HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
The Afterlife Connection
Host: Dr. Gloria Horsley
With guest: Jane Greer
March 2, 2006
G: Hello, I?m Dr. Gloria Horsley. Welcome to Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and renewal for those who have suffered the loss of a child and a show of hope, understanding and insight to those who support the bereaved both professionally and personally. When the show first aired on June 1, I thought of it as a show for parents, grandparents, and siblings who had lost a child. I now realize that the show is a great benefit to friends as well as caregivers who work in this most difficult field. A bereaved parent who was on my show recently, emailed me that her sister had listened to my interview with her. She said that her sister was continuing to listen to the live shows as well as the archived shows. Her sister felt that the shows gave her a better understanding of what the family had gone through. It?s my sincere desire that you as my listeners will encourage others to listen to this show and its message of hope and renewal. I?m also pleased to say today that VoiceAmerica is featuring me in their newsletter. I got an email from them that says, ?If you haven?t heard already, we would be honored to feature you in our VoiceAmerica host highlights for an inaugural edition of our company newsletter. We?ve written a short piece we?d like to share with you.? It basically says that VoiceAmerica would like to acknowledge Dr. Gloria Horsley, host of Healing the Grieving Heart, for her outstanding contribution to the network. And may I say the only reason I have an outstanding contribution to the network is because, and they go on to give some of our emails from our listeners, and what I want to say is you, the listeners, are the reason that is a contribution to VoiceAmerica because we keep building our listening audience and we?re also having wonderful emails come in to us about the show.
I just received an email from Mary from Atlanta, Georgia, and she wanted to share this you. She didn?t know who wrote it, but it?s called The Cracks in Your Heart. Recently I heard a quote from someone I know not who that struck a responsive chord in me. The quote said the cracks in your heart are where the light shines through. And she says I immediately knew whoever said it was someone who had experienced a great loss or many great losses and had obviously suffered, as many of us have, and yet had finally learned a truism that many of us have also learned. Very sweet. Thank you, Mary, for sending that in.
I have another email from Sharon. She said, I?ve had a Gloria day today catching up on your shows. I?ve received quite a few comments from families who I work with who?ve been comforted by listening to the archives. One lady in particular appreciated the show about grief and marriage. I must admit I also had the myth that marriages tend to end with stress after losing a child. It was a fascinating show. Hope all is well and things are going well with you. So thanks again for your emails. It?s great. We love to have them coming in and you can email me through my website, www.healingthegrievingheart.org and also I?ve done something new on the website, we have so many wonderful quotes from the show that I?m starting to collect them and you can read a quote of the week if you go to my website from some of our great guests. So join us on our show today by calling our toll free number which is 866-472-5792 with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life. You can also email me through my website www.healingthegrievingheart.org and these shows are archived on www.thecompassionatefriends.org website as well as my website www.healingthegrievingheart.org and on www.health.voiceamerica.com website. Well I wanted to start this show today by giving you a little movie review that will segue us into our guest, Jane Greer, and our topic The Afterlife Connection. I was on an airplane last Sunday, and I saw a movie, An Unfinished Life, with Robert Redford and Morgan Freeman and Jennifer Lopez, and if you?ve seen the movie, you know that, and if it hadn?t been on an airplane, I probably wouldn?t have seen it because I don?t think we who have lost kids look for that, but on this show, Robert Redford?s son had been killed in an automobile accident where his daughter-in-law, Jennifer Lopez, was driving. Robert Redford just does an excellent job of playing a bereaved father. Every day he goes to his son?s grave and pours out his heart and you can see these communications over time with his deceased son are really meaningful because he hasn?t forgiven his daughter-in-law and in the end, talking to his son, being with his daughter-in-law has helped him to forgive his daughter-in-law, embrace his granddaughter, and begin to live his life again. So how he continued these bonds with deceased loved ones is going to be the topic of our show today and my guest today is Jane Greer, and Jane, welcome to the show. I?m so happy to have you on.
J: Oh, thank you, it?s such a pleasure to be on with you.
