Losing a daughter to cancer

My beautiful first born daughter died three days before she turned 26 from cancer. She fought so hard for 14 months but the cancer was so aggressive and she lost her battle. Our family never lost hope and thought that God would answer our prayers and we would have our miracle, but it did not happen. We could never talk about death, just the hope that she would make it. I am having so much trouble dealing with this unbearable loss, I don`t know how I can ever be happy again and not have this sadness. I would like to hear from other parents who have lost a child of the same age due to cancer. She had cervical cancer, my story is very long and medical errors were made along the way as well. I am so frustrated and cannot believe she is gone forever.


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  • Diane says:

    Hi Maggie,
    First I want to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful, first-born daughter. I lost my son, Nickolas, to leukemia at the age of 26. He fought his battle for fifteen months. My son had to have a bone marrow transplant. Nick had many hospitalizations and there were many errors made along the way. My son died from irreversible lung damage that the doctors never picked up until it was too late. I live with regret, sadness and so many feelings I don’t know what to do with. The images from the hospital are etched in my mind. I was Nick’s caregiver and I spent my days and nights fighting the doctors and this horrible disease. We were battle buddies and I miss him more than words can say. Nick died in August of 2009. I feel like only another parent who has lost their child to cancer can understand the pain of that journey. Please email me and we can talk. I am also on Facebook and I would be honored to hear the story of your daughter’s battle against cancer. Sincerely,
    Diane (Mom to ^^Nickolas^^ & Sara)

    • Susana says:

      How are you doing now?
      I just lost my daughter on 2/21/16, she was 31 and she also died from lung complications after only 4 HD-lL2 treatments (she was to get 14! in one week at the ICU)
      I relive the pain she suffered and I wonder if a mother can regain some sort of joy in what is left after our babies are gone.

  • Betty says:

    Hi Maggie,
    I understand exactly what you are feeling I lost my only child to leukemia in May 2010.She was 29 yrs old and fought for four long years and through two stem cell transplants and always was so sure that she was going to be victorious over cancer.We always felt like if anyone could beat this it would be Shaunna.I lost my husband 10yrs ago to colon cancer and now my family is gone .The heartbreak is so intense at times I can’t even explain.We spent months at the hospital and never thought we’d be leaving without her.Please feel free to email I understand your anguish.
    [email protected]

  • Lesley says:

    Hi Maggie , Diane & Betty
    I also lost my only daughter to cancer, Hollie suffered from a Brain Tumour and fought hard through chemotherapy & radiotherapy for a year. She passed away June 08 aged 23 years.
    no one but us knows the deepness and serverity of the pain we have each day.
    I will never be happy without Hollie x
    Lesley x

  • elaine says:

    My name is elaine, I lost my son to cancer, 6 years ago, he had ewings sarcoma, a tumour in his pelvis. By the time he managed to get a scan the tumour was the size of a tennis ball, even then we was told the cancer was curable. He fought for a year having chemo and radiotherapy, operations, and other treatment, We travelled the journey together, I wish it was me, to watch your child suffer is the worse thing in the world, not being able to take the pain away, the emotions are tremendous. He was 27 when he died, he had so much to live for, to me life is unfair. He will always be in my heartm my tears will always flow, but my love will grow stronger, One day i believe we will be together, and oh Im so going to hug him again, I will never be whole again, i miss him so much. x

    • Aldrin jones says:

      I lost my 8 year old to Ewing’s a month back n the images of him going through the chemo radiotherapy operations injections and his Last days where he died in my arms can never be erased. Every day is like a death sentence. I miss my Angel Jayden every second. No person can ever imagine the pain. I just want to be him soooon 😢

  • elaine says:

    it would be good to talk, my email addres is [email protected]

  • lyle says:

    My eldest son of 4 passed away at home 3 hours before his 27th birthday. The date was February 26th, 2011. He beat 4 cancers before finally succumbing to his 5th cancer. My wife and I watched as he took his last breath while at home on a Friday night at precisely 9:09 PM. He left a very close and dear friend in the brother that was 18 months his younger. I have a very nice spiritual story to tell you parents who have lost a child like my wife and I have. It has given us hope and brought us much happiness. While there is nothing that will fill the hole that the loss of our son has left, and while there is nothing that will stop the tears from flowing when we think of his ambitions and dreams and see the remains of the projects he had around the house, it is comforting to know, that we will see each other again. Of this I have no doubt and if you would like to know how I know, then email me and I will be more than happy to share my experience with you. May your endearing love for your child carry you through these darkest hours (and rest assured you can see each other again) is my prayer for you.

