“ I believe that our heroes in life change over time based on our values and maturity. We don’t cling to those who impressed us with their status. Instead, we align our vision with those who are authentic, reliable, and role models. However, there may also be the unlikely, unclaimed hero who changes our life and lives in our heart forever.” (Nan Zastrow)
A year ago, in a support group meeting, I shared the story of how the ®Wings organization began…in Memory after the death of our son, Chad. After the group, a man who was present came forward and said, “I remember your son, Chad.” I was his football coach. He was number 79. He was truly a great young man.” There is no greater music to one’s soul than to have someone remember your loved one and tell you about them, even 30 years later. Chad was just a team player, not a football hero. However, Chad was always a hero to me.
I wasn’t a devoted football fan, the kind that follows every game faithfully. But of course, we attended every game throughout his high school years. We watched his games with hearty bravos for his team. Chad considered himself a pure, through-and-through Vikings fan. So, we humored him with a little Packer rivalry, for the fun of it. When Chad died, we had a teddy bear made with a Viking T-shirt, because it just felt right. For a period of time, the Vikings were his heroes.
I believe that our heroes in life change over time. We don’t cling to those who impressed us with their status. Instead, we align our vision with those who are authentic, reliable and role models. On a talk show, several years ago, the host asked his celebrity guest who his heroes were in his life. For a moment, the guest hesitated, trying to decide how to answer that question. He went on to name a few childhood super heroes—mostly cowboys and a couple fictional characters. Then he commented that he acknowledged that his heroes in his life changed as he grew older…to be more realistic people like his dad and uncle. When he became a dad, his heroes changed again as he tried to model himself after people he thought were super-dads.
I agree that this is true. A few “heroes” may stay forever constant. Some of our heroes are living and some may have died. The heroes that remain in our mind are the ones that impacted our life.
Who is the Hero that Influenced Your Life? What Makes Them Important?
Characteristically, classic heroes are those who have achieved against incredible odds or risked their lives to help someone. They demonstrate courage and bravery by facing fears and adversity. They are “symbols” of qualities we desire. We stand in awe of their actions and resilience.
Most public heroes enter our lives only briefly. They may walk quietly into our lives and gently fade away. Perhaps he or she is the athlete, the humanitarian, the pop star, the soldier, the actor (actress), or someone who made an impression on us that we might never meet in person. We may follow their lives and personal successes faithfully and idealize what it must feel like to be in their shoes.
There is also the unlikely hero who doesn’t appear to be anyone other than an ordinary person. The unlikely hero doesn’t ask to be a hero and probably prefers anonymity. He or she may seem like the underdog, the forgotten, or the impromptu hero who was in the right place at the right time. His or her choice to do something resulted in a heroic or noteworthy effort that came from a sense of duty, values, or compassion.
Ultimately, there is the influential hero who alters the course of someone’s life accidentally or unintentionally. Such a hero is not perfect. In life, they’ve faced obstacles and chose to focus on understanding other people’s struggles. Often, without realizing it, their actions indirectly motivated, inspired, and promoted positive change or transformation.
The influential hero may be our most important hero. We may reshape our identity by following them as a role model. Some are mentors who empower us to become the best that we can be. Others inspire us with strength and courage in times of adversity to rise above our difficulties, fears, and insecurity to do something totally unexpected or extraordinary.
My son, Chad, is that kind of hero to me. Chad’s life and his death changed me. The impact of his death forever changed my perspective and values. It gave me the courage to speak out about suicide. It inspired my husband and I to create a ministry of hope for anyone who experienced loss. I wrote The Memory of a Darkest Moment Can Change a Life describing that time.
What I choose to remember is how Chad lived, and what he valued. Chad loved sports, fishing, hunting, cars (mainly mustangs), and pizza (a whole one for himself). At 18 years old, he joined the Army National Guard while still in high school. He came home from basic training that summer and was proud of the panther tattoo on his arm before heading to football training. He was fiercely patriotic and felt most comfortable in army fatigues bloused over his combat boots. He was training to be an EMT. He valued true love that could last a lifetime, and when that daydream failed, he took his life. Beyond his death, we knew, he loved his family unconditionally, and we loved him. The sacrifice of losing Chad challenged our purpose. Ironically, God placed in our path a different kind of dream: a purpose greater than we could ever imagine. Everyone needs a hero who can define their meaning and purpose.
And now I have two heroes in the same family. When my husband, Gary, died three years ago, I lost a soulmate whose strength and fortitude carried us through three decades of healing grief. I couldn’t help but think how fortunate I was to have two men in my life who not only shone when they were living but continue to fuel the “wind beneath my wings” in death. Our family was challenged and blessed at the same time. It‘s with sincere gratitude that I continue this journey as I begin the 33rd year of the ®Wings ministry.
“Because you lived, I remember. Because I remember, you will never die.”
In Loving Memory of:
Chad E. Zastrow 12-4-1971 to 4-16-1993-
Gary Lee Zastrow 6-15-1946—1.15.2023
