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Man’s Girlfriend Still Grieving Her Deceased Husband

Question from Tom: My girlfriend and I dated for two years (a few years ago) and then split up. She quickly married someone else. He passed away after four years. We started dating again a year after his death. She still grieves over him. Am I an ass for not being sympathetic. I just found out she is still going to his grave. Is this normal? Michele Neff Hernandez, executive director of Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation, responds: Dear Tom: Watching someone you care about grieve over a lost love takes a lot of patience and compassion. When someone dies, our love for them […]

Mother of Ill Child Dealing With Anticipatory Grief

Question from Trish: I am the mother of a 6-year-old with Duchenne MD. His life expectancy is 20 years old. I am also an LPC intern (I currently work as a crisis counselor for hurricane victims in south Louisiana). I am interested in specializing in grief, learning more about anitcipatory grief, and assisting other families that are dealing with expected loss. I see anticipatory grief as largely overlooked in the grief and loss field. What are the best resources for those experiencing anticipatory grief? Marty Tousley, CNS-BC, FT, responds: My dear Trish: I’m so sorry to learn of your son’s serious illness, […]

‘Moment-of-Death Guilt’ and Other Issues Haunt Widow

Question from Lang: My husband passed away on in May from leukemia. I cried every day for more than 2 months. I have 2 children, 15 and 13. They are OK, but I don’t think I am ok. I was the only one who took care of him during his year of sickness. When he was gone, I was not there to say good-bye. He died alone in the hospital because of heart failure. I miss him daily, hourly. We never talked about death before, so now I am lost. I don’t know what to do without him. There’s no […]

Giving Back to Friends Who Helped You Grieve

Grief is isolating. You may become so isolated that you are barely aware of your friends’ help. Sure, you remember their phone calls and sympathy cards, but you may not see the scope of their caring. As I discovered, the support of friends is necessary for grief reconciliation. On a Friday night in February of 2007, my elder daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash. On Sunday, just two days later, my father-in-law succumbed to pneumonia. I sobbed when I saw their photos on the same page of the newspaper. Friends saw the photos, read the […]

Grandmother Wants to Commemorate Deceased Grandson’s Birthday

Deborah writes in: My infant grandson passed away on the day of his birth, and the anniversary is coming. Do you have any suggestions on how to celebrate this day? Mom and Dad are sooo sad. Thank you for your help. Monica Novak, author of The Good Grief Club, responds: Dear Deborah: I am so very sorry for the loss of your grandson. The year following the death of a baby takes a family through such a wide range of emotions, often culminating on the first anniversary of that death, that it can be difficult to decide how to spend the […]

Caregivers Struggle When Parents Age

Most families of our generation don’t talk much about feelings, but when our parent is aging or ill, many emotional issues arise for both the primary caregiver and for other family members. It can be a very challenging time for everyone. My neighbor recently experienced this when her mother in New York state broke her hip in a fall. She and her siblings had very different emotional reactions to the crisis. Some were “too busy” to help while others implied that they couldn’t cope. Kathy was the adult child who was able and willing to take charge of the situation, […]

‘I Just Lost My Son!’ Mother Reaches Out for Help

Tami writes in: I just lost my 18-year-old son in a motorcycle accident….I am so devastated!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can someone help me??????? He is my life! Dr. Gloria Horsley, founder of www.opentohope.com, responds: Dear Tami: Our hearts go out to you. My own son was killed in a fiery crash when he was 17 and I know the shock and pain you are feeling right now. Somehow you get through doing all the things you have to do after such an accident – there are many decisions to make that you don’t feel you can handle but you can and will. If […]

Wife’s Death by Suicide Complicates Man’s Grieving

Question from Nancy: My new partner and I have experienced much joy since finding each other. Both of us have been previously married, and both of us have children. Mine are 21 and 25, while his are 24, 31 and 34. My partner and his children have not yet held a memorial for their wife/mother 4 years after her suicidal death. They have not removed her personal items from the home. They have told everyone she died of illness not suicide. I want to help us to become the couple we deserve to be, but this death hangs over – […]

Where Are Resources for Young Widows?

Question from Bob for author Gloria Lintermans: I am dating a 43-year-old widow with a 9-year-old daughter. Much of what you raise in your book, THE HEALING POWER OF GRIEF, transcends age, but I would love to read about younger widows. Do you know some books about younger widows? Or do you have some thoughts on issues that are more common among younger widows as compared to older widows? Gloria Lintermans responds: Dear Bob: Thank you for writing. The non-profit organization Young Widows or Widowers at http://www.ywow.org/ suggests several books written with the younger widow/widower in mind which you may find helpful. […]

How Does Early Death of Sister Affect Adult Siblings?

Question from TK: My sister and I lost an infant sister in an accident when we were 2 and 5, respectively. Now, 40 years later, I’m struggling to understand how our sister’s death affected us. Outwardly, we are successful with loving spouses and children. Yet there is still a void. Sometimes I think it’s silly to wonder how an event that happened at the edge of our memories could affect our lives today – but when I think of how different our lives would be now if our sister hadn’t died, perhaps it’s a wonder it has not impacted our […]

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