    • Glenda says:

      I lost my beautiful young daughter to stage IV breast cancer on March 21, 2017. She was only 33 years old. We battled her cancer together for nearly 3 yrs. I had faith and really believed that she would be healed on this earth, but that didn’t happen. I cry everyday for her and still can’t believe she is gone. There are days when the pain feels unbearable and I don’t know how to live on without her. I don’t feel I’ll ever know happiness again in this lifetime. Only a parent that has lost a child would understand how I feel.

      • Heather Warren says:

        indeed I know how you feel. i lost mt beautiful daughter to bowel cancer ,she died on 6th Dec 17. My daughter Jenny was 35 and I feel consumed with grief , I cry every day several times a day. I am also a Widdow having lost my husband also to cancer 15 years ago.I sometimes feel this is the end for me and I cannot go on .

  • Barbara says:

    It was one year on March 21st that my only son passed away from an Acute Luekemia. He was only 28. He experienced a bone-marrow transplant and suffered through the agonizing treatments for one year before his death. I spent most of that year by his side along with his sweet young wife. We were with him at home when he left this world. He was brave and fought with courage. We spoke frankly about the tragic possibilities of losing him. We were blessed to have been able to spend that precious year with him. On the other hand, we are left to carry on our lives without him. It’s very difficult. I hold on to the memories of my son’s courage, forgiveness and love. It gives me hope and encourages me to embrace life through the tears.

  • kkb says:

    My heart goes out to everyone here. We lost our only daughter to Acute Myeloid Leukemia October 26, 2010. She fought for 21 months , stem cell transplant, and many Phase I -IV treatments. I still cannot believe she is gone. I feel like everyone expects me to “move on”… but I can’t.
    And what to I say to everyone who ask “how are you doing?” .. how do they think I am doing? I lost my daughter to an awful disease and watched her die at 26 years old. I am not sure of anything right now. I was able to spend most of the 21 months by her side along with her wonderful husband. I am thankful for that.

  • sandra says:

    hi i lost my daughter to cervical cancer on june 23 2011 my story sounds so much like the 1st letter on this page my daughter was 26 she died 3 weeks before her 27th birthday i am so lost at the moment i miss her so very much she was my middle child we allso had a lot of medical errors sandra

  • Christy Gale says:

    My story is similar to all of yours. My first born son passed 10 days ago on Dec. 13, 2011. He would have been 26 on Jan. 8, 2012. He was diagnosed w/Testicular Cancer in Jan. 2008. He was in remission for 2 yrs. 8 mo. For the past 12 months he fought fiercely. The numerous surgerys, chemotherapy, etc. The only way I can describe the pain I feel is when I gave birth to him I had no idea I could love so much. It’s the same as his death just opposite, I had no idea I could hurt so much. The ugly memories in my head from his battle w/cancer is haunting. I am blessed that I could hold him when he took his first breath and I was holding him when he took his last breath. We also have dealt w/medical errors and lies. I have forever changed and I know I have to stay strong for my other 2 sons. But my heart has a mountain on it.

  • Anne says:

    I lost my daughter at the age of 23 to Luekemia. She was my heart. I am blessed that I had her beauty in my life for all the years she was alive. We mothers are strong. We cry with our children their every tear. We feel every twinge of their pain. We go to hell and back with them and yet we still stand, wishing so much it was them still standing instead of us. However that choice was not given to us. Now it is our job to continuing standing, to carry their memories, their dreams, spread their love and tell the world they mattered. All of our children mattered.

