October 12, 2006 Death of an Adult Child – Natalie Smith-Blakeslee

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Death of an Adult Child
Hosts:? Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley
With guest:? Natalie Smith-Blakeslee
October 12, 2006
G:?Hello, I?m Dr. Gloria Horsley.? Welcome to Healing the Grieving Heart.? If you?re listening today to Thursday, our live Internet show, please join Heidi and me on the show by calling our toll-free number 1-866-472-5792 with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life.? This show is a show of hope and renewal for those who have suffered the loss of a child or a sibling or a grandchild and always our message is others have been there and made it before you and you can make it too.? You do not walk alone.? These shows are archived on our website, www.healingthegrievingheart.org and on the www.thecompassionatefriends.org websites.? They also can be downloaded through Itunes and we are on selected radio stations.? You can go to our website, www.healingthegrievingheart.org, to look up what stations we?re on.? Well, Heidi, good morning.?
H:?Good morning, mom.
G:?It?s good to talk to you this morning.? Before we introduce our guest, I think you want to talk about some events that went on in New York yesterday and then we have some email.
H:?I do.? As most of the listeners know, I live here in midtown Manhattan and yesterday, unfortunately, Cory Lidle, who is a New York Yankees pitcher, accidentally crashed into a high-rise building and he was killed.? I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to his family and to his siblings.? Last night, on ?Larry King Live,? his twin brother was on and he was amazing.? And I think right now he?s being strong for his parents, which is what we do as siblings.? We step up and we?re strong for our parents initially after the death of our sibling and, in this case, a twin brother.? It?s heartbreaking.
G:?Yeah, quite a thing, and for somebody to be on, I?m sure he?s in shock, to be able to come on the next day is pretty incredible.? So, I wanted to go over an email with you and also some of the answers to these emails are on the blog.? You can go to our website and look at our new blog.? And we?re just getting used to this and we?re hoping to get a little more user-friendly blog so that you can all blog in and comment to each other and we have great hopes and expectations for this.? So we got an email, Heidi, from a woman, Kim, who said that her son was killed 2.5 years ago and that he took his own life while coming off of anti-depressants.? And she says the problem is, and she wanted to comment on it, is that she wonders if it?s normal.? Trevor?s friend is getting married and she feels like she?s totally regressing and getting very upset and she thought she was living alone with her grief.? Do you have a thought on that for Kim?
H:?I think it?s very normal.? I think every time an event happens that your child will never experience such as his wedding, the wedding of a friend, and that happens, you grieve.? You grieve the loss of the wedding you?ll never go to.? You?ll grieve the loss of the grandkids you?ll never have.? You grieve all these things what brings up what you?ve lost.? It brings up strong feelings of grief and it?s very very normal.
G:?Absolutely, and I comment on that on our blog.? One of the things I say to Kim is sometimes it takes about four times and the wedding of a friend is the first time for her so you will regress and it?s really what happens.
H:?Right, and like you said, mom, over time you?ll always have those grief feelings and those feelings of pain but you will rebound faster as time goes on.? Like you said, you?ll be able to get through it faster the next time.? You?ll rebound a little faster from your grief from your regression.
G:?Absolutely.? Okay, then we have another one from Jamie who is the co-editor of the St. Louis Chapter of Bereaved Parents U.S.A.?s newsletter.? I love this email.? It was so wonderful because her child died only four months ago.? She said:
Your radio show is probably the most consistent support I have.? I can curl up next to my laptop when needed.? I thank you both from the bottom of my heart for designing and hosting these shows.
And she asks us a question ? the email goes on, it?s a lovely email.? And she asks us the question, she recently found a lump in her breast and she said she?s found it before and she?s been very upset but this time it made her giddy and she is concerned about that and what do we think about that?
H:?Well, I think the pull to the grave is strong and the idea of joining your child ? you desperately want to join your child and your sibling after a death.? I wanted to join Scott so bad even though you know it?s not possible, that?s where you want to be ? reunited with them.
G:?Absolutely.? Yeah, and it?s not like you really want to lose your life.? It?s just the idea.
