Open to Hope Articles
Do you want to read stories of others who have been where you are? Are you looking for bereavement help, and advice? Look no further. We offer over 3,000 articles written by our Open to Hope authors.
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Memorial Day: When You Lose a Sibling in War
May 30, 2009
A sibling relationship should be a lifelong friendship, but for those losing a brother or sister who served in the military, the pain and sorrow can be overwhelming. Adult siblings left behind must contend with their own grief and shock, adjust to an altered family structure and assume new responsibilities. To help brothers and sisters cope, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS held its first weekend retreat for siblings in 2008. The retreat was modeled after the organization’s regional seminars, which help surviving family members process their grief reactions, develop coping skills, and establish support networks. “Siblings often experience […]
Groomin’ and Cryin’: Man Mourns Brother While Watching TV
May 13, 2009
By Scott Mastley — My first- and second-grade daughters, Margo and Molly, were surprised to see their daddy blinking back tears while watching a dog grooming show on TV. They were successfully avoiding bedtime by snuggling with me on the couch, so I found a show that we could watch together, and even though I had no interest in the Groomer of the Year, it was age-appropriate for them. Then something happened that instantly and emotionally connected me to the outcome of the show. One of the two finalists mentioned that he had buried his brother six months earlier and […]
Gorgeous short movie about the loss of two siblings—check it out
May 8, 2009
So, a few months back, I gave a talk about sibling loss at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. As you might imagine, there tend to be quite a few bereft siblings in the audience at these things. And they all have stories. Amazing, sad, beautiful ones that both elate me—because they’re a celebration of the bond—and make me want to cry. This particular evening was no exception. After the talk, a woman named Chrissy Rubin came up to me and told me that she had lost two siblings—Greg, 22, on July 9, 1984, and Carolyn, 43, exactly twenty years later, […]
Carrying
May 8, 2009
Okay, I talk about “carrying” a lot, with regard to sibling loss. What do I mean by that? I mean the tendency we surviving siblings have to find a way to “carry” our lost siblings forward into our present-day lives. It’s a way of continuing the relationship with some one who is gone—in fact, grief-speak for this phenomenon is “continuing bonds.” How people do it varies, but why we do it is more straightforward. We try to carry our siblings forward because they are part of our identities, and our half of the relationship doesn’t end with their deaths. We […]
What is Disenfranchised Grief?
May 8, 2009
When I was 14, my brother and only sibling, Ted, died. One of my more memorable experiences from that time is of standing next to his grave, watching, devastated, as they lowered his casket into the ground. A woman separated herself from the crowd, leaned down, took me by the arm, and leaned in, close enough so that I could see the lipstick on her teeth and smell her perfume. “You’ll have to be very good now,” she said, somberly. “Your parents are going through a lot.” I wrote about that scene in my book–apologies to those of you who […]
What a Coincidence!
May 8, 2009
Yesterday I posted on a new study that looked at the impact of losing an infant sibling when you were very young, or even before you were born. I commented that, though understudied, the stories I’d heard from people suggested that this was a huge—huge!—life event. Then last night, my friend (and one of Open to Hope’s founders), psychologist Heidi Horsley, PsyD, who also lost a sibling, and who now specializes in grief, called my attention to a really spectacular essay by Michael S. Roth, president of Wesleyan University, in The Wall Street Journal. Roth was asked to write a […]
The Impact of Losing an Infant Sibling
May 8, 2009
When I was working on my book, I interviewed a couple of people who either lost siblings very early in that sibling’s life, i.e. in infancy (and were thus very young themselves) or who were born after the death of an infant sibling. I didn’t have enough people to make a huge case, but it was very clear to me that these were very significant losses. Sadly, however, because these people had been so young at the time, or were born after the death, few had ever acknowledged them as “real” mourners. Result: Disenfranchised grief. They were often confused about […]
Little People with Big Hurts
April 28, 2009
By Cathi Lammert, RN – Most children who have a sibling that dies due to a pregnancy loss, stillbirth or in the first few months of life will experience a grief reaction. However, often times, their grief is overlooked or discounted. Parents may be so overwhelmed by their own grief that they are unable to assist their children with their issues. Parents often ask me “Will my child be negatively affected by the death of their baby sibling?” I have to say the answer to this question is, “Usually not, if the child’s grief is acknowledged.” In this article, I […]
Sacred Moments With the Body After the Death
April 27, 2009
By Nancy Manahan, Ph.D., and Becky Bohan. M.A. — In their last Open to Hope posting, “Washing Diane’s Body: Caring at the Crossroad,” Nancy described the extraordinary ritual of washing Diane’s body. In this installment, Nancy’s spouse Becky recounts the four-hour home vigil, which gave family members and friends a chance to be with Diane’s body, to grieve, and to support each other in a sacred ritual. While Nancy and others were washing Diane’s body, I heated up the Indian curry and rice I had brought from home. I sat at the kitchen table, eating with Bill and Diane’s four […]