  • Diane says:

    Its been almost a yr since I lost my Ingrid to breast cancer.She was my only daughter.We have 2 girls to raise now one who is blind and autistic. I cant seem to move on..I cry every day..does greif stay with you forever? The hole in my heart hurts. I do keep it together for the girls but there are alot of awful days and nothing will ever be the same.

  • Janet says:

    My daughter died on the 14th of November 2011 after a 6 month battle with cervical cancer. The pain is still unbearable the suffering she went through will stay with me forever she left behind a 7 year old daughter and 1 year old son she was 26.

  • Helen says:

    We lost our precious son on 17th June 2011 to Acute Lymphoblastic leukaemia. He was 18. I miss him so much and find the pain unbearable. We spent such alot of time together in hospital he was my best friend.He was first diagnosed in December 2009 and at that time we were told how successful the treatment was.But the leukaemia came back in December 2010 and he never managed to get back into remission after that. What we saw him go through was horrific and will haunt me for ever. I just cant believe he will never come back. He was such a healthy lad and everything to live for. Where is the justice in this life…

  • Margaret says:

    Life one minute is ordinary and sometimes can be humdrum and we complain about the most trivial of things.It is only when a real bolt comes out of the blue like learning that your only child has breast cancer that you quickly learn what is truly important. You think that this is now going to be an uphill struggle but you will get through, you will fight every step of the way and defeat this awful enemy and pull through victorious.You tell your daughter that it’s going to be alright and you believe it.
    Then comes the reality of seeing them going through the awful treatment of chemotherapy, mastectomy, radiotherapy, thinking they will pull through in the end. BUT, the awful day still comes when you learn that this awful didease has migrated to another part of their precious body! This time it’s the liver and there is no cure. Nothing will ever erase the look on my daughter ‘s face when we were told this. It haunts me at night when I spend hours going over all the terrible days weeks and months of suffering and this for her was all for nothing. She lost her fight on March 19th 2011 at 8.20 in the evening.both her dad and I were with her when she drew her last breath. It was a Saturday night and every Saturday evening since I always watch the clock and am glad to see that time pass.
    My daughter was not married and she did not have children. This was one thing she said she was grateful for when she knew she was near her death. She just asked that my husband and I treasure each other because she knew that we would miss her so much. I will never be able to come to terms with her death . We were so close and she was loved so much. She was a loving , thoughtful person with many many friends who have missed her .Why are we born to see our children suffer like this. I cannot .
    Thankyou to all the grieving parents who have contributed to this site. It dose help to hear from others who are suffering like us.. My best wishes to you all and may we all find a little more peace in our hearts someday.

    • Deborah says:

      Our daughter is in the final stages of dying from small cell cervical cancer. She is only 27 years old, and our only child. I am so eaten up with grief and so afraid of that moment when she leaves us. It was so good to read everyone’s posts about there children. I wish I could hug you all.

  • claudette says:

    I just lost my beautiful daughter to brain cancer in June21 2012 she had just turned 38 years, a beautiful girl always smiling,she has 6 kids the oldest being 15 and the youngest being 3 years old, she loved her children so much, and she fought very hard to stay alive, but God took her anyways, that is why I’am having a lot of trouble believing in God right now, and the pain in my heart will never go away, and her babies miss her so much, I’am trying to have faith but right now I don’t, I have a picture of my daughter always beside me and I talk to her everyday I tell her how the kids are doing,that they are doing ok, I know that she hears me, but this hole in my heart will last forever.

  • Erandy says:

    This is for the father who would be more than happy to.share his inspirational storie please email me to [email protected]

  • Heilie says:

    I feel so empty inside – all these heartbreaking stories of parents losing a beautiful child due to cancer. I myself had a beautiful energetic boy that was diagnoses with melanoma skin cancer in December 2010 – it was all ready stage 4 – he was healthy no signs of a illness – it was by accident that we removed a mole that just appeared on his skin – not born with it only appeared on his left upper shoulder. He played rugby was full of energy and such a beautiful child that loved everybody he loved the outdoors. He finished school in 2011 and was about to go to university when he started complaining of headaces and suddenly a big tumor appeared in his brain – he received radiation and chemo (the chemo nearly killed him), the tumor shrinkked and we were happy with his treatment, but 4 months later he started complaining that his foot is dropping and that he is walking difficultly – so we took him for more scans and they saw 2 spots on his spine. It just broked my heart to see him having to go through radiation and chemo again. He use to get chemo on a friday and on a saturday he would play rugby for his school. He never complained he always said God will not leave him. After more scans it looked like the tumors started getting smaller and he went back to gym. His dr suggested that we see a surgeon to remove the tumor in his back as it was still there.

