When my mother died in 2004, we had so much unfinished business that I thought her death ended all chances of healing our strained relationship. Encouraged by a friend, I began journaling with the intention of reaching through the veil to my mother.  Even though my Catholic religion frowned on talking to the dead, it certainly encouraged praying for the dead.  I picked the middle ground.  I prayed for mother to help me understand why we never found an intimate moment in our lives.  Then I meditated for 20 minutes to clear my mind before I began writing in my journal. My heartfelt letter to Mom was followed by words that seemed to flow from my pen on to the page.  Words that encouraged me to stay connected through our transpersonal journaling. Mom shared that she could help me by using Celestial Conversations to explain what caused our strained relationship and how we could heal our past.

At the time, I was so thrilled to know that we were connected that I continued to pray, meditate and write in my journal without telling anyone else.   In 2005, I knew nothing of Transpersonal Psychology; I only knew that many people, even saints in my Catholic faith, had penetrated the veil of death for the higher good.  I also knew that many non-spiritual people had found ways to receive information from loved-ones after they died. Ordinary people wrote stories about getting advice and consolation from dead husbands, wives, sisters and children. They all claimed it helped them.  It inspired me to try to connect with my mother’s spirit.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” I mused.

Scientists have proven that reaching through the veil is possible. Dr. Alan Botkin has been working with veterans for years, using Induced After Death Communication as a means to help heal military personnel who have PTSD.  His success has spread around the world.  He opened up the Alan Botkin Institute in Germany, run by psychologist, Juliane Grodhues, who also serves on the Board of IADC.   Graham Maxey, the Clinical Executive Director and board member of IADC, lives in Texas. After working with Dr. Botkin, he expanded the works of IADC into the worlds of Humana and Hospice.   The website gave me even more incentive to try to reach Mom:   http://www.induced-adc.com/

My intention was personal and private. Did I tell anyone?  Not on your life!   I didn’t know what to tell anyone anyway.  I felt that Mother was explaining why we never connected intimately in words that I could understand.  Her advice helped me to let go of my resentment and criticism about our mother-daughter relationship.  Gradually, I lightened up so much that my husband asked me what I was doing.  He commented, “You appear less angry with your Mom.  I don’t know what you are doing, but it looks good on you.”  Ray was the first person I told about my Celestial Conversations.  He just said, “Keep it up.”  I did.  I told no one else.  I knew it was an unusual tool, but it was helping me. Besides I never intended to share this process with anyone else.  As I said, this was private and personal.

Then tragically in 2005, our daughter died by suicide while I was in England.  Her impending divorce made it difficult for me to find out what happened.  So I wrote to my mother, pleading for information.  No one in our family believed that Cyndi would leave her boys. While writing the words from Mom in my journal, a distinct change in energy and wording came through my pen onto the page.  I knew it was Cyndi.

I wrote the words that were indelibly engraved in my mind: “Mom, I need to talk with you.  I am so sorry.  I made a mistake.”  Then she went on to tell me what happened. She also shared what it was like to “watch” the trauma her death created in our family from the other side of the veil.  “This is where hell is, Mom,” she wrote on my page.  Then she began to teach me how to help the sons she left behind.

For the last ten years, I have kept a journal with my mother and my daughter.  Their advice has helped me weather the grief process and grow more spiritually attuned. They taught me that forgiveness is the key to healing a broken heart.  I have learned unconditional love is the key to understanding human mistakes.  I was urged over and over not to waste a moment in criticism, judgment and resentment of myself or others. Instead, both Cyndi and Mom counseled me to use each day to spread love and kindness in this world.

“Love is all there is,” says Cyndi.  “Our human relationships give us the chance to love one another.  Don’t waste a minute in negativity.”  Mother’s words add to this theme, “When I was alive, I didn’t understand the power of forgiveness, but believe me, it is the most powerful tool of human beings. Don’t underestimate the intention of forgiveness.  Just be willing to forgive every little thing:  the way someone speaks to you or doesn’t; the way someone ignores you; the way someone gives you unwelcome advice; the way someone judges you.  Every little thing forgiven takes away the huge bolder that weighs so heavily on your heart.”

I followed Mother’s advice. Over the last ten years, I lightened up enough to realize that she was right.  Collecting injustices is a waste of precious time on the earth.  I encourage you to try to forgive one item at a time, just as I did. My life now if filled with the intention to use each day as a gift of love to someone else’s mother or someone else’s daughter.  It gives me purpose and peace. As the song goes, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love.”  Blessings!

Lo Anne Mayer

Lo Anne Mayer, author of Celestial Conversations: Healing Relationships After Death, and co-founder of the International Grief Council, offers motivational talks, workshops, and retreats on transpersonal journaling. She resides in New Jersey but travels throughout the US to share her message of forgiveness and unconditional love. http://www.internationalgriefcouncil.org/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb0BSUC-sn8

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