G: Yeah, it?s great. Jane and I, I think we first met in the Green Room. Was it the Today Show or Good Morning America or Good Morning New York?
J: I don?t remember.
G: I don?t remember what show. I had written a book on in-laws and I don?t know that was about five years ago. Which book were you on for that?
J: Golly, it might have been the Gridlock book about the courage to move on in love, work and life. Yes, a long time ago, and then coincidentally we knew we had a friend in common.
G: That?s right. Very strange. We were both working on other books and have done other things with Toni Robino who is a great little editor and helps us both out. Out of all the people in the world, we reconnected with that.
J: You know what, that is the testimony to the people who are supposed to be in your life and those that you are supposed to be connected with do indeed come your way or other people come along to lead you to them and there are no coincidences as such.
G: Absolutely. Well, I wanted to say a little about you before we get started. Jane Greer. She?s a nationally-known marriage and family therapist and she?s authored four books, The Afterlife Connection: A Therapist Reveals How To Communicate with Departed Loved Ones, the one we?re going to talk the most about today, but I also want to talk to her about her other books, Gridlock, Finding the Courage to Move On In Love, Work, and Life; How Could You Do This To Me? Learning to Trust After Betrayal; and Adult Sibling Rivalry: Understanding the Legacy of Childhood and she also has a sex advice column for Redbook magazine online at www.redbookmagazine.com so you might want to go there. Do you have a website where they can get in touch with you?
J: I do. It?s www.drjanegreer.com.
G: And if you see Jane?s picture, you will probably recognize her because if you?ve watched any daytime things like Sally Jesse Raphael or Montel Williams or I don?t know what else you’ve been on, Jane is not only on for her books but she also gets called on to be the psychologist on the shows.
J: Yes. I?ve done many, many shows, in fact this morning I did a little quick segment on a piece for the Today Show on women who are addicted to bad boys.
G: Let?s definitely go onto that and now we?ve got that little teaser for the audience. They?re going to want to. How could we resist, women addicted to bad boys. We promise you we?ll come back to that. So Jane I wanted to talk about your book, The Afterlife Connection: A Therapist Reveals how to Communicate with Departed Loved Ones. I wanted to ask you very first of all, I was reading the book. It was so interesting. But I wanted to ask you first of all, were you afraid to write it and what did you think other therapists would think about you or the world or did that bother you at all?
J: Well, yeah, it was a concern. When this happened, I was writing for Redbook magazine and had been working with couples and individuals with relationship and marital and sexual concerns for so many years and really wanted to write a book about sexual issues, how to address those concerns, how to make your sex life better, and in the midst of it all, my mother was precipitously diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. So, okay, I went through the devastating period of life when you?re dealing with a loved one?s imminent death and put aside work projects, and at that point before she died, I said to her, you know, somehow you have to promise me that you?re going to find a way to stay connected to me and to come back. Now this came out of my collaborative work with a very prominent celebrity psychic who I?d been involved with for a number of years. We had been actually working jointly on the psychic and your psyche, teaching people how to enhance their psychic skills, how to be open to the psychic world. Her name is Maria Papatetros.
G: Okay now I want to break just for a minute when you say that. Would the audience please stay with us. Even you people who are skeptical, stay with us. Hang in because it?s going to be very interesting. Okay.
J: She had lost her son at the age of fifteen many years back and found that much of her psychic information and connection was coming through her relationship with her son who was on the other side. And being involved and being open to that and seeing the abundance of information that came her way that things that she would predict, things that she would say would occur which indeed did occur was really incredibly eye opening to me and was what really planted the notion that at the point in time when my mom got ill to say to her hey, you know what, you can stay connected, find a way. Okay, so she made this promise that she would do it and after her death, things started to happen, inexplicable things concerning electricity, concerning lights, concerning music, things that you couldn?t quite make sense of on a pragmatic reality based content. So I started writing them down just to keep track to say, wow, this happened.
G: And audience, Jane?s starting with writing it down. I think that?s one of the things you?re going to say, right?