    What sounded like a small operation ended up in being a whole 6 hours in teater. The dr. came out and wanted to see us – bad news – medically there was nothing they could do for him. Maybe 6 month maybe a year! We were devastated!!! How could this be after all our dr told us we were winning this fight!! We never told him! He was operated on the Tuesday, 16th October 2012 (he walked in the hospital) and went home until the 26th October 2012(he could hardly walk), I Took him back to hospital as he could no longer walk – by saturday the 28th he could not sit up straight in his bed — suddenly it looked like he was talking but not reaating – by Sunday he was brain death. One moment stil he wasl with us eating and drinking and watching tv and the next moment everything went wrong! He was 19 when he died and we had to switch of the machines!! He loved life and believed God would cure him. Now I have questions regarding my faith, but then I also knew that he would rather be in heaven than had to be without legs. I cry every day – tomorrow it will be 3 months!! My heart will always be broken until I see him again. How can a parent live life and know that we are alone now in this world. We do not have kids to see them die before us! Melanoma cancer is deadly and kills you silently – we never even know what skin cancer was – Roedie hardly got burned, but went fishing often and was in the sun alot. He endured this battle the biggest one of his life but it made him a better person, he loved us – we were his best friends and he had he most beautifull girlfriend that was at his side all the time. I never thought that he will die – it just happended so suddenly! The pain will never go away and the tears are there all the time.

  • If you are a parent or family member that is going through or gone through having a child with leukemia/cancer please follow my blog http://jamesjordandarling.blogspot.com/ feel free to ask questions or give your feedback.

  • Don Arnold says:

    18Apr13-Yesterday we met for a second opinion from another cancer center…the best in the field for treatment for our precious Michelle…she was 39 in 09 when she had her ovaries removed, a successful operation & preventative chemo followed with remission until 2011…then a spot appeared in her upper chest dangerously near her aorta but a successful surgery followed by more chemo then the finding of a growing spot in her liver always before thought benign suddenly grew by Dec12 …..RFI was recommended with the comments from the MDs that they would get it…one treatment, a month delay then 2 wks ago we were told the treatment was being stopped and Michelle had 6-9 mos to live….she feels healthy, is in good spirits this beautiful girl with the great personality—everyone knows her, she was my hat trick forward from the time she was in grade school—a petite beauty with a flair for design and art and a stage presence that made you wonder why she wasn’t a star actor—-well she is in my heart the biggest star!….her younger sister now a first mom and pregnant with her second child is crushed—When I married Carol, I got my Michelle when she was 3 yrs old, she has never been any other than my daughter, a challenge but this quirky precious beauty was mine & when Carol had her sister, these two became so close more than anyone can ever imagine to me…
    Please email me with all your suggestions….I’ve read what each and everyone of you have endured and I can’t possibly say how much my heart goes out to all of you and your families..i WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO MY MICHELLE!. The economy and some bad decisions on my part have left me without the resources to do what I’d like which is to take Michelle to the warm waters where we vacationed in better times and spend every lasting minute with her and her mom and sister and our granddaughter….but that’s not possible….So tell me all your suggestions, give me minute by minute details of what you would have me do to spend these all too few last months with Michelle….thank you, [email protected] and I pray for each of you for God to sustain you in your loses.

