Grief creeps into our lives in so many ways. Loved ones die, friends or family move away, children grow up and leave home, jobs change, pets die, a treasured possession becomes damaged or lost. And these are just some of the things we must cope with as we live our daily lives.

One of the reasons such changes are so difficult is because they are links to the past, to what we know and are comfortable with. Being creatures who prefer comfort, we do not readily welcome change. The past – the “known” – has become our friend.

I have often wondered, if given the chance, would we choose to always live our life in the past and never in the present? It would be unfortunate if we did, for it is only in the present that our truest joys can be found. It is only in the moment that we most fully experience the peaks – and yes, the valleys – of life.

This being so, then why is it so difficult to be here – to be here now? Perhaps it is simply a matter of habit. Are we “programmed” to walk through life with our head on backwards, looking at where we have been? That is what grief is, you know – a backwards glance.

As I sit here working on my computer – my word processor – it occurs to me that perhaps we are experience processors, and indeed this we must be if we are ever to make sense out of or find the meaning and value in our experiences. The trick is not to get stuck there. Once we have made our evaluation, once we have made peace with the issue, we must then be willing to let go. We must be willing to move on.

There are many things that challenge us to do this, not the least of which is the loss of a loved one. Eventually we have to let go of life as we knew it. We must be willing to let the river take us where it will, whether we know our destination or not. While this is not necessarily an easy thing to do, it is possible.

Letting go. Letting go of how things were. Letting go of how we would like things to be. Letting go of the need to try to change what we cannot change. Letting go implies a willingness to give up the old and embrace the new. Yes, letting go is incremental to our healing. Until we let go, we cannot move forward.

As I have often said, you have to put both feet in the boat before it can take you where you need to go. Letting go means putting both feet in the boat. It means accepting the lesson inherent in your situation and then moving forward on the strength of what you have learned. It means knowing what you can control and what you can’t, and then being at peace with that knowledge.

But how are such victories won? Certainly not by clinging to the past. Not by hanging on to what cannot be changed. No, victories of the spirit require – indeed, demand – letting go of things as they were, and when you do, it makes all the difference.

When I was in the throes of grief, there came a time when I began to wonder if my clinging so tightly to my deceased husband was holding him back, wherever he was. I certainly didn’t want to do that, so I made the conscious decision to let him go. When I did, I was astonished to find that he wanted that very same thing for me! It was an amazing moment, filled with the joy of knowing that now we were both free to go on with our lives, him wherever he was, and me where I am. I could not imagine a deeper love than the love I felt when we gave each other that precious gift.

In looking back, I think we have to get to a certain point in our healing before we are strong enough to be able to let go like that, but when we do, its rewards are generous. Through it we find that place within ourselves where we can accept what has happened. Through that acceptance, we find the strength to begin to move forward with our life. Therein lies the beginning of the deep healing of our spirit. When that happens, we find a freedom and a joy beyond description. Yes, and a peace that surpasses by far all the sorrow we have ever known.

Donna Miesbach

I have been on a spiritual path all my life. I was first introduced to meditation when I was seventeen. I knew this was an important tool, but I wanted to go deeper than that particular method allowed, so my search began. I attended workshops and classes, read books and tried every form of meditation I could find, to no avail. Then in 1994, my life changed dramatically. My husband died very suddenly. Soon after that, I lost both parents, too. They say when the student is ready, the teacher appears. This student was certainly ready. About a year after my husband’s sudden death, I learned about Dr. Deepak Chopra and his teachings. It was like finding the light at the end of the tunnel. I took meditation training from Dr. Chopra and began attending his courses. They fed my deep roots and made such a difference in my life that I committed to being certified both in meditation and yoga so I could share these wonderful practices with others. I have studied with Deepak and also Roger Gabriel both here and in India. I also studied sound healing with Jonathan Goldman, and remote viewing with Dr. David Morehouse, having completed all five levels of his training. As my teaching became established, doors began opening that allowed me to teach meditation to at risk youth. Then another door opened and I found myself working with Playmakers Mentoring Foundation, a Sacramento-based outreach. Together with their Executive Director, we wrote a book and then opened a chapter here in Omaha. In addition to my work with Playmakers, I continue to teach meditation in the Omaha NE area, offering both private and group instruction. I also hold group meditations and programs five times a year, and speak to groups on various aspects of spirituality upon request.   It has been an amazing journey, one I never could have anticipated. I didn’t know it then, but I know now that it is possible to get to the other side of grief, and that is what my book, “From Grief to Joy, A Journey Back to Life & Living,” is all about.

More Articles Written by Donna