H:?Of being reunited and seeing that person again.? And I love the visual of her curling up next to the computer.
G:?I do, too, it?s wonderful.? And also, by the way everyone, she did go to her gynecologist and her doctor and she is taking care of this.? We want to hear that.? It?s one thing to feel that giddy or whatever but the other thing is you do need to take action to take care of your health because it is a traumatic thing.? Heidi, do you have one more comment about an email?
H:?Yes, I did.? It was an email from someone named Kim.? I don?t know if it was the same email.? I think it was the same email.
G:?It might be.? I think it was a different one she sent me.
H:?Okay, and it talked about how her husband is listening to all the shows on his Ipod to and from work.? They are really helping him and he even initiates talking about their son.
G:?Yeah, it?s great.? And getting people to listen to these shows brings in kind of a different perspective and it depersonalizes it.? You can talk about somebody else and find things from that area.? Okay, well, Heidi, let?s move on and would you introduce our guest today?
H:?Sure, I?d love to.? Our topic today is the Death of an Adult Child, and our guest is Natalie Smith-Blakeslee.? For more than ten years Natalie has connected parents with the children they have lost with her ?Messages from the Light.?? She thought she understood what it was like for a parent to lose a child.? She had no clue until her 27-year-old daughter, Carrie, passed from leukemia on October 2, 2005. Just nine short months after her daughter?s passing, she is driven to help other bereaved parents who endure the same loss through a website she made in memory of Carrie called ?Healing Hearts Haven.?? Welcome to the show, Natalie.
N:?Thank you.
G:?Hi Natalie.? Welcome, and my goodness.? This has been such a short time for you.? It?s just incredible to have you on the show.? It?s going to be a great thing for our newly bereaved people out there.
N:?Carrie?s first anniversary of her passing was Monday, October 2.
G:?Wow.
H:?Oh, my goodness, so it?s just been one year.
N:?Yeah.
G:?And how was that year for you for our folks out there?? The date.? What did you do and how did you deal with it?
N:?Well, the date of her passing, I got together with a girlfriend and we went out to lunch and, of course, visited the cemetery early morning and asked for any signs from Carrie, and I remember distinctly Carrie saying, I could hear her say to me, ?You?re not going to hear what you need to hear on that station,? so I changed the radio station, and it wasn?t until after I needed to jump in the car and go to lunch with my girlfriend and the song was playing as I started the car.
G:?Ah, that is amazing, yes.
H:?And what song was it?
N:??Live Like You Were Dying,? Tim McGraw.
G:?With so many of us and so many of our listeners music is such an important thing and way of connecting.? It?s really great.? Tell me about the year.? Was she sick for a year?? She had leukemia.
N:?We actually suspected this around May of 2004, officially diagnosed the holiday weekend, that Friday before the holiday weekend 2004, and we lost her October 2005.
H:?That was really quick.
N:?Yes, it was.
G:?Now, you have a little grandchild by her.
N:?Yeah, Mulligan is eight years old and she looks just like her mama.
H:?Oh, that?s such a great gift.
N:?Yeah, she?s beautiful.
H:?So what?s gotten you through it?? You?re only at the first year.? I?m so struck by this, I?ve got to tell you.? I know my mom is, too.? What has gotten you through the first year?
N:?I think my faith and my knowledge in what I believe that Carrie is in heaven and the signs that I?ve gotten from her.
G:?Now, I wanted to talk to you about your grieving parents wishes that you wrote.? I know we?re going to have a couple of callers so I wanted to make sure that we were able to talk about some of these things.? You?ve written some really marvelous things and I would suggest that people go to your website, www.loveandlight.com, because you have some wonderful things and one of them I really liked was your grieving parents wishes.? And the first that?s on it, I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child?s name.? Could you talk about that?
N:?So many are.? Even my own family.? I remember picking my mother up from work and I mentioned Carrie and my mom changed the subject.? Sometimes it?s very difficult for other family members because they don?t know how the bereaved mom will act or how my family thinks that I?ll react to all this.? Will it put me in tears and, oh gosh, what will they do next?