  • Rene says:

    I have just lost my precious Celeste 5 days ago. The pain is too fresh to go into detail, all I know is that life can never be the same again

  • gwen wheeler says:

    My daughter Natasha passed away at hospice on May 24, 2013 at the age of 25. She was initially diagnosed with cylindroma a rare sweat gland cancer about 2 years ago with clear border on a small firm nodular on her left upper back after 3 minor surgeries at that time she saw a cutaneous oncologist. He never touched her said I have looked at the path report and the lesion is excised that is all that needs to be done. I said are you sure this doesn’t spread he said yes and he does not do body scans. So we took his word I look back and wondered why didnt I get a 2nd opinion my daughter was 23 at that time. Last spring this time of the year she started losing weight and felt nauseated and could only eat a few bites. She had no insurance she had paid 1500.00 for the oncologist to tell her she was cancerfree so she had no extra money to get seen. I finally got her on my insurance she finally could see a physician June 7, 2012 at 7 am on that same day her Dr called me at 5 pm and told me my 24 year old had metastasis cancer in her liver and lung. I was heartbroken my daughter was in denial. After 2 months of workup she finally had a liver biopsy and petscan show a cylindroma so the GI oncologist sent us back to the cutaneous clinic at the same Moffitt Cancer Center. This time Tasha has a wonderful young oncologist who works with us. She started chemo July 4 taxol/carplation. She finished 6 months and was on chemo holiday. She had lost 100 lb, very fatigue had to have a care giver at all times (me) when she developed double vision. After a week in the hospital a new resident noticed a lesion in her skull during a tumor board. It had been there the whole time but had grown since the brain blood barrier keeps the chemo out and was causing 6th cranial nerve palsy. She had brain surgery and the path report changed everything for us poorly differentiated neuroendocrine cancer with mets to liver bones, bilateral lungs colon, and skull wrapped around the carotid artery. She asked her prognosis was given a few months that was March 10 2013. She wanted to keep fighting but her body loss the battle to this terrible cancer . I am still heartbroken 7 weeks later. I miss her so much. I would have taken her place in a heartbeat. Sorry so long guess I just needed to vent to someone who understands.

  • Gemma marshall says:

    Hello my name is Gemma tomorrow will be four weeks since I lost my beautiful best friend my little sister vickie to aml leukemia she was diagnosed in aug 12 an had a bone marrow transplant on Xmas day 2012 she was in remission till sept when they said it had come back she also had a mutation called flt3 which was even harder to fight she was an absolute warrior an never let it get to her even when she told the doctors she didn’t want to hear any bad news an to just tell our parents they still continued to kick her while she was down this makes me angry as they didn’t respect her wishes I live an miss her so much she was my best friend xx

  • Toni says:

    I just lost my daughter on Aug.12 2014. I am still in a daze .She had the H.E.R.S.breast cancer.it spread like wild fire . She was 38 and left behind a 4 year old son. He still wants to know when mommy is coming home. She was my only daughter. everyone around me says it will get better. In my heart it will never be the same. I watched my baby go through so much. the radiation left large burns on her back.After the last treatment it was like 3 days down the road. She started having a hard time breathing. took her back to hospital where she died. The thing that hurts the most is everyone wants to know her last minutes of life. Why????? I am sorry for your loss. You and I know what we are going through. I have not been able to get any sleep. Thank for letting me post this
    My daughter ‘s name was Sheryl Reader My name is toni

  • Liz Kellogg says:

    I lost my only daughter to cervical cancer, April, of last year. She left behind a husband, and, two very young children. It’s hard on me. She meant everything to me. She was what my life was about: friendship, babysitting, going places, and, doing stuff. I feel like, I have no meaning in life.
    She was nothing but goodness, and, kindness. I’m thankful to have had her, for her short life. She was twenty-nine. The pain of the sadness, is hard to live with at times. I’m hoping that time will heal me, from this sorrow.
    This has made me more sensitive, to what others have to go thru.
    I also lost my significant other, and, my mom had a stroke, last year. So sad, so very sad…

  • Liz Kellogg says:

    I lost my twenty-nine year old daughter, due to cervical cancer. She was pregnant when she was diagnosed, with stage 1b. There was a delay in treatment, and, she died. Everyday I feel the loss. The other day, I was told, I need to move past this. Move past this, how can anybody say that to someone. I can never move past what happened. I was lost for words.

