Open to Hope Articles
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Evolving My Perspective on Grief
December 11, 2023
Making Sense of Grief At first, I thought grief was an amorphous vapor that made your breathing labored and that obscured your view…temporarily. But I was wrong. Losing My Grandmother In 2016, I lost by grandma, Theresa Potts, the foundation of my human constitution. As a co-parent with my mother, she reared, disciplined, corrected, directed, encouraged and guided me. But more than anything, she loved me with a depth and breadth that I have not known before or since. And on June 3, 2016, my mother’s birthday, life on this side slipped quietly from my grandma’s hands, drained from her […]
The Many Forms of Grief
December 11, 2023
Contextualizing Grief In my experiences, grief has been most commonly recognized with a major event: the loss of another human being. There seemed to be a framework for understanding the sorrow and longing that a person feels who lost their mother or husband or child or friend, and in some instances a pet. Though not for long enough, there seemed to be recognition that this could affect one’s mood, health and therefore their presence at work or participation in social activities. Expanding the Definition of Grief However, there seemed to be no real framework for understanding other, more common forms […]
Compassion is the Most Precious Gift
December 11, 2023
Compassion is the Most Precious Gift The holiday season is upon us and with that comes a blur of sights, smells, memories and hopes. Some are pleasant and even joy filled. Others are tender, painful, and heartbreaking. The dissonance that so many of us feel as we navigate “the most wonderful time of the year” can be very disconcerting. Loneliness, resentment, and jealousy can dig in as the disparity between the haves and have-nots becomes clearer. People living with grief know about this. I’ve heard many refrains like, “I just want to get through the holidays so I don’t have […]
Avoiding Burnout and Compassion Fatigue
December 7, 2023
Burnout and Compassion Fatigue My husband John’s illness progressed, and self-care became harder. I felt like I was playing a bad game of catch-up. No matter how hard I tried, I never caught up with caregiving tasks, and there were always unchecked items on my to-do list. I wondered if I’d make it through the day. When I was alone and honest with myself, I worried about burnout. Burnout can take years to develop. The caregiver’s feelings progress from enthusiasm (when they are first hired), to stagnation (too much work, too little time), to frustration (not being able to do […]
In Search of Healthy Grieving
December 6, 2023
In Search of Healthy Grieving I wanted to experience “healthy grieving.” These words often appear in grief articles and books. Did healthy grieving mean sobbing like crazy, being confused, or having grief brain? None of those sounded healthy to me. I went in search of healthy grieving. As I walked forward on the healing path, I understood the meaning of these words. Healthy grieving required thinking of my deceased loved ones differently and finding new places for them in my life. Some grief experts said I had to develop a new relationship with the deceased. This idea puzzled me. I […]
The Comfort of Linking Objects
December 5, 2023
The Comfort of Linking Objects Giving away linking objects is part of my story. Linking objects are things that belong to the deceased person, such as a watch, a bread knife, woodworking tools, and more. As soon as he died, I slipped John’s wedding ring on my finger. Wearing the ring made me feel like John was still with me. I touched the ring and remembered the years we shared. Wearing John’s ring comforts me every day. Linking objects could comfort other family members. I gave John’s black leather medical bag with gold letters on the side that read, “C. […]
Are You Making Progress in Your Grief?
November 21, 2023
So how do you know if you’re making progress on this messy journey called grief? I remember going through seasons where a trigger would wipe me out or tears would come from out of nowhere. I’d wonder if it was always going to be this way. I’m happy to tell you, thankfully, it won’t always be this way. Are you making progress in your grief? Here are a few glimmers of healing you might be noticing now: Sadness and sorrow are not the first thoughts on your mind in the morning. Rather than sprinting away from a friend who’s experiencing […]
Holding On, Letting Go After Husband’s Death
November 20, 2023
What I Let Go Of After my husband died, I had to decide what to let go of and what to hold onto. I let go of John’s companionship. John and I enjoyed each other, were honest with each other, and most importantly, listened to each other. After conversing with him for years about a wide range of topics—everything from saving whales, to changes in political parties, to child Advance Review Copy Uncorrected Proof 144 Winning development—I didn’t have anyone to talk to. The apartment was silent. I remembered past conversations and yearned to have new conversations with him. I let […]
Funeral Provides Children with Full Picture of Dad
November 20, 2023
Funeral Provides Children with Full Picture of Dad During the day of my father Leo’s funeral, his sons were treated to much praise and tributes from members of the Factory Inspectors Union, many of whom attended Leo’s burial with sincere, deep respect. Leo’s oldest son, Phil, who had left Leo’s hospital bedside, returned for the funeral. At the grave site, Jake Peters, a union officer, philosophized to Leo’s three sons, “If you die and don’t accomplish anything, don’t leave a mark, you die for sure. But if you’ve impacted something, changing something, fought and stood up for something, you live […]
