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The Gift Of Tears and Forgiveness

Posted on June 23, 2019 - by Jill Smoot

Recently, I was watching a television interview with a woman who began to apologize to the reporter for “almost crying.” I understood that. Don’t let people see your hurt, don’t be a cry-baby. That was me, seven years before the death of our oldest child. That’s hen everything inside of me underwent radical changes, and these have all been for good in my life. It has been like having my senses heightened to what I have, not what I’ve lost. I found that I could be vulnerable. Like the shedding of tears. Crying for me was a private affair, something I could […]

Fly On

Posted on June 22, 2019 - by Rosemary James

“You found your wings, then you flew away from me,” resonates off the newly painted, lantern-gold bedroom walls. A brighter color to enliven my spirits. We had decided to paint a couple years ago, but didn’t get around to it. The country red was too somber. Lost to the music, I cradle the black, rectangle box that encases you, tighter with each word, swaying to the rhythm of our song. The haunting violin riff intensifies the anguish in my heart, the wrenching and hollowness few understand. Suffocating with each breath, I allow the pain to trickle slowly from my eyes. […]

When a Spouse Didn’t Get To Say Goodbye

Posted on June 22, 2019 - by Peggy Bell

Depending on the circumstances behind your husband’s death, one of the regrets you may have is the fact that you did not get to say goodbye. Everything ended abruptly and without warning. You may be saying things such as, “I didn’t get to tell him I loved him. I didn’t have one more chance to hug and kiss him. I do not know how he wants me to go on. ” This type of regret is a common emotion. When the death is due to a tragic and unexpected circumstance, the emotional and physical pain may be even more intense. […]

A Funeral, a Wedding, Graduations and One Unwanted Guest

Posted on June 22, 2019 - by Elizabeth Brady

It has been six and a half years since our son, Mack, died suddenly on New Year’s Eve 2012, just shy of his ninth birthday. As the many of us who learn to live newly after loss, we take it on as a part of our lives and learn to carry Mack with us through life. So, as we entered this spring season of passages including a funeral, a wedding, and a handful of graduations, I was surprised by my fatigue. I have learned enough over the years to recognize when something is calling for my attention. In some ways […]

The Loss of My Fur Family

Posted on June 6, 2019 - by Ann Schiebert

Lately, I have had many patients come to see me to get grief counseling over the loss of a beloved pet. Their grief aroused my grief over my past losses. The thought came to me that we have a lot of attention focused on loss of a parent, loss of a child, loss of a spouse, or the loss of a friend, but it seems that there is little support for those who have lost a member of their fur family. For me, I have lost both an adult child and pets. I love my pets as much as I […]

Being Exquisitely Seen

Posted on May 29, 2019 - by Tambre Leighn

Books Saved Me I’ve been a lover of words and books and writers since childhood. I treasure the way we can be educated, transported, and transformed through what we read and the stories we share. Every so often, I hear a phrase strung together, like pearls on a string, that resonates deeply in my soul. How a phrase lands can be as breathtaking as the most beautiful view from a mountaintop. During difficult times, I’ve often turned to books for comfort, wisdom, and to feel less alone in my struggles. The author that saved me from my grief was Viktor […]

Embracing Helplessness

Posted on May 15, 2019 - by Greg Adams

Part of me doesn’t want to write about this—feeling and being helpless. Among the feelings I experience on a regular basis, it is one of the least favorite and possibly the champion of them all. Feeling helpless is a loser. If you’re reading this, then likely you know this all too well. You may be a helper or supporter of others. Your job and your orientation in life are to make things better, to make a positive difference. You’ve been trained to intervene. You help solve problems, ease pain and suffering, revise dysfunctional systems, and/or bring relief to the masses […]

Turning Less Into More

Posted on May 15, 2019 - by Tambre Leighn

Well, that was unexpected. It seems, even when dozens and dozens of years have passed, grief, and what triggers it, can still surprise me. I’m writing this on Mother’s Day. I’ve been motherless since I was seventeen years old. It was a quiet day today in my neighborhood. As I stood in silence, watering some succulents that seemed a little thirsty, two women walked by, each carrying a single rose and holding hands with a boy and a girl. “Ah, a Happy Mother’s Day must be in order here for both of you,” I said. I like to engage with […]

‘Reply All’: Celebrating Mother’s Day on Email

Posted on May 11, 2019 - by Beth Marshall

This Mother’s Day, I’m thinking about not only my mom, Beazy, but also about my one-in-a-million grand mom, Nana! Both will be celebrating the day in Heaven. I hope — since we know there will be no sadness, carb-counting or keto-craziness in heaven — they will celebrate the day with one of Nana’s killer six-layer chocolate cakes! Is that cake making your mouth water right now, too? One of my family’s favorite traditions is to stir up an email conversation among the whole family on special days. On Mother’s Day, for example, Cousin Drew might start the day with a […]

Boy’s Don’t Cry…right? WRONG! And That’s Okay

Posted on May 8, 2019 - by Herb Knoll

From the time little boys are first able to walk, in some cases even before they can walk, parents begin shaping the psyche of their sons by telling them, “Boys don’t cry. ” Oh really… who says so? Whoever it was, they should be prosecuted for the harm they have imposed on to men, young and old alike. Who among us doesn’t know a man who when faced with a painful situation such as the loss of a spouse or life partner, turned to tears, only to quickly apologize for having shed them? Why is it society holds men […]