    • Susana says:

      How have you been doing since your loss? Have you found some relief? How is life treating you now? I need to chat with other mothers, maybe grieve together, talk about our daughters, I don’t know, I am working but my heart literally hurts.
      I hope you are somehow overcoming this horrible loss.

  • Gale McIntyre says:

    Hi my name is Gale I lost my only child my daughter Ashley at age 25 after she gave birth to her son Oliver.She gave birth to Oliver March 3 2014 three weeks later she went in for surgery to have a softball size tumor removed from her chest area that was causing her pain.When they opened her up it was the size of a football and it attached itself to all her chest organs. It was a aggressive form of liposarcoma soft tissue cancer.She went through two treatments of chemo two surgeries and radation and a lot of trips to slone in Ny .She had 6 months good relationship with her son Oliver After that she was getting to sick and than she finely push him away and gave up to die.The tumors spread all over her body and then to her brain that’s when she let go and past away April 9 2015.I never get so much pain in all me life! It’s like my heart has been ripped apart!I know I have to be strong for my grandson Oliver but it hurts so much! Will it ever get easier to deal with!

    • Susana says:

      I am so sorry for your loss, it has been some time, how are you holding up?
      My loss is recent, even the happiest memories hurt now, I cry all the time, and I find no point or direction. Religious beliefs are not helping eventhough I am not angry at God.
      The light of my life is gone, she was my best friend, my confidant, my protector, she was a LIFE FORCE to reckon with. has anyone here taken legal malpractice lawsuits?

  • Walter says:

    Our daughter has been fighting cancer for 4 years now. She is 31 and our only child. She has a 7 year old daughter that looks just like her but she doesn’t visit much since our daughter is bed ridden and at the end of her battle. How do I prepare for the end and the future. I know our focus will be own our Granddaughter but the pain I see coming seems unbearable. I’m just trying to get over my mothers passing. Walter

    • Glenda says:

      Walter, I am so sorry to hear about your young daughter and having to go through the last stages of her cancer battle. I totally understand what you are going through, as I lost my 33 year old daughter March 21, 2017 after a nearly 3 yr battle with stage iv breast cancer. There is no way possible to prepare for the death of your child. I never knew the pain that a human being could suffer until my daughter died. I feel I no longer have purpose in life anymore. And yes, there are days when the pain feels unbearable, but if this is the price I have to pay because of the deep love I have for my daughter then so be it. A parent should never, ever have to bury their child so this is way beyond my understanding as to why this happened. It’s just so unfair. I will miss her, love her, hurt for her for the rest of my life. They say it gets better, but I don’t know about that. Just love on her all that you can and when or if that time comes when she have to leave you, know that she will still always be with you. That is the only thing that comforts me is to know that my daughter is still with me and I truly believe she is my guardian angel. I can no longer physically see or feel her, but I know she is still there and I do believe I will see her again. My heart goes out to you Walter because I know what you are going through

  • David Holbery says:

    My eldest daughter was diagnosed with cancer the week she turned 5. She fought an immense battle but succumbed to the disease in January this year. She ended with brain cancer due to the amount of radiotherapy she was given as a child. She was 33 1/2 years old. She ended up legally blind, hearing problems and no end of other complications from her treatment. I have no malice towards the medical professionals who kept her with us for so many years. That still doesn’t make it easy for me on my own. After 6 months I miss her unbelievably.

  • Hello i just lost my daughter to lung cancer she was 32 years old, there was negligence the cancer was showing on ct scan but they gave her acid reflux tablets and 10 months later after i toke her to A/E three times they seen she had a collapsed lung and got rushed to main hospital then second lung collapsed and blood clot, just because they left her 10 months then she died 6 weeks later. i cant cope with my life it feels its all killing me, im just having flash backs of her suffering i cant stop crying im totally broken. thankyou for reading blessings to you all, michaela x

  • Peter Upreti says:

    We recently lost our only daughter who had just turned 27. She was fighting advanced stage ovarian cancer. Thousands of people around the world were pasting and praying for her miraculous healing but God didn’t hear our prayers and she went home. My wife and I still haven’t been able to come out of this shock mode completely and many times we think we are dreaming a bad dream but it hits hard when we realize it is not. We would also love to hear from other Christian people in similar situations.

