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Discovering After-Death Communication

Posted on October 13, 2022 - by Rebecca Austill-Clausen

Learning Bad News The sun beamed brightly as my 34-year-old brother David and I laughed and reminisced while walking along the sandy shores of Coast Guard National Seashore in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Our family had just gathered for our annual camping vacation, and it was great being together again. David came out that he was gay when he was 22 years old. Twelve years later, thousands of people were dying of AIDS weekly. There was no cure. “Hey David, have you been tested for AIDS?” I ask casually. David turned away. The sun went behind the clouds and a chill […]

Speak Their Names

Posted on October 12, 2022 - by Judy Lipson

My parents never spoke about my beloved sisters Margie and Jane as the pain too hard for them. I followed their lead and did not mention Margie and Jane. For years when asked how many siblings I had, my breath stopped, and I answered, “Just me.” Tt’s a challenging question for almost all bereaved siblings. Today I state, “I am the middle of three, and sadly, I lost both my sisters.” When Jane died, someone said to me, “There will be a day when you will forget your sister.” For years, this haunted me. I lost memories and squashed any […]

Rituals Honor Our Transitions

Posted on October 10, 2022 - by Stephanie Sarazin

Rituals vs. Ceremonies Regardless of upbringing, it’s likely you’ve participated in a variety of rituals and ceremonies throughout your lifetime. Though the terms are often confused or used interchangeably, their differences are important to understand. Think of a ceremony as an event performed in honor of something special, like a birthday party or wedding. A ritual, meanwhile, is an action or group of actions: like singing the happy birthday song, blowing out candles, and eating cake. You may ritualize the end of the workweek by ordering pizza every Friday night. Or you might, at bedtime, repeat the same prayer before […]

Survivor: The Holiday Grief Challenge

Posted on October 10, 2022 - by Colleen Friesen

A quick Google search revealed that the popular Reality TV show, “Survivor,” is now into its 43rd season. The fabricated dramas and constructed struggles those contestants endure have nothing on what we, as grievers, face in the coming months. Preparing for the Challenge I have lived my life embracing my free-spirit attitude. When I married my second husband, he showed me the beauty of organization. He helped me to see that being an organized free spirit is great! With his support, I began facing the losses of my past. Part of that was recognizing that when painful times hit, I would […]

Digging Deep: Finding Comfort after Husband’s Death

Posted on October 5, 2022 - by Joni Sensel

A Sudden Death Tony’s body is stretched on our living room floor. I hunker over my knees on the stepstool in the kitchen, trying not to see his husk from the corner of my eye. Our small house offers nowhere that could hide his departure, and besides, I need to be here near the floor. Where it’s hard to fall down. The floor now unites us. I consider slipping down to the cold laminate, curling into myself there. Its chill seems inviting. But I don’t want to make the volunteer paramedics any more uncomfortable. They’d tried hard. For an hour. […]

When a Nation Grieves its Own Actions

Posted on October 3, 2022 - by Colleen Friesen

Statement of Intent Before I begin, I want to express that I am approaching this topic with a heart of love, respect, acceptance, and hope. I ask the Creator to guide my thoughts. My intention is to aid awakening by making more people aware of Canadian Truth and Reconciliation Day. I acknowledge that I cannot claim to understand the experience of Aboriginal Peoples who have been removed from their land. My message to those who suffer the agonies of inequality is that I accept you, I value you and I am open to share your pain. I also ask you […]

No Recipe for Grief

Posted on October 1, 2022 - by Judy Lipson

No Recipe for Grief I reread the rabbi’s eulogy from my sister Jane’s funeral. He had said, “There is no satisfactory answer to understanding why bad things happen to good people. Not all questions have answers. Unanswered ‘whys’ are a part of life. The way to face tragedy is with love. Use the love we had for Jane to forgive ourselves.” Focusing on his words helped me knock down roadblocks to forgiving myself. Regrets was another word associated with forgiveness. I had so many regrets I could have built a house of them. Why didn’t I reach out to someone? […]

Month Five Worse Than First One

Posted on September 30, 2022 - by Nathan Peterson

Month Five is Worst I’m sure there is a book somewhere that says Month Five after the death of a child is worse than Month One. I’m also sure reading it wouldn’t make any difference. This week, I have turned into a hateful angry person. I have blown up at home multiple times. Everything my wife Heather says hits me wrong. I’m embarrassed that my kids have seen me this way. Not to mention Heather, and probably some neighbors. I feel myself becoming someone I don’t respect. It feels like there is nothing I can do about it, just like […]

Six Months Later, Memories Don’t Fade

Posted on September 29, 2022 - by Nathan Peterson

Six Months Later Today is six months since our daughter Olivia died. It is still so hard to comprehend, staring at this grave, that her body is just a few feet beneath the new grass now growing. Waves of sadness still hit me like a wall when I see a picture of her. I still feel an irresistible urge to touch my phone screen when a photo of her pops up. I still feel the dull ache of loss, the emptiness she left, and it physically hurts. It destroys our bodies. We are walking through these days with feet made […]

‘Are We Sure She’s Dead?’: On Disbelief

Posted on September 28, 2022 - by Nathan Peterson

‘Are We Sure She’s Dead?’ Last night I dreamt about Olivia all night. I dreamt Heather dug her up and was holding her. She looked fine. No decay. She was moving. I have this dream often. I always think, “Wait, are we sure she’s dead? She’s moving!” Everyone in the dream tells me it is totally normal and that she is dead. But last night she talked. She said she loved me, Jude, Charlie, Ruth, and Heather. “Are we sure she’s dead?! She just spoke, for crying out loud.” “Yes, that’s normal.” In the dream, they put her in a big […]