“Where am I in my grieving process?” It’s a question most of us ask at some point, and it’s different for each of us.

Possible Answers to ‘Where Am I in My Grieving Process?’

After the first six to 12 months, you might find yourself answering in one of these ways:

  1. I am still fully immersed in deep grieving! Crying every day, I miss her like hell, am angry at the world, feel desperately alone and have few if any friends or family I can talk to.
  2. I have finished the worst of my deep grieving. I am feeling better, started dating and met one or more wonderful women who give me hope. But I still have moments of great sorrow, moments when I feel a terrible loneliness, and times when I feel that this is a surreal dream.
  3. I am finished with grieving! Besides some moments of remembrance and low-grade sorrow over my memories, I am doing well, but still able to fondly remember, honor, and love her.

Even More Possible Answers

You may find you are experiencing some or all of these, bouncing between them, or settled into just one category. Grief is a fickle companion and will throw you curveballs. If you feel some semblance of stability, along with an ability to be with and share life with others again, then you are doing relatively well.

Some of us are forced back into the world way too soon. This may be due to the demands of finances, children to be cared for, or the needs of friends, family, or community.

This may delay the processing of your grief. You may subvert your grieving, resulting in a build-up of unresolved issues that appear at a later date.

Asking Again: ‘Where Am I in My Grieving Process?’

If this subvert your grief, you may be in a complete denial stage. You may think you are doing fine. Unfortunately, this can often lead to even worse consequences.

Each of us grieves differently. So, there is no one right way to grieve, no one right amount of time to grieve, and no guarantee that if you do it one particular way that you will emerge whole on the other side.

However, there are many things we can learn from every widower’s experience. The commonalities of our experiences help us realize that we are not going crazy, and that others have survived.

Others Widowers Have Been Here

These may be as simple as the saying, “Learn to accept that it will never be the same again.”  Or it may be a story a fellow widower shares with you that connects with you viscerally and helps you to see beyond the pain.

Wherever a widower finds he is in the process, it helps to know that while grief may not end, there can be progress and a feeling that life is worth living again.

© Copyright 2021 Fred Colby All rights reserved

 To read Fred Colby’s article on helping a widower after his loss, click here.

Purchase Fred Colby’s book: Widower to Widower: Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship: Colby, Fred: 9781732115910: Amazon.com: Books

 For more information go to: www.fredcolby.com





Fred Colby

Fred Colby has served as a director, board member and consultant for nonprofit organizations in California and Colorado. After his wife, Theresa, died in 2015 Fred shifted his focus to writing and leadership roles to help his fellow widowers heal and re-engage with life. He co-founded the Pathways Hospice Men’s Grief Group and an online grief group. He resides in Ft. Collins, Colorado. For more information go to: www.fredcolby.com

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