Messages from My Deceased Son

At the age of thirty-five, my son chose to end his life here on earth. Here was the first of my messages from my deceased son:

“I, Jonathan Hershey Beck, decided the time has come for me to die. I am doing this because there is nothing left for me . . . I do not want a new job. I do not want to move to a new city. I do not want new friends. I am ready to move on beyond this human form to whatever exists after . . . I am not killing myself because I am depressed, sad, or lonely, or anything else along those lines. I am doing so because I feel it is time to move on. I have been debating this for some time now . . .”

My wonderful, loving friend Robin was out of town, but I was on the phone with her constantly in the days that followed. She told me she wanted to feel sad but couldn’t because Jonny was right there with her. She gave me many messages from him, which were very consoling.

Son Expressed Concern for Us

One of the first things his spirit said to her was, the human didn’t know how to deal with the feelings. He also said he was concerned with how all of us were doing, that he was okay, and—in typical Jonny fashion—he expressed his concern was for us. He assured Robin that he had beings with him, surrounding him, and all was well.

I believe that Jonathan’s spirit had chosen a life that was much more challenging than he could handle. It wasn’t anyone’s fault—he just needed to reorganize and start again. Along those lines . . . The day after we learned of Jon’s suicide, my daughter told me that her four-year-old daughter, Talia, asked her why she was crying, and Ali told her that it was because she missed her brother. Talia explained to her mom, “First he will be an angel, then he will be a baby again, and then grow up.” Out of the mouths of babes.

The Messages From My Son Kept Coming

There were many other messages from my deceased son. . . .

Jon said he was glad no one found his body right away because it gave him some time to get acclimated.

Whew! This relieved the huge guilt I had been feeling because it took five days to discover he had died.

I heard that Lola got married a few days before Jon had chosen to end his own life. Brokenhearted I’m sure, Jon shot himself straight in the heart.

He said he was so sorry for what he had done. He realized right away it was a stupid act, and he asked for our forgiveness and to not be angry with him.

His Messages Said He Was Fine

Again and again, he said that he’s fine, he’s great, and he’s in a wonderful place. Yay! We were all so happy to hear this.

He repeated that it was dumb to kill himself and no one should ever do it. His actual words were, “I crossed myself over in a stupid way….”

At the memorial service, I gave the eulogy and ended with the following words:

“I understand Jonathan. I am no longer angry. A part of me is at peace with the decision he made. I do feel horrendous sadness, as if a piece of my heart was ripped out and is now missing.”

He Transformed Others’ Lives

Although he didn’t feel like he had much impact in his lifetime, Jon’s death has already transformed others. It is allowing some folks to radically take stock of their lives and make different choices.

I love you Jonathan and, although it fills me sadness, I support the decision you made….

Six months after the suicide, I noticed something new had appeared in the pond—a pair of mallard ducks. Each day I looked forward to watching them and said to myself, “This is the first time I feel happy.”

I believe Jon sent them because he knew how much they’d delight me. And right after the ducks appeared, a young peregrine falcon showed up on the fence encircling the pond. The falcon (and what seem to be his mate and offspring) still shows up often, especially during family celebrations. Thank you, Jonny!


Meryl Hershey Beck, MA, MEd
Tucson, AZ
Loss, Survive, Thrive: Bereaved Parents Share Their Stories of Healing and Hope
Stop Eating Your Heart Out: The 21-Day Program to Free Yourself from Emotional Eating
Creator of SourceTapping®

The above was excerpted from Loss, Survive, Thrive: Bereaved Parents Share Their Stories of Healing and Hope eBook

To read another excerpt from the book, see

Meryl Beck

Meryl Hershey Beck, MA, M.Ed., spent her early professional life as a high school and community college teacher. In 1990 she became a licensed counselor specializing in 12-Step Recovery and eating disorders and soon designed and implemented a successful outpatient Food Abuse Treatment week. After she discovered energy techniques, Meryl began writing about and teaching energy modalities to mental health practitioners nationwide beginning in 1998. An authority in this field, she has presented at workshops and conferences internationally. Her first book, STOP EATING YOUR HEART OUT: The 21-Day Program to Free Yourself from Emotional Eating, tells her story and presents many tools to skyrocket personal growth and alleviate emotional eating. As a professional counselor, Meryl spent decades helping others integrate loss. But it wasn’t until her 35-year-old son ended his life in 2011 that she fully understood deep grief. Meryl is the creator and developer of SourceTapping®, a meridian therapy technique that is like needle-less acupuncture, which helps to ease both physical and emotional pain. She uses this tool for herself, with bereaved clients, and now includes it in all her workshops. Although Meryl endured the hell of excruciating grief, she chose to face it rather than stuff it. And, she also made a conscious decision to recover and to honor her son’s memory by living as full and rich a life as possible. She has been called a way-shower, or role model, demonstrating that a joyful life after significant loss is possible. Meryl collected stories from 26 other bereaved parents who are not just surviving but thriving, to give others hope that their lives don’t have to end because of the tragedy they suffered. These stories (plus resources for the bereaved0 became the book LOSS, SURVIVE, THRIVE: Bereaved Parents Share Their Stories of Healing and Hope. Her blogs and event information can be found at,, and

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