Open to Hope Articles
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Father Learns to ‘Walk On’ after Daughter’s Drowning
August 10, 2011
Margaret Olivia Murphy arrived in the world in the typical manner on December 30, 2004, and she drowned on a float trip on May 24, 2009. Although dreadfully limited in quantity, Margot’s 1,972 days on earth had a special velocity to them as she made an enduring impression on countless people and places. Her curled fire-red hair, beautiful blue eyes, contagious smile, unbridled joyfulness, outsized confidence and natural strut turned heads wherever she went. Margot’s loving nature was a gift beyond description to those blessed to know her well. There was something electric about Margot – like you could see […]
Why Ask Questions About Your Grief Journey?
August 9, 2011
I recently had the honor of being the opening keynote speaker for this year’s national gathering of the Bereaved Parents of the USA. I spoke about the evolution of my grief and observations and lessons learned during the past eight-plus years that have helped me adjust to the reality of life without the physical presence of my daughter Jeannine. One of the things that I addressed was my need to ask “what if,” “could have,” “should have,” and “why” questions throughout my early grief, which was for me about two and one-half years. I say “for me” because everyone’s grief journey […]
‘Splendor to Offset the Gloom’ – Even After Childloss
August 8, 2011
I miss my son, beyond imagining. Compounded by the memories that continue to amass. Additionally, the past has become a Menagerie. Expounded by moments that have already passed. As Time moves on, slow and emphatically. I can not bare to consider how long I might last. Because the loneliness is so immense, it is staggering. And the emptiness is exceedingly vast. It has been almost two years now since my son Brandon passed away. That in itself is confounding. In some ways, it seems like mere moments. In others, it has been an eternity. Grief is so overwhelming that it distorts my […]
The last day i spent with my son
August 7, 2011
The last day I spent with Izak was Monday, the 1st of August. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day. When I came home at 4 o’clock, I woke Izak up and put him in his little stroller. He always loved to be pushed around in his stroller. We went downstairs and slowly made our way to the little park that is behind our house. When we got there I took him out and held him in my arms. We sat together in the warm sun, watching the children playing, feeling the soft breeze on our faces. After a while […]
Chasing Fireflies
August 3, 2011
Chasing Fireflies….Nick, our 7 year old, was missing Zack last night. He asked if he could “skype” with him in heaven – feeling the need to talk with his big brother. My heart aches more for Nick’s grief than my own. But his moments of grief pass as quickly as they arrive and soon he was ready to go outside to chase lighting bugs (fireflies). Out we went, to the very place I chased them as a child. He was so excited as he chased the tiny specks of living light through the field. The damp night grass cushioned our […]
Forgiving Killers is a Process
July 29, 2011
They were just faces to me. I wouldn’t make eye contact. Instead I focused on their clothes . . . grey-white sweatshirts, denim shirts, jeans, white sneakers. They didn’t look like inmates, more like janitors to me. I was invited to the medium-security facility in a program of restorative justice sponsored by the University of Minnesota. I was one of two victims ―or are we survivors― of homicide who were invited to meet with four perpetrators serving long sentences for homicides. It was not a match―I was not facing “our” perpetrator. I would not have been willing to meet the […]
Years After Child-Loss, Mother Still Grieves, but ‘Moves Forward’
July 25, 2011
Time. It is not always on our side, especially in the grieving process. Since losing my son eight years ago, I’ve heard many well-meaning folks tell me how much “time” I should be taking to heal. One month? Absurd. One year? A common marker, but certainly not common for everyone. We are told, “It’s time to move on. Time to get over this. Time to get back to life.” How much time is enough time to “get over” death? And can we ever “get over” something as life-altering as the death of our child? If you’re reading this, chances are […]
New Life Begins with ‘One Good Moment’
July 22, 2011
Had this happened a few years ago, it would have been a devastating moment. I look back on the years since I lost my 17-year old son, Michael, and I see so many important moments. All of them are a part of an incredible journey — a journey that led me to a special and incredible experience this weekend. I was at the wedding of my good friends, John and Kim, at a beautiful Catholic church in the Hamptons. Going to services of any denomination can sometimes make me emotional. On my way there, I passed Michael’s cross on Sunrise Highway. So, I started […]