G:?Right, and they really don?t need to do anything, do they?
N:?They don?t.? They don?t need to do anything.? It can be as emotional as you?re laughing one minute and crying the next or laughing or crying at the same time.
H:?And people are so afraid that you?re going to fall apart and I think you say at one point, ?It?s okay if we have tears.? It?s okay if we cry.?
N:?Yes, exactly.
H:?And the crying and emotional outbursts are healing.? I like that comment you made about that.? I think that?s a positive thing for folks out there to think about then is healing.
N:?Yeah, I did.? I had one person in my life that told me that, ?well, your daughter?s gone now.? I don?t want to hear about her no more.?? And that was probably one of the cruelest things that I had ever heard and I said, ?Then I don?t want to hear about your living children.?? And that?s not me to be as sarcastic back but I was so abruptly hurt by all of that that you know, you don?t want to hear about my daughter, her life may have ended October 2, 2005.? Your children live on.? I should still have that every right to talk about my daughter and all of my children.
G:?And what I?m hearing from you is a little bit of anger about it which I think is great because I think that?s one of the things that we do deal with is a certain amount of anger and maybe we can talk about that when we come back from break.? It?s time to go on break now and I?m your host, Dr. Gloria Horsley, and you?re listening to Healing the Grieving Heart.? You can go to our website at www.healingthegrievingheart.org to hear more about our show and to look at our archive shows.? They are also archived on the www.thecompassionatefriends.org website.? You can also download them through Itunes, and we are happy to have on our show today, Natalie Smith-Blakeslee and she?s talking to us today about her wonderful daughter, who passed away.
H:?Welcome back to Healing the Grieving Heart.? I?m your co-host, Dr. Heidi, with my mom and host, Dr. Gloria.? Our topic today is Death of an Adult Child, and our guest is Natalie Smith-Blakeslee.? For more than ten years Natalie has connected parents with the children they have lost with her ?Messages from the Light.?? Natalie?s 27-year-old daughter, Carrie, died from leukemia on October 2, 2005.? Just nine short months after her daughter?s passing, she is driven to help other bereaved parents who endure the same loss through a website she made in memory of Carrie called ?Healing Hearts Haven.?? Welcome back to the show, Natalie and Gloria.
G:?Thanks, Heid.? I was just thinking with that introduction you put it?s nine short months but it?s longer now.? When Natalie and I came up with that, right, Natalie, it had only been nine months.? That?s why we?re saying that.
H:?And now it?s just twelve short months, right?
G:?Yeah, October 2, the anniversary, and we were talking about what Natalie did and how she got the song on the radio when she was leaving the cemetery, Natalie?
N:?Actually, I was leaving the house to go have lunch with a friend of mine, my girlfriend, and we were going to go out and keep me busy for the rest of the day until my almost six year old came home from school.
G:?Yeah, keeping busy.? Is that one of the things you suggest to folks out there?
N:?Keep busy.? Stay with someone or be with someone that understands the grief.?
H:?I like that.? I?ve got to say, Natalie, I?m stuck on the fact that your friend obviously had no clue about grief and didn?t understand.? And we were saying at break that I think your friend gets the worst comment award.
G:?Heidi, can you tell the audience what it was because some folks might have just tuned in.
H:?The comment Natalie?s friend made was, ?I don?t ever want to hear about Carrie again,? wasn?t that how he said it?
N:?That?s exactly how he said it.? He said that he should be able to talk about his children.? His children were living and since Carrie was gone, out of sight out of mind type of thing.? I don?t want to hear about her.
H:?That is absolutely the worst comment I have ever heard.? That?s horrible.? That?s hideous.? We were also talking about anger and how we have a legitimate right to have anger when people say insensitive comments, and I always say any comment that starts with ?at least,? needs not to be said.? At least he didn?t suffer.? At least you have other children.? At least you have other siblings.? It?s like, just stop talking.? As soon as you hear ?at least,? they?re very insensitive.? They?re not helpful.
