Have you ever lost someone close, and in the brain fog of grief, wondered if you might forget some of the things you loved most about them? Their infectious belly laugh, extravagant generosity, or maybe their unconditional love for people? I get it.
Since losing several of my closest and favorite family members- my beloved Mom, Dad, Nana, sister-in-love, Kay, and most recently, my “splendiferous” (his word) brother Mike, I’ve been trying to dig deep and remember exactly what it was that made each of their lives so memorable and magnificent.
What if you could be the things you loved most
about the person you’re missing?
For my Mom, “Beazy,” and Dad, “Big John,” no matter what shenanigans their five kids were up to, there was really nothing you could ever do to make them stop loving you.
Even things like:
- carving “I LOVE MOMY,” on their mahogany dining room table with kindergarten scissors.
- crashing their Chevy station wagon into a Chrysler New Yorker.
- replacing the tobacco in our dad’s pipe with bubbles.
- ordering burgers, fries and ice cream (without permission) from the Howard Johnson’s room service menu, while our parents slept soundly next door.
Regardless of the crime, Mom and Dad somehow kept smiling, forgiving, and loving their mischievous crew.
My grandmother, Nana, had a unique way of convincing each of her eleven grandchildren that we were her favorite. There was nothing like a solo sleepover at Nana’s- watching the Atlanta Braves together on TV, then getting tucked snuggly into crisp pink sheets on the twin bed next to hers. And, on your solo sleepover date with Nana, you could pick whatever you wanted for breakfast- even golden brown biscuits, cracked open from a can. Could life get any better?
Nana graduated to Heaven over twenty years ago, but even now some of my favorite moments with our five grand kids are one-on-one dates, forever inspired by Nana.
Our sister-in-love, Kay had an uncanny ability, no matter what colossal curveball came her way, to keep going and never give up. Kay’s “no fear” attitude still shines brightly through her three adult kids, and their kids, whether they’re courageously Irish dancing on a big scary stage, or facing a fierce opponent on the tennis court or soccer field.
And last, but certainly not least, my brother Mike (photo above) was one of the most optimistic humans ever created. He never got over the wonder of God’s creation– a majestic oak tree, brilliant sunset, or the miracle of a tiny grandbaby coming into the world. At Mike’s celebration of life, one family member put like this,
“Like Papa,
I pray we always have the eyes to see the best,
a heart to forgive the worst,
a mind that forgets the bad,
and a soul that never loses faith.”
Remembering each of these dear ones has encouraged me to intentionally be more like them- to love unconditionally, face life fearlessly, and never lose the wonder of God’s creation.
How about you?
How could you honor your loved one by carrying on something you cherish about them? I invite you to grab a journal or notebook and brainstorm some of your favorite things that are coming to mind. My hope is that remembering what you loved most about them will bring a smile to your face and comfort to your heart.
Beth Marshall
Uncrushed and Grief Survivor Author
