My friend Margie asked me one day if I was angry with God over my husband Dale’s death. Sad? Yes. Angry? No.

It made me think, though. I’ve talked to many people who are angry with God over many things—not just the loss of their spouse. Books have been written about it. Sermons have been delivered. Debates have raged. So, what if you are one of the angry people?

How do you deal with this crushing loss without letting your anger destroy your faith?

It’s totally okay to be angry with God. He can take it. Even Jesus displayed anger toward God. His last words on earth were, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46 NIV).

Anger is part of the human condition we all understand. And the loss of your spouse—or your child, your parent, your health, or your job—can send you down a long spiral from which it’s hard to recover. So where do you go with that anger? How do you respond when your prayers are not answered?

Do you back away from God? I hope not. God would be totally fine having the anger discussion with you.

People journal, pray, drink, use drugs, tune out their family and friends, or drop out from society, yet some are still really angry with God. If God is all-powerful, then why would He allow this to happen to you, to your spouse, to your family?

It’s a fair question, but asking “Why me?” is also a selfish question. No one ever says, “Why them?” Faith is not based on what we get from “Santa Claus.” If we only love God because of what we get from Him, it isn’t really faith.

There is no guarantee in life that we will get everything we ask for, hope for, or pray for. Yet even strong Christians search Scripture to find that assurance. So, if Christians can’t count on some type of break from God in the bad times, what’s the point?

My son, Beau, is an Old Testament scholar and a wise and kind man. When I posed this question to him, his response was:

Mystery is a part of everyday life. Humans are not and cannot be ultimately knowing of the good and bad things that happen. When we reflect on things that happened in the past, often they turned out differently than we first imagined. Bad things weren’t as bad as first thought and some good things didn’t end well. Humans lack divine perspective. Anger with God often happens when people don’t understand the ultimate, divine purpose of events in human history. Though we search for divine purpose, we don’t get a final, precise answer.

And though God will sometimes intervene with a miracle, God does not compromise free will. Some choices result in poor outcomes. If we want to have the opportunity to express free will, we also have to live with the results. Bad things do happen to good people and we feel like we don’t deserve it. Just as often, we do things that deserve serious punishment, but God forgives us.

It was a simple and meaningful lesson. If you expect that all will go well every day, you are bound to be disappointed. Instead of asking God to conform to our wills, maybe the lesson is that we should change our outlook.

We can all look back on times we’ve fervently hoped and prayed for something to happen and things did not go the way we wanted. Years later, we look back with relief that it didn’t go as we wished. Sometimes God has something better in store for us.

Even if God does move in great and miraculous ways, you may not see it if you’re not looking. Is there a time in your past when you saw God’s hand in your life? Do you have a journal describing a time when you felt blessed by God?

Have you ever written your prayer requests in your Bible? If you can look back and know God was there for you in the past, it can help you to trust Him in your present circumstances and can direct your future. And the decisions you make now will dictate the memories you’ll look back on tomorrow.

Read more by Kim Knight at…ock-of-widowhood/

Check out Kim Knight’s book at Widow’s Might: Embracing Life after the Loss of Your Spouse – An Encouraging Book for Widows Dealing with Grief and Loss: Knight, Kim: 9781424551118: Books

Kim Knight

Widow’s Might is Kim Koeneman Knight’s first book. Kim holds as Master of Education in Office Administration/Business Education and taught business skills at the college level for many years. She was once named the Colorado Business Skills Teacher of the Year by the Colorado Private School Association, KMGH-TV, and The Denver Post. Kim has appeared on nationally and internationally syndicated radio and television shows and has served as the keynote speaker for numerous investment seminars and Christian retreats. Kim lived in Phoenix from 2006 – 2014 and was very active at Mountain Park Community Church, where she led the Women’s Ministry and the Career Transition Team and served on the Board of Servant Leaders. In 2014 Kim moved to Dana Point, California, where she served on the Women’s Leadership Team at Capo Beach Church. Kim moved to Naples, Florida, in 2020 and provides resume writing and interviewing skills guidance as an ongoing ministry. She leads a women’s Bible study and has taken on her favorite role of “Kiki”—grandma to her darling granddaughter, Elliott.

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