties during labor and expire after only 16 hours of life? Why was Erin miscarried? Why did the truck turn in front of Lance? Why was Lance going too fast to stop? Why wasn’t he going a little faster so he could have avoided the accident? Why did this happen to us? Why were we being punished? I read everything I could get […]

Reflections of a Bereaved Dad, Part 4: Grieving Together

Posted on June 23, 2007 - by Patrick T. Malone

I believe that early on, I reached an intellectual understanding that my wife and I were dealing with grief differently. When I was up, she was down. When I was down, she was up. When she needed company, I needed to be alone and vice-versa. I sort of knew that but it didn’t really sink in until a number of months down this road. Most Friday nights we try to have dinner out. So on this particular Friday evening we’re in the middle of dinner and Kathy tells me that I don’t seem to talk about Lance as much as […]

Reflections of a Bereaved Dad, Part 3: Asking for Help

Posted on June 22, 2007 - by Patrick T. Malone

I went back to work a couple of weeks after Lance’s death. I was very fortunate to have a caring and compassionate work environment. My partners and associates covered for me while I was off. When I returned they asked me how Kathy was doing. They spoke Lance’s name. They asked how his brothers, Bryan and Sean, were holding up. They talked about the accident. They offered any assistance my family needed. I was back to work for a couple of months when one of my partners came into my office, closed the door and said, “We are very sad […]

Reflections of a Bereaved Dad, Part 2: You Are Not Alone

Posted on June 21, 2007 - by Patrick T. Malone

Three or four weeks after Lance’s funeral we received an information packet from The Compassionate Friends (TCF). When I came home Kathy told me about the information and how it was a support group for bereaved parents and how she wanted to go to a meeting. I’m listening but honestly I’m thinking that this is the last thing I need. I don’t do support groups. Heck I don’t ask for directions when I driving, what makes you think I’m going to a support group meeting. However, I know Kathy is in no shape to go alone so reluctantly I go. […]