Overall humans can be pretty hard on themselves. It seems like I am always telling my clients not be to be so hard on themselves. Watch the self-talk. Imagine yourself as child you love so dearly; would you talk to them that way if they were going through a difficult time?
When I have compassion for others, it is because I can feel another’s anger, sadness and/or pain. I don’t take it on, but I can feel it. I hold that space with them and bring in an energy of loving kindness for the pain they are experiencing. Working in hospice, it is vital that I do this for them and for myself.
I do understand deeply that grieving is something that cannot be forced and yet a busy lifestyle causes us to tuck it away sometimes. Yet, when it stays in the body it can cause all kinds of problems mentally and physically. I have witnessed people who carry anger and sadness their entire life. It literally is poison to the body, and many of these people die with it as well. They were never able to move on from their pain.
Let’s focus on you and then you can help another if need be. Perhaps someone has passed away and it feels unfinished. Were there words not expressed in the end because of an accidental death? Maybe your angry at a medical professional for how it all happened, or maybe there is deep unfinished business that was not resolved before end of life. Take the time to get quiet ask yourself these 3 questions.
- Why am I so angry or sad? Journal about it; no one needs to read it or see it but you!
- What can you do about it? This is an exercise in acceptance. No time line, just allowing acceptance of the situation to settle in. Notice I write acceptance, not letting go.
- How can I experience self-forgiveness and compassion? This naturally begins to show up after #2.
That’s the work. Put this into practice with slow deep breathing whenever these thoughts bubble up, remembering your 3 steps. I know for a fact that compassion helps to heal difficult situations. Finding acceptance in your situation comes from research. How did this person become this way? When did I start feeling like this? When you write about these things then do the other 2 steps you will find the energy of negative feelings will begin to change to acceptance and understanding and finally compassion for yourself and them.
I know this works because I have done it myself with my own dad. I felt like I missed him being a father my entire life and wanted him to be more. When my dad was 79 somehow I knew and had the feeling he would die soon. A freak accident took him just 3 months after. I grieved the relationship with him that I didn’t get to have. I know he did the best he could with what happened to him in his life with his dad.
Give it a try and I wish you peace on your journey.