Open to Hope Articles
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Coming Back from the ‘Afterlife’
August 12, 2024
PAST THE VEIL In an earlier Open to Hope essay, I wrote about the gripping After-Death experience of a friend I call Chief. The anesthesiologist had a heart attack 60 feet underwater while scuba diving in 2007 and, by all measures, was clinically dead. (That’s why he insisted on calling it an After-Death experience.) Chief wanted to write a book about this but crossed over to stay in 2021 before he could finish. He did get as far as drafting a manuscript, which he shared with me because I also wrote a book about the Afterlife (My Dead True Love). […]
The Gift of Becoming a Grandmother
August 12, 2024
The Gift of Becoming a Grandmother In June, my youngest grandchild, Madelyn, named for my beloved sister Margie, turned one. Our family gathered to celebrated Madelyn’s first birthday. I am grateful to be “Nini” to three grandchildren–Benji, named for my father will be five in July, and Jake is eighteen months, and Madelyn, one. As I sat in the enclosed playpen area with Madelyn, Benji and Jake beaming watching the new innocent lives, broad smiles, the unconditional love. The seesaw of emotions from the devastating heartbreak of losing two sisters, my anchors, my foundation, the darkness, and now the lightness, […]
After Husband’s Death, my Year of ‘Solitary Firsts’
July 31, 2024
My Year of ‘Solitary Firsts’ As I write this article, 2-1/2 years after my husband Marty’s death, I am overwhelmed with surprise that so much time has passed. Memories of that first year are wrapped in a surreal haze and when vivid images do surface, the fog lifts and reveals my year of solitary firsts. February 11, 2009, marked the death of my husband, my mate of 42 years. A quote on the back of the Joyce Carol Oates book, A Widow’s Story, says “of the widow’s countless death-duties there is really just one that matters: on the first anniversary […]
No ‘Shoulds’ in Grieving a Spouse’s Death
July 31, 2024
No ‘Shoulds’ in Grieving a Spouse’s Death On my commute to work this morning (by which I mean my walk down to my basement office), I started wondering about something that seems to be a common theme with all of us widows: The ability to overcome what other people think of us. When our spouses die, the surrounding public seems to think it’s their right–no, their duty… to tell us how things should be done. They watch as we bumble our way into a somewhat normal existence after our lives have been completely turned upside down. The people we know […]
The First Anniversary after a Husband Dies
July 30, 2024
The First Anniversary after a Husband Dies Just like nothing prepares you for the death of a loved one, there is no preparation for the first anniversary of a death. The anticipation of the date can make you just as emotional as the death itself. For all the positive steps forward you have taken over the year, the anniversary can set you back again. Just know that it is a temporary setback, and the strength you have gained over the year will hold you together. Around the anniversary, the workplace can either be a blessing or a curse. It will […]
What to Do When the Casseroles Stop Coming: First Anniversary of the Death
July 30, 2024
First Anniversary of the Death About three weeks after a funeral, most people stop checking on you. The offerings become a smattering of well wishes and hopes you’re doing “better”. However, you might not be “better”. The anniversary of a loved one’s passing, particularly the first, sometimes is the toughest. Many books say that one year is “long enough” to grieve. One year may be enough for some, but for others, especially people with small or dysfunctional families, it may not be. If your loved one died of a violent act, the grief may last a lifetime. And no matter the […]
Loving a New Pet after the Last Pet Has Died
July 29, 2024
Loving a Pet From as early on as I can remember, I have always connected with animals. My first pet was an orphaned lamb, Mary. I was obsessed with horses and fascinated with butterflies, frogs and caterpillars – any creatures that found their way into my world. Loving animals inevitably means at some point you have to say goodbye. Now, when I see people and the beautiful bond they have with their pets, my first thought is of the grief that lies ahead. The Healing Process Ever since my beautiful dogs Max and Blaze passed on, I have not been […]
The Difference Between Functioning and Grieving
July 22, 2024
Grieving over Libby A few months after Libby died, I sat for an interview with a local newspaper to talk about her death, her impact on the people she knew, and the charity her father and I created in her honor. If you’ll allow a mom to gush about her kid for a moment, Libby was no ordinary ten-year-old. Not only was she beautiful, with a smile that radiated her joyful personality, but she was intelligent, talented, and most of all, kind. She was the once-in-a-lifetime student that teachers raved about, who befriended the other children sitting alone at lunch […]
Tell Your Grief Story
July 22, 2024
Tell Your Grief Story Telling your grief story is an insanely powerful way to process your emotions. At first, friends and family want to hear the story, and we tell it in a haze, barely registering what we’re saying. Then, we might find ourselves telling the same story for the tenth time. But somehow something clicks and sinks in, and we break down into a sobbing hysterical mess. Eventually, you will most likely feel like you’re being a pain in the ass telling the same people the same story over and over again. At that point, grief groups can be […]