  • Mark says:

    Our daughter has just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the oesophagus, she is fighting. I don’t know how I’m going to handle this fight she is going through. We try as parents so hard to be positive but she see’s the cracks in our smiles.

    I really can’t imagine life without my daughter. We feel so lost.

  • David says:

    We lost our close to 24 years old son to a rare gastric cancer recently. Still crying most of the days, even shouting into a pillow like crazy sometimes… The pain cannot be described. Our fight for his survival during the last years was so hard, intense, filled with hope and shattered in pain, and filled with hope again, and shattered in pain again. He was such a good and kind person, full of creativity, loved by so many wonderful people, a few hundreds of them taking part in his funeral.
    Many of you are mentioning medical mistreatments, even lies, and so on. We know this too well. And it just pushes us with our unbearable situations to the brink. In our son’s case we had some wonderful doctors, real experts and exceptional personalities who were doing magic. We are so grateful to these people, so grateful.
    But quite a few doctors have done the best they could to end our son’s story the way it ended. Insufficient alertness and focus that led to months of delayed diagnosis, serious injuries caused during diagnostic procedures that required unnecessary surgeries, heartless communication of tough facts, lightly-taken supervision of questionable approaches of younger colleagues, to-be MDs… And the hardest thing is – a very few of us are so naïve to think that courts may bring us at least some justice by taking such doctors there. Who has energy for years or decades of fighting after such traumas? But those who still have it, how many can afford to cover enormous litigation costs?
    Some of us block thinking about such issues and search relief in spirituality,…, but some of us cannot, even if we believe in God. Because it is not just about our children lives and our enormous suffering; it is also about saving other lives and preventing suffering that we have to go through.
    No one here wants others to suffer the way we do, no one. Because we, fellow sufferers, we know too well what it means to live with an unimaginable loss, an event that turns one’s life into a deep and dark emptiness. Emptiness where our broken minds and wrecked hearts desperately fight for some rays of light. And for many of us this may remain so for the rest of our lives.

    Does this really have to be the way it is? And nothing can be done about it? No, no, and no again. So I pray for some person to come, some person that will be saying “I Have a Dream”…

  • My daughter lisa died of breat cancer the 11th May 39 I’m so heart broken I feel life is not worth living I’m not coping all I do is cry I cant see anything getting better I love her so much she was my life

  • Lisa says:

    My daughter too died of cervical cancer May 30, 2018. Hers was also aggressive. She first found out she had it after an abnormal pap smear February 2014. She had the Leep procedure, Conization and a hysterectomy. They thought they had it all. July of last year (2017) we ran a 5k. Her neck was bothering her. I told her to get checked, maybe she had mono or strep. It was a jugular blood clot. Through blood tests, things weren’t right. They did a PET scan and it was in her lymph nodes from her neck to her pelvis. She couldn’t have radiation or surgery. Chemo was her shot. She had chemo from Sept. – Jan. Things looked good. In March she started getting the cough back and at the end of April they did another PET scan. April 30th it was back and further progressed in both lungs and more lymph nodes. She had two rounds of chemo and she died May 30th. It was in her liver, gallbladder and pancreas. It was so aggressive and painful. I miss her so much.

  • I’m so in a state I’ve lost my lovly daughter to breast cancer age 39i don’t know how I’m going to get through it I keep crying all the time I can’t live without her can some one help please I’m so lost

  • Mackinzie's aka Kinzie, heart broken Mom says:

