My Mother’s Loss Changed Me

My metamorphosis commenced when I suffered the intense loss of my mom. Her death unraveled all my patterns, disrupted my life, and revealed how much I had taken for granted.

It affirmed what was most precious to me. A part of me died and then a rebirth occurred. My thoughts, perceptions, and how I chose to live my life with the time I had left changed. It opened me up to myself and how I truly wanted to live. A life with purpose and meaning. Focused on connections. Connections with people, nature, animals, myself and the mystery of it all. Where joy is a way of being.

I am passionate, inspired, and successful at developing and strengthening relationships with people who nurture my soul. Prosperity didn’t come when I finally reached a goal or gained success, but rather in the journey along the way. The path of life involves other people who are collaborating, supporting, mentoring, and growing together. These are the people I find most energizing and enjoy spending my time with.

More Intentional with My Time

Loss changed me. I have become more intentional about my thoughts, how I spend my time, and what I put my attention to. One of my only commodities is time and it is finite. We each have 24 hours in the day and the older I get I see how the days are numbered.

When I evaluate a new job, relationship, the year ahead, trips, and even weekend outings, I like to write out my intentions. I focus on how I want to feel. Oftentimes in life I deduce things are going awry and anxiety may set in. Maybe I am working too much, not getting outside enough, or a relationship is out of sync.

This is when I revisit what I wrote and how I wanted to feel at work, in my physical body, and in my relationships. I ponder why things are off and I develop a plan to get back on track. I may need to put more boundaries around work and what I say yes to, schedule time to be outside and take walks, make the time to be with friends.

Loss Helped Me Let Go

There is freedom in letting go. As humans, we have a false sense of control. We get all twisted up wanting everything to go our way, for others to behave a certain way, and then to unravel why they didn’t. There is an immense amount of energy wasted trying to control situations and others. It is an exhausting struggle and can cause anxiety, depression, and loss of relationships.

If you can be open to the mystery of life and not judge, but rather receive what is happening, whatever it is, and bask in the freedom in letting go, then you will truly find security and courage. You will lead with trust instead of doubt and be open to what is.

Reclaiming My Authentic Self

The message from the medium Susan Driscoll after my mom passed was this: “It is time for you to slow down and stop being so busy and reflect on yourself. There’s something to come out, the true you, the authentic you.”

I have reclaimed my authentic self. It has always been there and most likely got diverted by my ego and societal pressures I put upon myself. I look at children and see how playful, curious, carefree, and unbridled they are. This is home to me.

I am continually seeking, questioning, researching, and learning. I love to be playful, goofy, and to laugh, especially at myself. And I look forward to discovering new possibilities for myself and the world, while procuring plenty of pleasure.

Lori Koidahl is author of Amazon – Garden of Grief: Cultivating New Life After Loss: Koidahl, Lori: 9781735115603: Books


Lori Koidahl

Lori Koidahl began writing when her mother was killed by a red light runner. She turned to journaling to help her heal, which lead to her debut book Garden of Grief - Cultivating New Life After Loss. She lovingly communicates moving and meaningful lessons from her journey through her grief; with the hope that the actions she took, the love she found, and the ultimate peace that came to her will be of support to others. She is the mother of two grown sons, living in The Evergreen State of Washington where she enjoys its picturesque Puget Sound beauty and works full time as a program management consultant in the technology industry. When she's not working, Lori can be found hiking, listening to live music, dancing, spending time with her family and friends, and tending to her garden.

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