N:?If there are other children, and I do have two other daughters, still Carrie was an individual.? Carrie was herself and there is no one, no one at all like Carrie in the world.
G:?Oh, I love that.
H:?She was unique.
G:?Natalie, we were talking about that worst comment award, I really think that there should be one for that, and I?m sure all of our folks, if anybody wants to write in worst comments to the blog, certainly feel free because it?s good to get them out there, and I was saying to Natalie during the break, I love the fact that she can talk about anger.? I wanted to go to your grieving parent wishes a little bit.? One thing I wanted to say, too, was you get new friends, don?t you?? You were saying you gave up the friendship with this man who made that comment to you.
N:?Exactly.
G:?But we?ve got new ones that come in, right?
N:?You gravitate towards people like with the Healing Hearts Haven group, I find myself very gravitated towards those ladies.? A lot of them have more years on me in their grief with the loss of their children, but some of them are still, they?re coming in two, three, and four months into their grief.? I feel like I?m still the new kid on the block but they call me the mother hen, so.
H:?So everyone?s at different stages in a way, and in different places, I should say.? Some people are further along in their journey.
G:?And as Kim was saying in her email at the beginning, you can have regression times, too, where it?s not a steady process.
H:?And I think it scares people sometimes because they?re thinking I should be in a certain place which isn?t necessarily true because there?s no place that you should or shouldn?t be.? They all of a sudden become overwhelmed with these feelings of grief and they?re thinking, ?Wait a minute.? What?s going on here?? Am I back where I used to be initially where I couldn?t get out of bed??? It?s scary.
N:?I found that with me I was doing okay after the holidays and then when her birthday came up in August, I started noticing that I was forgetting things again.? I?m going, oh, no, we?re back to square one where I was in the first three to four months.
G:?And sometimes that can come a few days before an event, too.
N:?Yeah.
G:?So that kind of sneaks up on you because you don?t want to focus on their birthday or whatever but yet strange things are happening.?
N:?Oh, I?ve often said, if I could just go to sleep for a couple of days before her anniversary were passing, I would have liked that and then there are many other bereaved parents that have said the same thing.
G:?Right, and then we have some sneaky things that are coming up now.? Like it?s October.? Halloween?s coming up.? What did you did with your child, too?? Particularly the folks out there that have younger kids.? You may have to make a plan of who you?re going to have answer the door, if you?re going to be home, or what you?re going to do.
H:?Right, and what that?s going to bring up when you see children coming to your door in costume and that would have been your child in a costume trick-or-treating.
N:?Even with adult children, I think back.? Carrie wore my first Halloween costume.? My mom had it put away.? It was the first one that I wore so I put it on Carrie and I?ll think of that on Halloween.
G:?Absolutely.
H:?Definitely.
G:?Do you still have it?
N:?Yes.
G:?Maybe you?ll want to do something with it?? Can your granddaughter wear any of it or would you want not that to happen?
N:?Oh, my granddaughter?s eight.? She?s a little too big.? It?s a little too small.
G:?All right.? Again, I wanted to go to your grieving parents wish list that you have on your website, www.lightandlove.com, and one of the things you say is, I will have highs and lows, and you?re saying, I wish you wouldn?t think that if I have a good day, my grief is over or if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.
H:?I love that.
G:?I thought that was just really excellent.
H:?That people were passing judgments to a certain extent on how you are.
G:?Right.
N:?If I start crying, my mom says, ?You?re just not dealing with it,? or I?ve heard, ?You need to be over it by now.?
H:?If you?re crying, maybe you are dealing with it.
N:?Yeah, that?s my way of dealing with it.
G:?Usually when people say things like that, they?re not dealing with it.? They can?t deal with the situation.
H:?And I?ve said so many times, you never get over this.? You learn to live with it.? There?s no getting over a child or a sibling.? We don?t want to get over them.? They?re part of our lives.? They?re a part of who we are.? We want to incorporate them into our lives and continue bonds with them.
N:?Exactly.
G:?Another comment you made which I love from your parents wish list is, ?Being a bereaved parent,? and I will say also a bereaved sibling or a grandparent, ?is not contagious so I wish you wouldn?t shy away from me.?