J: Absolutely. The minute you have something that seems out of the blue or out of the ordinary, write it down. So I started to do that and by the end of about six months, I had a litany of uncanny, inexplicable experiences, the kinds of things which immediately makes you say, oh, I?ve got the chills, and this sounds crazy, but. Those I found with everybody who?s experienced spiritual encounters and connections with loved ones who?ve moved on. The defining mantra is either you will say, ?I know this sounds crazy, but? or ?I?m getting the chills. My hair is raised.? So at that point, my editor, I was talking about an idea I had for a book on death and just talking loosely about my own personal experience and the things that were happening and the things I had written down and it was truly at her suggestion where she said, ?You know what, so many people could really benefit from hearing from a credible therapist that this had happened, this does occur, and learning how to create and generate this connection for themselves. This is really a book that could be so heart opening and enhancing for people, why don?t you write this book? You can always write a book on death. So I thought about it for awhile and started working with my patients to help them develop the skill and expertise to generate their own contact and connections, to look at how do you deal with unresolved relationships if a loved one passes and you?re not at a place of harmony and peace and started to gather stories from so many people who were having similar extraordinary what felt like miraculous connections and happenings with departed loved ones that I said, okay, I will go ahead and put all this down on paper and see what it leads to, and it really became this particular book, and that?s how it came into being.
G: That?s great. And you must have thought about it more than once about wow, should I really put this out there?
J: Well, I think the hardest part for me, Gloria, is that coming from a very psychoanalytically psychotherapeutic background as a therapist, I?m trained to not disclose, to really keep my personal life very personal and private.
G: We?ve got to take a break and when we get back, we?ll be talking with Jane Greer. We promised our audience we?re going to get on to a couple of your other books, bad boys, and the other thing I want to talk about is your take on sex because one of the things that I get emails about when I have a show talking about sexuality is I want to ask you and we?ll leave it till the last segment, but what would you recommend for people who have had a bereavement, they?re feeling depressed, they?re feeling lost, and how would you suggest that they connect up with their partner in better ways, so if you can keep that in the back of your mind, we?ll hit that during the last segment. There?s so much to talk to you about on this show. You?re such a wise and fantastic person that I would like to give people the essence of the Afterlife Connection and what are some steps they can do to communicate with departed ones. Now Jane?s mother died and she had a colleague who?s a very well-known psychic who had had a connection with her son who died. By the way, I tried to get her on the show but she?s in another country and I couldn?t get her email. Anyway, so Jane, from that, was asked by her editor to go on and write a book about connecting with her mother and that?s how she started the Afterlife Connection book. So if you could go on and give us some ideas for folks out there. One of the things that is a little different is your mother would be your advisor anyway, but remember our guests have lost children so right away during that first or second year, you wouldn?t expect them to really maybe see their child as an advisor. They might later one, but I would doubt it the first couple of years. I would think more we?re looking for what you were talking about, harmony and peace, and how can you connect up on that level with the kids.
J: I think that one of the things regardless of whether it?s a child, an adult, grandparent, when our loved ones move on, I truly believe that it?s because they have reached a point for whatever the karma and whatever the being is that they have done all that they can do in physical form and are now transitioning to a higher level and a higher evolution in spirit form and, therefore, their loving energy prevails and persists and continues to surround us and embrace us from the other side, and if you?ve lost a child, that child?s energy and spirit and presence will continue to be there to connect in loving, caring, supportive, and oftentimes guiding ways. One of the women that I met, a stranger out of the blue, she wound up talking to me and we wound up, it was a long story, we wound up connecting. In any event, it turns out I had no idea that her son had passed away in a car accident and we were house hunting my husband and I and wound up checking out the area where she was living and her home was beautiful and she said that what had happened was one day she and her husband were about a half an hour away going to lunch and she got in her head the message where this particular town and piece of land was. She heard it in her head, River Reserve, this one particular area, and she turned to her husband and said we?ve got to go there. He said where is this? She said I don?t know but I got this in my head. Anyway, she and her husband went there. There was one model home left on the market. They bought it that day because it was exactly the kind of environment similar to the place where her son had been in college and he said unequivocally that I know my son gave me that message, wanted us to be living here, their home was by a river with a mountain in the background and she said I know he brought us here. So it was clearly a piece of guidance and love and connection from her son who had passed on and I think the key is really simply to be open to feeling their loving energy just because that person, that child, that parent doesn?t exist in physical presence does not mean that their energy and who they are ceases to exist.
