My wife, Bobbie, and I, were not big fans of the cell phone in the beginning, but we did communicate at least twice a day or night. I was a swing shift worker. She was a day shifter. Earlier in our marriage, we used beepers or pagers. They could get irritating without a voice to deal with, but the price was much cheaper. Then there was the problem of finding a phone to answer the beep. But, all that’s said and done, any communication was helpful, and we were thankful for that.
Bobbie and I were both headstrong, and when an argument would flareup, I felt like throwing the cell phone as far as I could throw it. But on the other hand, a cell phone can be a handy instrument to kiss and make up with–so to speak. Our marriage was cell phone friendly, for the most part. We had a strong marriage of love and respect.
When Bobbie was diagnosed with cancer in 1999, the cell phone became a frequent visitor in our lives. It made our lives handier than ever. We became very dependent on the cell phone. Just to call to say, “I love you and I will be home soon,” was a comfort to each other. And on a stormy night, we would call each other to make sure we were okay. We were very thankful we had cell phones during a power outage or a significant storm.
When Bobbie died, in 2001, I was devastated. She had been very ill for sixteen months. Brain cancer finally ended her life. The type of cancer she had invaded her lymphnodes. It had spread fiercely and rapidly. I had to take some time off from work after the funeral and burial arrangements were finalized. My bereavement leave extended to two weeks. When a person was in the state of mind like mine, an eternity wasn’t long enough. I should have taken more time off, because I was not ready to go back to work. My mind was so far away and my future seemed bleak without Bobbie. Some people say going back to work and staying busy is the best thing to do. I wasn’t so sure about that advice.
I took Bobbie’s death very hard. I thought I was prepared but I was far from being there. When I returned to work, I noticed something was dreadfully wrong. My cell phone was silent. This bothered me the most. I came to realize how much I enjoyed the times I would call my wife or when she called me. It was a routine I depended on. Now it was a reminder of the past. I felt like dying. The pain of missing her was so intense and haunting. I couldn’t bear the loss. My cell phone was a deadly reminder. A sad reminder and conclusion–Bobbie’s not here anymore. Sometimes I would reach out to call her, then I stopped dead in my tracks. My shift at work became the most agonizing ordeal I could ever bear. My cell phone was quiet and I was going crazy. I felt so lonely and useless. The best way to describe my pain was to compare how I felt through a song The Beatles sang on their white album. The song on the album, entitled Yer Blues, is painful to hear. It’s when John Lennon sang lead with a moaning groan– “Yes I’m lonely, want a die. If I ain’t dead already, boy, you know the reason why. ” He may have been singing about withdrawing off drugs, but I was screaming inside with suicidal thoughts, dying to hear my wife’s pleasant voice. I might as well be dead, when the cell phone stops ringing.
Earl D. Erickson, is an internet author. He enjoys writing true stories. Stories that his readers can identify with, is what he reaches for. He says it’s all about making his readers feel they are not alone about their feelings. He writes exactly how he feels. He has written many articles for Ezine
Articles. His stories can be read by directly going to his websites or by looking up his name under expert authors at Ezine Articles. He is writing a book about his struggles with alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, suicide and grief. The book is entitled, Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder. He encourages his readers to e-mail him with their comments.
Mr. Erickson, enjoys photography, listening to his library of music, watching videos and old time movies and television, reading, gardening and the great outdoors. He owns and manages five websites. Two of them are: http://VideosMusicandMore.com and http://ComfortandLoss.com.
Mr. Erickson, is a native and lifelong resident of Tacoma, Washington.