my Sonshine taked away….

On Jan,16,2007 my Mom passed away from lung cancer(6 mths after diagnoses), Than tragically my 22 yr old Son passed away on Sept.07.2009, than 2 mnths later my 43 cousin passed(suicide), than just this past November 26,2010 my only brother passed away(apparent suicide,suspicious death).I am more than beside myself…the only thing that is keeping me alive is My 19 yr old Son, he is the sun shine of my Life and one would think that would be enough to move forward. I feel guilty about the way I have been coping and would think that I would smarten up and stop being so selfis?.But it is the only way I know, It takes the pain away temporarily. My heart is severed….the loss of my Son was the end of me and the events that took place after his passing were unbelievable. Put it this way…I still do not have my Sons ashes, His girlfriend at the time offered to hold them for me. I had just left an abusive relationship and unbenounced to me at the time had a tumor in my throat(diagnosed july,2010)so I was not well..anyway, I have been trying to get his ashes for almost 2 yrs now. She also has all of his belongings(which she now says she no longer has)I have been nice to her to keep the peace even though I found out that at the time of his death she was cheating on him with his best friend and that is just apart of what took place. She has managed to convince many people including family members that some how I am a bad person.She deliberatley made me late for his funeral ,she was supposed to pick me up and suddenly forgot to,than turned around and said “My God what kind of a mother would be late for her own Sons funeral?”The only person that stuck up for me was my cousin(the one that shortly after committed suicide) , everybody said it was none of their business. Now, she tells me on Facebook(the only way I can contact her) that I am mentally ill and will probably lose my Sons ashes, because I tried to defend myself and have justice in what took place(long and painful story)but because of the tumor in my throat I had no voice.Now she says I am not to contact her and she will drop off the ashes when she is good and ready. I m weak ,I have no voice, I was a single Mom for all those years and did the best job I knew how. Every person that has met my two Sons said they were very loving,kind,polite and well rounded boys(I must have done something right), the conclusion to my Story is that my Son always wanted his father is his life…because his father had 5 children after we split he was unable to pay child support, so 80% of Sheldons Life he was not to be found. I never put his father down and encouraged thier relationship, when he was around. I was shocked to find out after applying for funding for his funeral that just shortly before he passed away he put his father down as his next of kin (He wanted his dad to be proud and a part of his life),I was denied the funding.His father got $50 thousand dollars and refused to pay for the funeral.help me..

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