Grief is a journey I know too well. I lost my husband and my mom to cancer within a few weeks of each other. But right now, I find myself experiencing grief on a whole new level, and this time in the company of a whole nation. The recent heartbreaking, terror-based, horrifying incident in Israel on October 7, where many innocent lives were lost and are still being lost, has unfortunately plunged the Jewish people into a realm of complicated grief. In facing this collective sorrow, I find myself resorting to familiar tools
that once helped me cope with personal loss. Through this article, I aim to illuminate the potentially challenging road ahead and offer insights into how we might navigate it together.

Finding healing through expression

In my experience of grieving, writing became a companion. Sharing my feelings, and thoughts and expressing my hopes and struggles brought me solace. I found relief in speaking out instead of keeping silent, even though not everyone understood. It was vital for my healing and my desire to connect with and support those facing tough times like me. In these challenging moments, I encourage the nation to find their voices and express themselves. By expressing our thoughts and feelings, we not only contribute to our healing but also foster a sense of unity and understanding within our community.

Sharing the pain

In the face of losing loved ones, my closest companions gathered almost instinctively, adhering to the tradition of Shiva—a communal gathering to mourn and offer support. Similarly, when news of the attack in Israel became known, I, as part of the Jewish
community, responded collectively, uniting in acknowledgment of the profound sorrow that had befallen the entire nation. This is a poignant reminder for the nation to stand shoulder to shoulder with others and provide each other with support, empathy, and the
possibility of healing together.

Finding Strength in Understanding and Faith

I learned that true healing starts when we are finally able to look deep inside, process the why and what, and try to stay grateful for the small moments in our lives. Grief is a very individual process. As Israel mourns, I would love to continually see us find strength by standing together, no matter our differences or opinions on the matter. In tough times, a nation must join hands to support each other, offer comfort and unity, keep our faith in God, and create a feeling of togetherness and shared purpose.

Teaching and understanding

Just like I had to figure out my way to navigate through grief, a nation, too, needs to figure out how to collectively heal. On my journey, not everyone understood what I was feeling, and people had different opinions on how and when I should make certain moves. Similarly, in the healing of a nation, there are diverse perspectives and varied opinions on how to cope with this horrifying situation. Despite the circulation of misunderstandings and false information, it’s essential to remember that the wounds our nation bears are intricate and rooted in a history filled with battles against discrimination.

These complexities form the foundation of our grief journey. It’s a journey that may not be fully understood by those unaware of the profound impact of the challenges we face. In this context, education and awareness emerge as powerful tools, standing against the
roots of hatred and violence.

Taking It Slow

Drawing from personal experience, grief doesn’t dissipate swiftly; it lingers, casting a shadow of enduring sadness. Just as I gleaned from my loss that the journey of grief doesn’t adhere to a rigid timeline and is profoundly personal, our nation must recognize that the pain stemming from this tragedy may endure for an extended period, perhaps indefinitely, impacting individuals in diverse ways.

Grieving is an intensely personal path that should be void of judgment. In such times, what matters most is extending respect
and support to one another. As I pen down these words, the sentiment echoing in my heart is simple yet powerful: “Be Jewish, Be Loud, and Be Proud.” It encapsulates the resilience and unity that define us.

Am Israel Chai!!!

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Read more from Dr. Mankes: Positive Attitude and Faith in Grief – Open to Hope