Open to Hope Articles
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Persistent Dreams in Grief
March 10, 2010
Question from a reader: It’s now been six months since my mother died. In many ways it seems like worlds and eons since then, but in some ways not at all. I really miss her and talking to her every few days, as was our old routine. The problem I’m having is that I dream about her almost every night. It’s never the same scenario, except that she’s always sick, like she was toward the end. Sometimes I wake up crying. This has been going on for pretty much the entire time since she died. Is this normal??? I think […]
Poem: Beginning and End
March 7, 2010
You were there I took my first breath. Knowing there would be many left. You were there I looked into my mother’s eyes. It was your plan never to be denied. You were there I took my first steps. You love me even through my missteps. You were there I cried my first tears. You exchanged them for joy many years. You were there Giving me the gifts of life. The joy of being a mother and a loved wife. You were there I told my father it was okay to let go. Breaking my heart, it was a devastating […]
Skating for Her Mother
February 25, 2010
When most of us suffer a loss as great as that of a mother, we are left to grieve without the eyes of the world on us. We do not have to temper our emotions because we are in the privacy of our own homes, surrounded by the comfort and warmth of our family and friends. This week as I watched the Olympic ice skating competition, I wondered how Canadian ice skater Joannie Rochette was going to be able to compete with the world watching. Only a few days earlier, her mom died suddenly from a massive heart attack, just […]
Hope in Healing After a Mother’s Suicide
February 24, 2010
It was only in the sanctuary of Dr. Walter’s office that I began to feel safe enough to talk about my mother’s suicide. His voice was calming. It was a relief to talk openly with someone who would listen to my dread. As a troubled teenager, I was stealing things and acting out, and finally I ran away from home to, of all places, my all-girls school, where my principal found me in the morning. That was the last straw in my father’s mind, and he and my stepmother placed a call to Dr. Walter. By listening more than anyone […]
Poem: A Prayer of Hope
February 21, 2010
Today, I will take baby steps And, hold my head high With a prayer of hope for a smile. Today, I will give myself a hug And, accept that I am a human With a prayer of hope for forgiveness. Today, I will let go of yesterday And, accept that I did my best With a prayer of hope for joy. Today, I will lift my head up And, trust in my heavenly Lord With a prayer of hope for renewal. Today, is the first day of the rest of my life. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, 36 Days Apart Copyright© […]
Support Groups Can Help Those Bereaved by Suicide
February 21, 2010
But I didn’t say goodbye! That’s all I could think about when I learned that my dad killed himself. Friends said that he “was no longer in pain,” and that he loved me. But I didn’t say goodbye and those words weighed heavy on my grieving heart. Approximately 4.5 million Americans became bereaved by suicide in the last 25 years with 199,800 bereaved added in 2006 (AAS, 2009). Sadly, I became a part of that statistic in 1986 when my father killed himself while I was in the hospital awaiting the birth of my triplets. I personally found that attending […]
Poem: It Hurts
February 20, 2010
Has it hurt me physically? Yes, it has. If I could do it all over again, would I? Yes, I would. Would I have let someone else do it? No, I couldn’t. Did I comfort you in your time of need? Yes, I did. Could I have done it better? Yes, I could have. Has it hurt me mentally? Yes, it has. Deborah Ann Tornillo Author, 36 Days Apart Copyright© 2010 http://www.deborahtornillo.com
My Parents’ House
February 19, 2010
Today, I drove past my parents’ old house. I was in my hometown visiting my best friend from high school and she needed to make a quick stop at her sister’s house. Her sister happens to live right around the corner from my family’s old home. As we drove toward her sister’s, my friend ever so casually mentioned that we would be driving down my parents’ old street. I didn’t have a lot of time to react. It has been quite a few years since I have been by the old place, and I figured that I would be fine […]
Have I Failed?
February 18, 2010
My mother and father passed away in 2008. They had Alzheimer’s and they died 36 days apart of each other. At the time of their diagnosis, their neurologist told me that my father had years left in his life and that my mother would only make it another year and a half. My father died first. My father was at Stage 4 of the disease. He had moderate cognitive decline. When he died, a piece of my heart and my soul died with him. Several months prior to my father’s passing, my mother reached Stage 7 of the disease – […]