Being a widow is hard. Anywhere! Starting over in a new area adds more layers of adjustment. I’ve been meeting people and attending events, but it’s a lot of couples.
So, I finally decided to go to a “widows walk.” I’m cringing even writing this. There’s gotta be a better name! Women’s Walk is better, if you ask me.
I was looking forward to meeting other women who are part of this club I never asked to join. After all, we had an immediate connection.
Questions About Dating Life
If only it were that easy. I arrived on time and was talking with some women before the walk began. No one asked about Jim. Or about us. They didn’t even ask about me! Instead, I was bombarded with questions about my dating life, and was immediately judged and criticized for my choice not to date.
Thank goodness I brought my pups with me! I let them sniff around so I could maneuver myself away from these women who, after 5 minutes, were giving me unsolicited advice.
But it was the same conversation with everyone there. Somehow, I controlled myself and didn’t scream the things running through my head. Like F*#% You!
Choosing Not to Date
Why am I the “weird” one for not dating? Isn’t it beautiful that Jim and I have our love story? He has my heart. He’s ALWAYS had my heart. And I’m lucky to have experienced life with him.
I don’t think something is wrong with me. I think: What’s the matter with these people? Maybe they didn’t have that magical love that we have.
But it is the popular opinion. Choosing to remain single in their eyes, married in mine, is looked down upon.
There are fewer of us. But that doesn’t mean we’re not out there. I survived the walk and got myself out of there without telling anyone off.
Seeking Others Who Choose Not to Date
And I realized that, just because we’re all widows, that doesn’t mean they’re my people. It will clearly take more looking. But I’d rather find the right people to surround myself with over settling for the wrong ones!
If you’re someone who believes we all should get back into the dating world, please know that it’s just not the right path for some of us. Help us connect with other single women. Share an activity or event you know we’ll enjoy.
But please don’t pressure us to do things your way! It’s our journey.
To the other widows who are choosing not date – because I know you’re out there – we’ve lost enough. It’s important to choose the right people as we let new people in.
Be True to Yourself About Dating
Don’t fall into the trap of doing what others expect from you. Look harder for those who accept you for who you are. Where you are.
Let’s create our own event – honoring our lost loves and our magical love stories. With absolutely no talk of dating allowed.
And just remember, even if we’re few and far between, we’re out here. Cheering each other on for surviving. Encouraging each other to do what’s best, not what’s easy.
Because we’re the only ones who really understand each other. The only ones who really understand this life. The world just doesn’t get it.
Samantha M. Ruth is author of several books, including, Women Who Illuminate- Samantha Ruth: Ruth, Samantha: 9781948927604: Amazon.com: Books
Learn more about the writer at Samantha Ruth, Founder of Griefhab™
Read Samantha’s writing on this site: All of Us Grieve After Mass Shootings – Open to Hope