G: Now could you talk about putting out the welcome mat.
J: I think the most important thing is to have the expectation and to look for and to specifically ask for a sign so that your loved one knows that you are welcome and open to connecting with them and what I very often encourage people to do is to get a special candle and either something as simple as lighting the candle to pass on the light and the energy and to say to your child, to say to your sister, I want to feel you, I want to feel a connection, please I?m ready, show me a sign. And then to be open to the wonder of spiritual connections because one of the ways that our loved ones come through is in and through energy which means electrical appliances, lights, music, sounds. Now very often, the only way that they come through and register is when things break. The things stop working. And if you are not aware that this is a message from a loved one, you can miss it entirely and simply wind up feeling frustrated, irritated, and annoyed that you have a new car and your air conditioner on the hottest day isn?t working or you?ve got a television and your favorite program is on and the TV just went out, or your phone line suddenly you?ve got static and you?re trying to make calls and you can?t get through. I was at a book store talking at Barnes and Noble and was describing that spirit does come through in all these frustrating and irritating ways and one of the women said, ?I can?t believe you?re saying this. Thank goodness. You know, for this past week, every appliance in my kitchen stopped working. My dishwasher went on the blink, my toaster stopped working.? I said, ?Who passed away?? She said, ?My sister died a week and a half ago, and she was the one who did all the cooking.? I said, ?Well, she?s still in the kitchen with you and she wants you to know that.? She said, ?If not for understanding this, it helps you to completely reframe what would otherwise feel like a disruption to bringing a meaningful and powerful message and contact for the loved one.? So the most important thing is to be aware of the infinite ways that we receive our messages through animals, through dogs, through pets, through butterflies, through birds, through music. Your special song suddenly being on the radio, you?re thinking about it, and there?s a song that was very meaningful to you, through license plates.
G: I was going to say signs on the road. Start reading signs.
J: License plates. It?s uncanny how you will see a personalized license plate and written to you about a message of love with the name of your daughter or son, or the date of the time of passing, or the date of a birthday. All of these ways are the magical miracle ways that our loved ones let us know I?m right here, I?m right with you.
G: We recently adopted two babies from China, my daughters did, and we went to China to pick them up a month ago and the place where we received the babies was the Gloria Hotel and my children are like, what are the chances of that? Anyway, my youngest daughter was very close to my son when he was killed and feels very much that he was involved with the adoption. And by the way, I want to just say, if you go to my website, www.healingthegrievingheart.org, you can go on Library of Life and I have created a website for my granddaughter and I?d love to have you come in and join with me to look at that site and the joy of having this sweet baby. And it is time for us to go on break again. One thing I want say about Jane, too, and I?m sure you?d all like to know where she is. She is in New York City, and you have private practice there, right?
J: Yes, I do. I?m located right in midtown New York City. It?s so interesting because you talk about sex and whether you?re talking about managing and keeping sex fun and just keeping sex alive when you?re dealing with grief and loss and/or if you?re dealing with a betrayal, anything that is traumatic to your relationship will impact on your energy level and therefore on your sexual desire and sexual energy and I think the hardest part when you?re dealing with a betrayal where somebody has disappointed or betrayed your trust and very often when somebody loses a loved one, it feels like a betrayal. It?s like how could you do this to me? How could you go off and die? I don?t get that. It?s very hard because you sometimes do feel very angry and then you feel badly or guilty that you don?t have a right to be angry or you feel that somehow if it?s a betrayal that maybe you brought it on yourself. You could have done something differently. So the challenge is really to be very much in touch with and on top of your angry feelings, your hurt, your disappointment, and to be able to let yourself experience them so that you don?t shut off and wind up internalizing them and getting depressed because the minute you lock them up inside of yourself, your energy will start to drain and you will then lose all desire for good feelings and that is where your sex life goes out the window.
