In this episode, the authors of Devastating Losses, William and Beverly Feigelman, join Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley. The couple lost their 32-year-old son to suicide related to substance abuse. He was living in New York with his fiancé when he hanged himself. Although Jesse had a long history of substance abuse—and Beverly, who was a specialized therapist treating substance abuse patients—they never saw the death coming. Suicide and drug/alcohol losses are often stigmatized and disenfranchised. For the Feigelmans, they experienced disenfranchised loss doubly, since Jesse’s death was caused by both substance abuse and suicide.
Vanessa McGannon also joins the show to discuss her involvement with The American Association of Suicidology. Larry Stevens, singer and songwriter, closes the show with a special performance. “The book is based on a survey-conducted study in 2006 with 462 suicide bereaved parents,” explains William. Some died by drugs, some by accidents, some by natural causes, and of course, some by suicide. The Feigelmans hope that their work will help address the stigma of drug/alcohol losses.
When “Giving Space” Doesn’t Work
When somebody loses a loved one to suicide, drugs, alcohol, or another stigma-rich incident, a lot of people think “giving the bereaved space” is the best approach. However, this reads as a lack of compassion. It can be very lonely to lose somebody to suicide or substance abuse. You may find yourself with no support from family or friends. “You should have” can crop up in conversations, even if the person saying it means well.
The Feigelmans encourage everyone to seek out a support network, whether it’s via friends and family or a professional network. Beverly remembers getting sympathy cards when the family dog died. The same people who sent those cards didn’t say or do anything with the loss of their son. “It’s a shame, it’s a stigma, and we don’t know how to deal with this” is a common response.
This movie was the first in depth look I have taken into physician assestid suicide. It did allow me to come up with some opinions of my own. I was slightly appalled that acacacacacacacacacit is legal in some states even here in the U.S. But the fact that this man traveled out of the country he called his home to PAY the company, Dignitas, about $4500 to help him die caught me off guard. If I was going to do that I would at least leave my family with my money. At first I was totally against his idea, I think I still am but now I can understand the position where someone in that situation is coming from. Craig was going to die, and he like any other human didn’t want to suffer so he thought the benefits like getting to say a final goodbye to his family was enough to commit suicide. It is a very touchy situation; even the coordinators knew that, they filmed it and call the police afterward. And to “free them of guilt” they make the patient press the button which commits the final act of suicide. I also didn’t know that there was a doctor’s approval involved, and there aren’t many that will.I agree with Johno that if the patient is suffering and is already going to die then it should be allowed. but i think it has to be a definate illness like ALS. and i would still have them try to cope with their illness that is appropriate for each div=fferent illness.