    I am sorry for all of you that have lost your precious children. This pain is not something that words can adequately describe.
    My beautiful, loving, first born daughter, Mackinzie ,of 27, wife of 7 yrs and mother for 5 yrs, left us in Feb 10, 2017.
    She was diagnosed with Acute Myloid Leukemia. When Kinzie went to the ER she thought she had pulled muscles across her ribs and possibly bronchitis. Within an hour the Drs were telling her She had Acute Myloid Leukemia and was in blast crisis. This began her 1 year and 4 month battle. When She called and gave me this news it felt as if I had been hit by a Mac truck. . As all of you know this was the start of chemo and many other treatments. It was a very hard journey for her with many stays in the icu.
    She was a true warrior and did go into remission but she developed gvhd from her stem cell transplant. It started with thrush in her mouth and throat and then bleeding in her g.i. tract. The bleeding became very severe and although they stopped most of it her little body became even weaker. She was then diagnosed with an infection in her brain. They thought they had it under control but it came back much stronger and more agressive. When the infection came back she was preparing to go home after another month long stay. This of course changed that and that night I couldn’t get her to answer her phone. She was in St Louis and I was 6 hours away in AR. I called the nurses station, we all had spent a lot of time together by this time, and her nurse that night said Kinz was having trouble breathing. At this news I left for St.Louis. When I arrived She had just been moved to icu. My heart broke at this news but I still prayed and had hope. I will never forget hearing, oh mommy mommy, when I walked in her room. In less than an hour She was placed on a ventilator. I wanted so bad for her to recover. I wanted to take her place. I wanted more time. This could not be happening to my precious baby!!!! She continued to fight for 4 more days. The sight of her taking her last breath still haunts me and forever will. A part of me died with her that morning. My heart breaks each day when I wake and realize She is really gone.
    I am still so angry , heart broken and lost ! I begged for God to heal her to let me take her place. She never wavered in her faith through it all. My faith has been shattered though. I hate taking the depression meds and anxiety meds which do little to help. No pill can ever ease the pain of losing her. I know I should not blame God, I was raised a believer, but I can not even begin to fathom why He let this happen.
    I hope you are all able to find peace because the life I am living without Kinzie is a battle every day .

  • Lisa M. Shearard says:

    I lost my beloved daughter to stage 4 colon cancer and she had two small babies to care for my life will never be the same! I’m 56 soon to be 57 and I’m a mom again I just want my daughter back she was my baby girl I miss her so much I have 5 children she was my second child! This pain will never end I begged God please don’t take my baby! So many prayers were for her she believed God would heal her but he didn’t! My faith is torn she was the sweetest person in the world now it’s empty! Am I wrong for my faith to be torn? I just want to know why her?

  • I lost my eldest daughter to breast cancer in 2005 aged 36. She had just had a shower, came out and said, ‘I’ve found a lump Mum’, my world ended that day but we have to go on living. We were told her lymph glands were clear and it had not spread. With my other 2 daughters, we supported her through all the treatments. One day she sneezed and her back hurt, that was the start of the cancer’s travel through her precious body. After 3 years she went into hospital with cancer in her liver and brain. All I wanted was to step into that bed and carry the illness for her. She passed away after 6 weeks, but I would not have wanted her to live and suffer another moment.
    Every day is hard, I cry and tell her I love and miss her. Next month is her 50th birthday, I think of the day she was born and the avalanche of love I felt for this precious child. I don’t know how I am going to get through her birthday, I just want to be put to sleep for a few days.
    My two daughter have 5 young children and I feel I cannot inflict my grief on them. My two dogs are so knowing and such comfort. Eleanor would say ‘Mother, stop being such a drama queen’. She was always so incredibly brave, just once she said , ‘I’m frightened’. She had a great Faith and said, ‘Who knows what God has in store for me?’

  • Wendy Webberly says:

    I lost my husband to cancer he was 54. Four years later I lost my little boy of 13 years old to cancer. And now 2019 my 39-year-old daughter is fighting for her life with a glioblastoma brain tumor. I don’t know how to live because I cannot heal and I don’t feel I belong in this world anymore because I can’t take it anymore. I love life, and I’ve tried so hard but Rachael got married three years ago and it on her honeymoon was a terrible pain and they found out it was a glioblastoma in his spinal cord for three years she has been fighting I know it’s all in her brain. They want to put her on hospice. So severely depressed that I don’t feel like I can keep going. I am scared every day. I am afraid for the rest of my children because it seems like this is from agent orange.