G: Say a couple has had a child die and they have maybe some anger, animosity, that kind of thing. How would you suggest that they re-warm up to each other besides talking about it?
J: I think one of the most powerful things for women as well as for men is the physical connection of simply embracing, holding each other in one?s arms. Physical touch, just giving each other back rubs or neck rubs or massages or a little reflexology on the hands and the feet. Literally staying hands on and connecting, taking the pressure and the emphasis per se off having to have sex but being sexually intimate by staying in touch with one another?s bodies can be tremendously healing and tremendously connected.
G: Now do you find that women are slower to warm up to this after some kind of a trauma or do you find the same with men and women?
J: I think on the contrary that one of the most powerful experiences for both men and women who are grieving and dealing with any kind of loss is to be touched because you are in such emotional pain and feeling so alone and very often feeling so empty that the power of the touch becomes amplified tremendously so to have a partner simply put his or her arm around you, to give you a soft kiss on the cheek, to simply reach for your hand helps you feel connected and a part of a couple, a greater part of the whole, if you will, and not so alienated and not so alone in your pain and suffering, and I think that really keeping the focus on reaching out and touching someone like the phone company tells you can be a tremendous proactive way of working through and getting through your grief.
G: Now do you think the first time you?re really intimate, that seems like a hurdle sometimes, people tell me. And the other thing is you have to look at your past history. If you had a difficult sexual relationship before you had a child die, it?s going to be even more difficult.
J: Yeah, that?s why I say that rather than up the ante and make it more difficult ? some day you?re going to be speaking fluent French when you were up to the dictionary and beginners French ? you really want to keep it simple and find ways to just feel good with each other. So you really want to scale it back almost as if it was before you were dating. Whether you say, you know what, let?s go on a date and spend time coming home and just kissing.
G: That?s a great way to put it because our people who have had children die tell us there was then, and then there?s now. It?s a new life. After their child dies, it?s totally changed, so going back to the dating thing could be a lovely way to look at it.
J: Exactly right because when you?ve lost a child, you have to create a new beginning and it?s very hard so that you want to find a new way and begin anew with your partner in ways that you can stay close and comforting and soothing to each other so you can go through the process together and share the pain and not wind up blaming or criticizing one another and so putting the emphasis on renewal, starting anew, finding new ways, and having something new to look forward to with each other, through a date, through an activity of going out, and knowing that your child continues to want you to bring new life and to be alive on their behalf, and so going forward with their presence is very much a part of your relationship.
G: Great thought. Well, listen, audience, go on the internet and go to that www.redbookmagazine.com and Jane?s sex advice column there for Redbook Magazine and do you have someplace where they can send in their questions?
J: Yes. www.drjanegreer.com. I have an Ask Dr. Greer link.
G: Oh great. Ask Dr. Greer. Perfect. Okay, I promised our audience at the beginning that we would also talk about bad boys.
J: It?s so interesting. I have a number of women right now that I?m working with and it was so funny because I was saying you know, I really want to write an article or something because all of these bright, intelligent, sexy, attractive, savvy women are involved with these guys that just know how to suck the life out of them, make them feel bad about themselves, make them feel like they are the ones who are constantly at fault, always doing something wrong. These guys just come in. They spoil the moment. They spoil the good times. They create conflict. Something that should be simple and easy like being supportive during a hard time is an opportunity for them to be particularly nasty and withholding. The experience with a bad boy is that it?s not about what they do to make you feel good, it?s about what they do to alleviate making you feel bad. It?s like negative reinforcement. You wind up feeling good simply when they?re not saying or doing something hurtful, upsetting, or disappointing. And the key is to really ask yourself, if I?m feeling bad so much, what am I doing with a guy who?s always making me doubt my judgment, feel like I?m wrong, feel like I?m stupid, and how do I begin to hold on to my truth and trust my gut and go with I know what I know. I had one woman who said to me her boyfriend told her she saw the World Trade Center come down on TV and he said there?s no way that can happen, it?s impossible. She said, you know what, he completely talked me out of it. Even though I know what I saw. And that?s what a bad boy can do. He can talk you into believing and buying into his reality at the expense of your own and if you do that, you pay a tremendous emotional price.
