After the death of my child, I was left feeling powerless. It felt as though I had lost everything. Not only did I lose my child, but I felt as though I had lost my hopes, dreams and my previous way of living. I no longer had the confidence I once had.

In the beginning, there were so many times I felt the breath had been knocked out of me and I could hardly speak. How could I adequately describe to anyone how I felt?

Most days I barely knew my own name. But once the deep pain has eased a little, I was left with the task of finding my way in a new land. I was unsure how to move forward, but one tool I discovered was communication. I found it helps to be honest with others about my journey. I try to make an honest, but simple statement in reply to them.

When asked about a holiday, I reply, “It was different.” Sometimes, I add, “And I suppose they always will be.”

When asked how I am doing, I reply, “I am learning to carry this loss.” Sometimes I might add, “It gets different, not better, but different.”

During the early times, I might respond, “I have good days and bad days.” Or I might say, “I am not okay at the moment, but I will be.”

One might respond to hurtful or unwanted advice by saying, “I realize you mean well, but I don’t know how to respond to that.”

I found it helps to prepare my answers ahead of time. I go over replies in my head until I am somewhat comfortable with my response.

I find that most folks seemed relieved to hear an honest answer. In many cases it seemed to open the door for them to continue the conversation. I began to feel that the answers provided me with a small feeling of personal power again.

While I will never have back all that I lost nor will I ever be the same person, I can be a person with my own personal power again. Effective communications of my feelings gave me that power. That power gave me the hope to find myself and my way along this journey.

Debra Reagan 2012