Grief Poem: Mother, I Don’t Mind The Pain

I am among those who know that one never recovers from the loss of one deeply loved. We come to accept the death and adjust our lives – rather begrudingly, but we do not recover, we survive. Somewhere in the grief process, we make the decision to survive and then we are emotionally enabled to build a different kind of relationship with our deceased loved one.

Mother, I Don’t Mind The Pain

When you died my dearest, blessed mother,

I had no sights or thoughts for tomorrow.

My soul experienced a wrenching eruption

Of pain and grief and excruciating sorrow.

The anguish of spirit: so unbearable;

The agony of mind: so intense,

The suffering in body: so unceasing,

Against all: I had no defense.

Nevertheless, beloved, I need you to know,

And I pray you can hear what I say.

I don’t mind the pain I’m going through.

It’s a small price, for our love, to pay.

We knew that one day we would have to part;

That death would come by in due time.

We knew how hard it would be for the other,

Who had to courageously linger behind.

But we knew our bond was worth the cost,

And valued each moment together we shared.

Now that I must without you go on,

The pain of my loss I will not be spared.

I wouldn’t, if I could, give my pain away.

It’s special and mine all alone.

It affirms all the love that I felt for you,

And in me, it can only be known.

So mother, though the pain of grief I endure

Will gradually and slowly subside.

The strength of the love that you and I share,

In the core of my heart will forever abide.

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: A Grief Healing Workbook, will be available soon.

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  • Kathy says:

    I lost my dear Mother in March of 2004. She was 72 and was my best friend. Your poem really touches what I have felt and has put in perspective another way of seeing my grief. Thank you so much.

  • Luann says:

    I lost my precious Mother in April, 2007. She was 94 and had lived with me for over 20 years. She had slight dementia, but was healthy and active. I had gone to run some errands, she was sitting on her bed and had either a stroke or heart attack and I didn’t get back before she died. I miss her so much, we were always so close. I don’t think I will ever get over the pain.

  • Beth says:

    Sudden Death of my Mother
    My Mom was so young and so strong. She had no fear even though she had faced many trials. She died in her bed on Labor Day weekend, 2007 suddenly and without any warning. By all accounts from the outside she was healthy. She was happy. She had a daughter and son her loved her dearly. Now she is gone and I am left with the aching pain of her absence. It’s been two years but my life has been marked forever. I feel deep sadness and sometimes hopeless about finding happiness again. I try to cherish the sweet moments I have when I do feel Joy in my heart again. I’ll be married in less than two weeks and the pain of not having her there is almost unbearable. I spent most of my free time with her and we always did things together, even grocery shopping. I wish I could pull up to her house again, laundry basket in tow, and do my laundry and eat dinner at her table. I wish I could sleep in her spare room or curl up watching TV together again. She was comfort for me, a safe place, somewhere I didn’t feel alone. Now even with those around me that love me, I still feel alone. Nobody knows how unhappy I am. Everyone thinks I’m just fine. If they only knew.

  • Luann says:

    Did you lose your Mother just this Labor Day weekend?? It’s been almost five months for me and I think the pain gets worse every day. What I would give to hug her small body and give her just one more goodnight kiss. I do know how unhappy you are, I feel the same. I don’t find joy in doing things anymore, they are just perfunctory acts, going thru the motions so they won’t lock me up somewhere. I have children (grown) and grandchildren that need me tho like I needed her, so I know I have to go on. Mother would have been very unhappy with me if I don’t take care of the rest of the family the way she did for so many years. I don’t look forward to doing anything, it’s a matter of getting through each hour each day and trying not to break and cry. She lived with me so all her things are there and I just still see her everywhere in my house.
    Answer back and let’s talk.