Open to Hope Articles
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How Were the Holidays for You?
January 7, 2011
Christmas is over; thank God for small miracles. When one has suffered the physical loss of someone in their lives, the holidays, especially Christmas, can be extremely difficult and challenging. When that loss in your life is a child, it can change how one experiences and processes the holidays forever. As many bereaved know, our grief journey soon becomes a subversive, evocative “it,” an acceptable pronoun to minimize the reality of a condition that no fortunate other can comprehend nor want to imagine; the loss of a child in their family. So the world and we tend to hush it […]
Carrying Old Memories into a New Year
January 5, 2011
Christmas has ended, and the living room still has that unwrapped look. With the festivities now part of future memories, I anticipate the next hurdle: the start of a new year. The TV commercials romanticize champagne toasts illuminated by glowing candles. People make resolutions, hopeful that this brand-new unblemished year will be the one that fuels their successes. For the parent who has lost a child to death, a new year can be daunting. The first New Year’s Day after my son Daniel’s death was scary. I wanted to hold onto 1997. Although it was the year he’d lost his battle […]
‘Brant, I Don’t Want You to Go’
December 29, 2010
I spent more than half that night at our son’s side. Only when exhaustion took over did I give in to sleep. I finally relented and slept on the couch in the family’s room for a short time. Early the next morning, I went back into Brant’s room, resuming my place in the rocking chair one of the hospital staff had brought in for me. I had a very calm feeling come over me as I picked up his tiny hand. I leaned my head toward the bed and put the palm of his hand flat upon my right cheek. […]
Michael’s Gift to Me: Feeling the Zing
December 28, 2010
I purchased my third Christmas tree since I lost my son Michael in 1998. I’ve got to admit, this year I felt a little blue and a bit uncaring about the celebrations. I spent some time acknowledging that I do miss my son. I also miss my mom, dad, brother-in-law and others who are no longer here. And while it would seem that this would be the obvious cause of my blues, I found that it was only a small piece of a larger puzzle. Since I was still lacking that special ho-ho-ho, I began to check into other factors […]
Spirit of Errol Heals the Living
December 27, 2010
In a certain sense, we all start dying as soon as we are born, but with my son Errol’s birth, death approaches immediately. On the fifth day of his tenuous life, Errol undergoes open-heart surgery, and six excruciating weeks later, we bring our fragile baby home to begin a very different life than we had anticipated. Errol is born with a significant heart defect and cognitive disability that prevent him from walking or talking and demand our constant vigilance. As we grieve the child we had anticipated, Errol’s full-bodied smile and irrepressible laugh turn our sorrow into joy, and teach […]
When the Moon is Dark We Can See the Stars: An Awakening of the Spirit Within
December 27, 2010
Pamela Prime’s co-authored book, When the Moon is Dark We Can See the Stars: An Awakening of the Spirit Within, is available at Amazon.com.
Remembering a Child, Celebrating a Holiday
December 24, 2010
The holiday season is calling to us again, the grieving parents of children that we love and lost. We have a different kind of celebration, but it is our own, and for our own reasons, we put up our holiday decorations or decide that maybe next year we can face the world that is so different from our own. Our world is full of memories of times past and celebrations that were full of our children’s laughter and hopes and dreams. How can we celebrate this Christmas with our families and make new memories without disrupting our precious memories? What can […]
Loss of Child Makes Mom Appreciate Life Even More
December 19, 2010
There was a study in Denmark that said people who lost children were 18% more likely to get cancer. They think it is the stress of loss. I was one of those people. Friends were shocked to hear I had breast cancer. “That poor woman, first she loses a son and now she has breast cancer.” The fact that I wasn’t upset baffled them. Once you lose a child, nothing upsets you and nothing is too monumental to overcome. This is what’s true for me…every experience in life occurs, as it should. There are no mistakes or accidents. Losing a […]
Bright Spots in the Midst of Pain
December 17, 2010
I was numb as I sat in the chair between my husband and my father. I could hear the funeral director talking. I could see his lips moving, but nothing was registering in my mind. Even breathing was difficult. In the past twenty-four hours, life as we knew it had ceased to exist. Our oldest daughter, twenty-year-old Elizabeth, had died of smoke inhalation from a fire in her duplex just a few blocks from the University of Minnesota, where she had just begun her sophomore year. Two of her roommates also died with her. How can this be? Liz is […]
