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Memory of a Death

Posted on May 31, 2022 - by Mary-Frances O'Connor

Memory of a Death When a loved one has died, we have a memory of learning that they died. This memory of a death might be of the phone call informing you that your brother died. It’s etched in your mind with lots of detail—where you were in the dining room, what you were cooking, how hot it was in the room, the smell of onions. These are what we call episodic memories; they are detailed memories of a specific death. A Father is Dying Perhaps your memory of a death occurred because you were there when it happened. When […]

Butterfly Represents Woman After Death

Posted on May 23, 2022 - by Bernie Siegel

The Journey to Hawaii Several years ago, one of the cancer patients I counseled told me she was going to the Hawaiian island of Kauai, where her mother lived. The patient intended to resolve her difficulties with her mother and die there. She accomplished all that she had hoped for and died there feeling loved, complete and at peace with herself. About eighteen months after my patient’s death, my wife Bobbie and I were invited to the island of Kauai to do an outdoor weekend workshop. I was thrilled to go because I love the islands and feeling close to […]

Hey, Widowers: What’s the Hurry to Remarry?

Posted on May 23, 2022 - by Herb Knoll

Suddenly, it hits you, you’re a widower, and you don’t want to live the rest of your life alone. You always knew that most women outlive their husbands, so the chances were good that you would never be widowed, and you wouldn’t have to worry about living life as a widower. What you may not realize is that one in five men will be widowed. There are approximately 3.25 million widowers in the United States alone, and most dread having to grow old by themselves. For whatever their reasons, most widowed men remarry, and they do so in short order. […]

There’s a New Way to Do Grief

Posted on May 20, 2022 - by Nikki Scott

A New Way to Do Grief Try to think about the ways you have been taught how to grieve the loss of someone or something. When you were a child and someone in your family died, how did others react? Did you see outward expressions of grief? Did you talk about your feelings with others? Or did you see the opposite: stuffing feelings down, not talking about emotions, and putting on a happy face to move on with life? Most of the time, it is usually the latter, which is not the healthiest way to grieve the loss of someone […]

‘You’re SO Strong’: A Misunderstanding of Grief

Posted on May 20, 2022 - by Brooke Carlock

In the months following my 10-year-old daughter Libby’s death, there was one phrase that I heard over and over again. “You’re SO strong.” People whispered it in my ear in the midst of teary-eyed hugs. They muttered it as they pityingly patted my back. They surrounded me in groups and proclaimed it like an award. They wrote it in condolence cards and social media comments. It was a phrase that might elicit extreme pride or snarky disdain, depending on my mood. “You’re SO strong.” Is ‘You’re So Strong’ a Compliment? This phrase always baffles me – perhaps because I don’t understand […]

‘Heaven-Faith’ is Comforting

Posted on May 6, 2022 - by Fran Buhler

Death is a friend — not something to dread and fear. In our sorrow, there is One we can trust. We may trust the Holy One. Death comes under His jurisdiction. I have given much thought to death because I have spent a lot of time with grieving families in funeral homes and cemeteries. I have gone there hundreds of times for graveside services and the burial of dear ones loved by family and respected in the community. Always, this is an act of faith — never an empty ritual. In such moments, we discover “heaven-faith” is for real, offering […]

How My Mother’s Loss Changed Me

Posted on May 6, 2022 - by Lori Koidahl

My Mother’s Loss Changed Me My metamorphosis commenced when I suffered the intense loss of my mom. Her death unraveled all my patterns, disrupted my life, and revealed how much I had taken for granted. It affirmed what was most precious to me. A part of me died and then a rebirth occurred. My thoughts, perceptions, and how I chose to live my life with the time I had left changed. It opened me up to myself and how I truly wanted to live. A life with purpose and meaning. Focused on connections. Connections with people, nature, animals, myself and […]

Finding Peace After the Loss of a Brother

Posted on May 3, 2022 - by Veronica Crawford

A Brother’s Sudden Death As I walk into the beach hut, all is quiet. Still. Everything, as Carl left it. His table with a view of the ocean he loved so much. On it, an ash tray and tobacco. Carl’s beloved magpie statue, a symbol of his passion for the Collingwood Football Club. All around me, Carl’s belongings. The last time Carl closed the door, he did so with the belief he would return. He didn’t. “A luminous light remains where a beautiful soul has passed,” wrote Antoine Bovena. On March 22, 2011, my brother Carl passed over after a […]

Grief is One Thing. Prolonged Grief Disorder is Another

Posted on May 3, 2022 - by Andrea Gilats

Does She Have a Grief Disorder? A 68-year-old woman seeks care from her primary physician because of trouble sleeping 4 years after the death of her husband. On questioning, she reveals that she is sleeping on a couch in her living room because she cannot bear to sleep in the bed she shared with him. Does she have prolonged grief disorder? She has stopped eating regular meals because preparing them makes her miss him too much; she still has meals that she cooked for him in her freezer. The patient often ruminates about how unfair it was for her husband […]

Dealing with ‘What if’ Questions

Posted on May 3, 2022 - by Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley

What If Questions After a Loss A loved one has died. Even if you knew their death was eminent, you’re in total shock. You feel sad, anxious, and confused. Before death knocked on your door, you had some control over life. Now life seems out of control. Worse, you have more questions than answers. Many are “What if” questions. What would have happened if I and been better prepared? What if I had better coping skills? And what if I had responded differently to death? From What If to What Questions Questions like these are usually associated with the past. […]