G: So your message to women is to move on to other relationships to get out of this one.
J: Exactly, but get out by way of holding on to your reality. Check it out with other people. Do not get caught up in trying to change him, trying to get him to see that he?s wrong, trying to get him to reason and be reasonable about his unreasonable, irrational behavior, and just knowing it to be the truth and doing something about it yourself.
G: That?s great. I wanted to ask you about this book, How Could You Do This To Me: Learning To Trust After Betrayal. This published by Doubleday. How do you learn to trust after betrayal? We have some audience members who feel like they?ve been betrayed. How do they learn to trust after that?
J: What I say to people is a lot of times somebody betrays you, they feel bad and they feel guilty and they say I?m sorry most of the time. Sometimes they don?t even say I?m sorry. Betrayal in order for the healing process to start must start with the apology. I?m really sorry and the accountability for what I did to you. I?m sorry I cheated. I?m sorry I lied. I?m sorry I betrayed your trust. That?s the first step. However, that is the first step because following that, they now have to put their words into action. It?s not enough to apologize and then to continue behaving in ways that evoke mistrust and suspicion. If they lied, if they cheated, they have to be willing to rebuild your trust and trust is rebuilt by actions not words. So they have to be willing to say I?ll see you at 7:00 o?clock and show up. They have to be willing to say, you can trust me, I?m not calling anybody that I don?t want you to know about. You can look at my phone. You can see who I?m calling. You can look at the phone bill. They have to be willing to demonstrate and behave in a trustworthy way.
G: I think it?s great that you?ve published a book encouraging people basically to work through the process and not just get divorced or whatever.
J: Exactly because a lot of times cheating is a by product in the relationship of something being amiss in the relationship. Something?s missing. People get angry and they feel resigned that their stuff is nothing that they can do about it and then they become vulnerable to a relationship outside of the primary one. And a lot of times they want to have what they can get from their partner what?s going on with their lover and if you can use that as an opportunity to jump start and revitalize your marriage or your relationship, you really can rebuild it and take it to much higher ground.
G: Well, thank you, Jane for reviewing a couple of books for us and some of your other ideas, which are fabulous. After break, we are going to get back to the afterlife connection. Jane, this is our last break and I want to get back to The Afterlife Connection and I wondered if there was something that you wanted to say about it.
J: Sometimes people will say to me, well, I?m afraid to make the connection or does it mean that people on the other side are getting ready for me. Fear interrupts and disrupts. It?s like static electricity. It?s okay to have your fears just move through them and know that what you will gain if you open yourself up to the connection with a loved one will be so worth it and it?s only about a continuation of loving energy and it?s so worth that. I think the most important thing is when you?re dealing with the other side is to expect and keep your mind positive that good things will happen, that positive things will come from your connection and to ask and expect that your loved one will come through in positive supportive loving feeling ways because over and over and over and over I hear this from people that their son, their daughter was there, protected them, guided them, made them feel safe in a moment of fear, and that they always know they have their angel through that loved person.
G: The guardian angel.
G: Could you talk about writing about your loved one or a dream.
