The Open to Hope Community

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Articles:

Helping Boyfriend Deal With His Mother’s Death

Vanessa writes in: On November 27, 2007, my boyfriend’s mother died suddenly at age 43. She was found dead in her bed by my boyfriend and his 13-year-old brother. It was something that no one expected and she had no health problems whatso ever. She was the center of her family’s universe. She was and always will be the most amazing woman I ever met in my life. That day, my boyfriend had the day off. He woke up to find that his mom was still sleeping, so he decided to clean that house for her. After cleaning, he left […]

Loss of A Sibling

by P. Gill White, PhD For many years I have denied the unusual experience that happened to me when my sister Linda was in the hospital just prior to her death from cancer at the age of 13. I realize now that this was a significant part of my spiritual journey. She had been in the hospital for nearly 4 months. One night, I was asleep at home when I heard her softly calling my name….”Pat….Pa-a-a-t” –over and over. I woke up and looked around. The room was dark but a little light came in from the streetlights outside. I […]

On Choice and Grief by Henya Shanun-Klein, Ph.D.

Printed with permissions and courtesy of Dr. Henya Shanun-Klein, Ph.D. When Grief drags us down, leaving us breathlessly beat at the bottom of bottoms – we are confronted with a dilemma: should we stay ‘down under’? Or should we make an effort to surface, to breathe again? Staying ‘down under’ means to, eventually, die of suicide. Question: Is that what our living or dead children want or would have wanted us to do? If the answer is “no!” then there’s only one true option: Re-learn to breathe, re-learn to live, learn to find new meaning in life. As described in […]

Remembering a Child Who Lived a Short Life

By Jenny Hander One of the greatest tragedies in losing a baby is that you don’t get the chance to form enough memories to carry you through a lifetime of living without them. It isn’t that you forget to remember; it is that you don’t have many memories to recall. Though I think of my sweet daughter every day, there are some days I feel as though I created her in my own mind. I ask myself, “Was she ever really here?” I know that she was, but she was here such a short time and so much time has […]

Poem: My Grandfather and His War Buddies Outside a Whiting Diner, Age 10

By David Harrity W.J.H., Sr., b. January 31, 1924, d. May 1, 2000 I was old enough to remember your hands waking me-the stars just beginning to move west. But I was too young to understand. The moon found its way down the dark, the flecks sank to the horizon. Light was coming, morning stirring. I was old enough to remember your hands. Stories of your French girls and Borneo still stand fresh in my head. I know now that I was too young to understand. Tobacco burned over my shoulders, the smoke’s gray taste against my tongue. Like your […]

Dealing With the Death of a Boyfriend

A website visitor has this question for author Comfort Shields: Q: I saw that the author C. Comfort Shields will be on your radio program next week. I am grateful for this and can’t wait to tune in. I spent years searching for a book specifically written about surviving a partner’s (in my case, it was my boyfriend, too) suicide and can’t begin to tell you the relief that Shields’ book, Surviving Ben’s Suicide, has brought me since reading it a couple months ago. In Ms. Shields’ memoir, she talked about how cruel people often were when she told them […]

Everything is Gone In House Fire, Now What Do We Do?

Tina H., Houston, Texas, asks: Our house burned down with everything we own in it. I feel like I’ve been orphaned. No surviving photos of our children or our parents. No LPs or CDs or cassettes. Our computers were fried. Our books burned up. Everyone says, “Praise God that no one was hurt.” But I can’t see it. How can I get over this? Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley respond: It is very tough to have a house fire that takes everything. One of our listeners’ house burned down a few years ago due to faulty Christmas lights. No one […]

Caregivers Do More Than Just Provide Care

By Ryan L Malone In an assisted living environment, caregivers are often thought of only as “hired help.” In fact, both short and long-term relationships with caregivers offer benefits far exceeding assistance with daily living. The acceptance that caregivers are play an important role in the daily happiness of both the patient and family can lead to a far more positive assisted living experience. For residents, caregivers play a number of different roles, including: A friend. Just like having a roommate, the caregiver and your loved one will spend a lot of time together. And just like a roommate, a […]

Family Caregivers’ Loss of Independence

By Martha Paulson Today, every six seconds someone turns 62. Makes you stop and think, doesn’t it? As more and more aging adults start to retire, families at one point have to take on the responsibility of care for a loved one. When you have your own family to worry about, the added responsibility can become overwhelming. Playing the role of caregiver can have adverse changes on everyone who enlists that into their own life. Whether it is the spouse, daughter or son of the ailing parent, becoming a caregiver will have a lasting effect on a person’s life. Families […]

Dr. Gloria Responds to Newsweek Article “Inside the Grieving Brain”

Dear Jamie Ryan, Sorry to hear about you loss of Leah. Thanks for pointing out the article by Jerry Adler, Newsweek, July 26, 2008 While we have not had a chance to review the reach of O’Connor and colleagues using an fMRI machine to probe the neurological basis for complicated grief. We find the idea that grief lasting more six month is “complicated” and therefore would qualify as a mental health issue to be on the silly side. We are always concerned about the fact that the DSM 4 states that it is complicated grief after six months. We hear […]

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