Open to Hope Articles
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Despite Flaws, John Edwards Deserves the Title of ‘Widower’
December 11, 2010
One of the most destructive grief myths is “the deeper the love, the greater the grief.” John and Elizabeth Edwards had, no doubt, a complicated relationship. He’d had an affair, another child, and the couple were separated, but stories tell us he moved back home to be with Elizabeth and their three children recently, as her condition worsened. So I anticipate that despite this late, public transformation to devoted family leader, there will be lots of talk about John Edwards’ transition to widower and likely, lots of judgment of how he grieves based on how he “should” feel. Some widowed […]
Widow Copes with Holidays by Serving Herself, Others
December 5, 2010
Here it comes…and every year, earlier than ever…the dreaded arrival of the holiday television commercials. In my world, retailers hoping to extend the buying season are simply extending the length of time I have to try to ignore the sadness this time of year still stirs up ,even nine years later. I’d love to fast forward from October to January. This way, I would miss the passing of another wedding anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years without my late husband. Instead, I have had to find workarounds. My first Christmas without Gary, it was easy to opt out of celebrating. Everyone […]
Webinar: Handling the Holidays After the Death of a Spouse; Beverly McManus
December 1, 2010
In this webinar Dr Heidi Horsley and Beverly Mcmanus discuss the holidays after the death of a spouse. They talk about what to expect and tips on getting through this time of year.
Husband’s Death, Father’s Death
November 30, 2010
Five years ago, my kids’ dad died from pancreas cancer. At the time, I did not know what it was like to lose a parent. Both my parents were still living. They were still married to each other and seemed pretty content. All that changed a few months ago. My dad died. Around last Thanksgiving, he was diagnosed with lung cancer…with bone involvement, so it was pretty serious. He decided to take on treatment and fight this cancer. He definitely had ups and downs, and we could all tell he was slowing down. Slowing down…not stopping. He did his best […]
Widowhood Means Doing Holiday Tasks for Two
November 29, 2010
The mood has changed. Not just my mood (although that can change every second, thanks to fluctuating hormone levels and no husband to yell at when I’m cranky for no reason). It seems like everyone’s mood has changed. You know…we’re pretty funny. We can’t just give ourselves a time to adjust to the fact that the days are getting shorter and the weather is getting cooler. We can’t just sit back and relax and accept it for what it is. Nope. Because thanks to Target and Hobby Lobby breaking out the autumn decorations in June and Christmas stuff in July, […]
Young, Widowed with Only One Thanksgiving to Remember
November 24, 2010
Even if I am young and widowed and we didn’t have much time together, I should remember how we celebrated Thanksgiving. But I don’t. I wasn’t blessed with five or ten years of holiday traditions with my husband. We celebrated only one Thanksgiving and now I am cursing myself – I can’t remember what we did. It’s not like the memory is blurry, I have blurry, fuzzy memories of us together. No, this is different. I simply can’t recall. I can’t picture a turkey or who carved it. I can’t image where we where, if we went somewhere, and whether […]
The Holidays Come Early For Widows
November 23, 2010
I had a pretty good day recently. Which is shocking because I’ve starting in on my Christmas shopping. I think what made it okay was that first of all, I got to spend some time with my mom. The other thing though…the true miracle…is that I was doing it at all. For the past three Christmases (this will be my 4th without my husband), I think I have been in such denial that Christmas was going to actually happen that I left my shopping until the very last minute. This little practice made me feel so overwhelmed and exhausted by […]
The Shopping Cart: Disorientation Follows Loss of Husband
November 12, 2010
I spotted her from the parking lot as she dashed into Wal-Mart that afternoon. I hurried to the entrance hoping it was my friend. She stood alone in the main aisle, head slightly down. She hesitated, glanced left and then right, seeming uncertain as to which direction to go. Then, in a burst of decision, she pushed the shopping cart at mach speed, straight ahead. I recognized that push. I remembered that walk. I tasted that familiar curdle of anxiety in my throat again. I knew it had to be one of her first shopping trips since her husband died […]
Veterans Day Brings Special Memories
November 11, 2010
This year Veterans Day, Nov. 11, marks the third anniversary of my husband’s funeral. And as I got ready to hang the flag out front, I recalled the special sensitivity and kindness of my consultant at Shalom Memorial Park and Funeral Home, in Arlington Heights IL. On Nov. 9 that year, as our family was dealing with the details of death, he telephoned. “Did you say your husband was in the United States Marines?” he asked “Indeed he was,” I answered. “Well, since the funeral will be on an American national holiday, I believe the Corps will be happy to come to the cemetery to […]
