Willingness in Grief

Willingness means the state of being prepared to do something, readiness. But here’s the thing you may not have been ready for a loved one dying. Your mind will ask the incessant questions…

Why now? Is that time predicted? Do we have a destiny? Why did God let my family member pass away? I miss them so much, did they go to heaven? Are we ever ready for the death of a loved one?

Let that hang in the air for a second or two. Old or young, terminal or not. It seems like our human brains are not equipped for our loved ones not to leave this earth. Plus, it is not accepted by our society, yet it is truly a part of life. We want those we love to stay with us forever. I understand, I really do because I wasn’t ready either.

I briefly worked in an ICU as an End of Life Specialist. It was very different then visiting those in hospice who are anticipating their loved ones dying. We help people who are in hospice to prepare. We bring education and try to take out the scary, soften the blow that their loved one is leaving this earth.

After they pass, time is surreal. Hospice will help the family for one year if the family wants help. All hospices do this service and it doesn’t cost a thing. If people are willing it helps a lot. There is that word again, willing, think of willingness as doing the dishes. If they pile up, it can get pretty bad, and if you leave them sit to long it’s even harder.

In my experience working with many families I feel that the less known or accepting about death, the harder the grieving process is. One can keep asking the questions to God or whatever your belief is, but still the hurt can stay for quite some time.

If you are reading this, you are grieving someone. I am truly sorry for your loss because I know your heart is struggling. When will this end? How long will I be sad? Stop crying every day? Most of the time the bigger the love the harder the grief.

Here’s the thing I know for sure: Grieving is hard work. If you’re willing to feel all of it, the anger, the sadness, the vulnerability and a host of other feelings, there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

With my own parents’ deaths, I felt lost.  Every now and then, I still feel like I don’t have a home. I have realized through the years that home is in my heart. It is not the outside world. I can still get pretty sad about it when I miss them. That makes me a human that loved her parents dearly. What’s interesting when I work with my seniors they can talk about their own parents like they died yesterday. These are 80- and 90-year old folks! That says a lot. If grief can move it can change. Remember though the soul needs to be willing.

Whether it feels like it or not, it was their time to depart this earth. Today you are here and alive on this earth. Live and be willing to grieve one step at a time. Yet, while you’re here reap those gifts that will be found in your grieving process by being willing to embrace all of it.

Peace to you, and blessings on your journey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nina Impala

More Articles Written by Nina

NINA IMPALA is a highly intuitive multifaceted individual. This she combines with professional education in the End-of-Life Field. Certified by The American Academy of Bereavement for Spiritual Facilitation for the Terminally Ill, Nina also holds a BA in Human Services, is a graduate of Mueller College of Holistic Studies, Author of Dearly Departed What I Learned About Living From the Dying, and a Reiki Master Teacher. Currently she is the Bereavement Coordinator and Counselor for Gentiva Hospice in San Diego, California. For well over 19 years Nina has worked passionately in the hospice field using her gifts visiting the dying and educating families. In addition to working with hospice patients and their families Nina has also assisted families through tragic deaths. Nina works passionately helping them to understand that as much as we would like to have all the answer to the big questions accepting that we don't can be a big hurdle. Nina feels,finding peace in these situations is the greatest gift you can give to another human being. Nina lives in the San Diego area and can be reached at [email protected]

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  • Helen G says:

    I have lived in hope and faith for many years now. I understand loss, our end of life process from dealing with so much loss at the age of 17 starting with my parents. But, it is still hard in dealing with the loss of a child still after so many years. October through December is so hard for many reasons not just because the holidays are about to start. It is time to stay busy, connect with the Compassionte Friends website which helps me to share and read of others feelings and pain. Today I can only offer my experience and encouragement with these friends. As the next few months pass, I release what I feel, but also know the pain will pass as it has in the last 31 years this month. Faith knowing this will pass helps, now as a caregiver I can use my enery, light, experience to help another. As I believe we are one, offering your light to another, will surely brighten your own light!