J: The dream visit, which is what I experienced it and called it, is one of the most extraordinary ways that our loved ones get through and so many people will say very nonchalantly, oh, I had a dream about my son or I dreamt about my daughter and I very often will ask them to describe that dream and the dream has such a vivid quality to it. They didn?t just dream about that loved one. They were with that loved one. They felt that loved one?s energy and presence. They could describe that loved one to a T. they had the most empowering, interactive connection with them and I call those dream visits because I truly believe that that?s one of the vehicles and one of the ways that our loved ones connect with us and we go to sleep, we suspend our conscious awareness and our conscious minds and our energy goes on to that unconscious level no different than when we meditate and make ourselves available to the cosmic energy in universal energy and our loved ones who are in spiritual energy form can find a way to have a meeting ground and that?s where we meet up with them. So I think that keeping a journal and writing about the visits that happen when your loved ones come through a dream, writing about the inexplicable things when things break, pay attention to the date, the time. Notice that they?re breaking on the date of a loved one?s death or the birthday of a loved one. If it?s the time that is at the time that that loved one passed away. If it?s a song that comes on the radio which is a song that was very special to you or to your loved one. One of the women was telling me she was at the cemetery and she was having a hard time dealing with her mom after her father?s death and she was feeling a little guilty about wanting to put her mother in her own apartment and not have her continue to live with her. And she said, dad, you?ve got to help me. You?ve got to let me know that it?s okay. You?ve got to give me a sign. And at that exact moment, on the radio came Fleetwood Mac singing you can go your own way. She said, okay, I got it. It?s okay for me to move on and let mom go on now and do her own thing. Those are the ways you ask for the sign and you will get the connection.
G: Now I had an email from a lady who said that she had been to a psychic. Her daughter died only five months ago and the psychic said her daughter was trying to get to her and that she needed to clear her mind and meditate or whatever and the poor woman was frantic about the idea that her daughter was trying to get to her and one of the things that I said to her and I?d love your comment on it was that they?re always with you.
J: They?re always with you. What we?re simply talking about is the difference between turning on the light and seeing what?s in the room or having the light off and not necessarily seeing that they?re there. They?re always there. Their loving presence is always around. However, she doesn?t have to work that hard. All she has to do is say, sweetheart, let me feel your presence. Show me a sign and I must say that I?ve told this to people who have lost loved ones, parents, twenty-five years ago who never reached for or asked for a connection. The minute that they do, the loved one?s picture will fall off the shelf. Suddenly, they?ll be purchasing a house and the date that they?re purchasing the house is their father?s birthday. It is extraordinary and remarkable the way that our loved ones continue to let us know they?re with us and all you have to do is open your eyes, ask, look, and receive.
G: I love that. Ask, look, and receive. So one of the things is just recognizing the signs and I love what you said. Put out the doormat. Let them know that you?re open, and I love the idea of actually getting a candle, a special candle and putting it in the window.
J: That the psychic who was telling this woman your daughter?s trying to connect, it was almost to me as if her daughter wanted to let her mother know to start to look for me and be open to my presence. And a lot of times, our loved ones will communicate through other people. A friend will have a dream about your son, or a psychic will tell you about your daughter and that?s the way that you start to open up to their coming through.
G: But it?s not the be all end all. I don?t think any psychic would say you have to come to me every time if you want to have any kind of a sign.
J: Any psychic that?s saying that is not somebody you want to go to. The reason I wrote this book — it?s wonderful to go through a psychic and hear things that only your son or daughter knew about you or shared with you. That said, you can get there by yourself.
G: Exactly. And you can be there by yourself. All you have to do is stay open to what?s going on. And as you said, little signs, like even reading a sign outside or music or whatever, there are different ways that people connect.
J: My mother?s song was La Vien Rose and two weeks ago was her birthday and I have not heard that song in many many many months and at 11:22 which is a particularly significant time and number to me, I turn on a jazz station which I listen to every week on Sunday morning and I have never heard La Vien Rose ever once on the station on her birthday La Vien Rose at that significant time. That?s one of the trillion ways that I keep getting messages and signs from her. And that?s how your loved one will come through.
G: I love what you said because it had only been five months for this lady and for her to meditate after five months, people spend years trying to meditate and it?s not that hard. It doesn?t have to be.
J: The meditating can help you open your mind however you can simply open your mind by saying I want a sign or expect a sign and please give me a sign.
G: Absolutely. Well, Jane, it?s time for us to end our show and I want to thank you so much for being on. It?s been so much fun.
J: Oh, thank you so much. It?s a pleasure. Any time.
G: How does everybody get your books?
J: Most of them are on line, amazon.com. Just go on to amazon.com, punch in Dr. Jane Greer. Whichever book is tailored to your particular situation, that?s how you can get it.