H:?And, mom, do you remember what you did when people started fleeing from you?
G:?We got a dog.
H:?A little puppy.
G:?I had a fourteen-year-old and it brought her friends to us rather than having them avoid us.? So, yeah, it?s not contagious but people do get scared, don?t you think, Natalie.
N:?Exactly, I know when I called my girlfriend.? We had gone through everything together.? We had our children within two months of each other.? We had been friends for 26 years.? When I called her and told her that there was no more hope for Carrie and that we were going to lose her, I called three times.? She never returned my phone call, and finally admitted at the funeral home, she said to me, ?I was just afraid I was going to lose one of mine.?
G:?And those things hurt so much.
N:?And I said, ?But I needed you.?
G:?It hurts so much when our friends aren?t there for us.? We?ve talked to a lot of teens about that, too, haven?t we Heidi?
H:?Yeah, well, and I love when people just come up and say, ?I don?t know what to say.? I don?t know what to do or what to say.? I don?t know how to behave.?? And I love that.? I?m like, that?s all I need to hear is that you?re not sure what to do and so therefore you?re not around me.? There?s nothing you can do.? Just be with me and don?t flee when you see me.
G:?Right.
N:?It?s better to have somebody not say anything at all than say something false, fake, or something that doesn?t belong in character.
H:?Right.? Exactly.? Someone at Compassionate Friends said, ?Before I lost my son, I used to send a condolence card, and now I send myself.?? And that?s what we want.? We want to see people around us.
G:?And you know, you don?t have to do anything.? Well, I guess we should be saying to those folks out there, we?re telling you what you need, but how do we deal with the people who do this?? What do you do with them?
H:?What do you mean?? Who run away?
G:?Yeah, and Natalie?s mother.? What do I do if my mother is making nasty comments?? I don?t know.? How have you handled it, Natalie?? Do you have any suggestions for these early bereavers out there?
N:?Well, my mom had said something about how Carrie and I didn?t get along and that was supposed to make me feel better I think she thought.? You know how there was different times that we locked horns.? Well,
H:?Which is normal.
N:?Please tell me the two of you, exactly
H:?I was going to say, it?s totally normal.? That?s part of a functional relationship.
N:?Exactly, between mothers and daughters.? She thought that would help, I guess, to make me feel better about it and I said, you know, you just didn?t know the Carrie that I knew, and I really don?t think it?s fair that you pass judgment.? And that?s what I said.? I?ve learned to be outspoken, but saying it in a nice way but getting my point across because I think the more if I hold it in inside, I?m just going to blow up and say something to the point where I wouldn?t want it to be to somebody who didn?t deserve it.? I think you can say something with respect to somebody and say, ?Excuse me, but I think that hurts my feelings.? I know that hurt my feelings.?
G:?Well some people we?re just going to have to move on from and some people we can?t because they?re family members and we do have to try to figure out some strategies to keep things going.? I think journaling can be helpful.? Talking to other people.
H:?Teaching people what we need, what our needs are.
G:?We need to teach people what we need, don?t you think, Natalie?? Not everyone knows.? We?re coming up on a break.?
Welcome back, Natalie.? We?ve got a caller but before they come on, I just wanted to ask you, I know you said that you worked with families who have lost children before Carrie died and you said that you really weren?t in touch with the whole thing.? What is your thought about that?? How have things changed for you?
N:?So much that I didn?t understand then that I thought that I did.? I thought I knew since, and I use the phrase, ?I jumped in in the shoes of a bereaved parent and jumped back out,? and I make reference to that because my 5-1/2 year old Allie, she died six hours after she was born and they brought her back.? So that gut-wrenching pain and stab in the heart that you feel when you lose a child, I felt that for a split moment until they resuscitated her.? I thought I?d surely had an understanding of that.? I didn?t.? I didn?t until I lost Carrie.
H:?But you didn?t understand the depth of that pain.
N:?Yeah, the ongoing.? I had to jump back out of those shoes when Allie was resuscitated.? When we lost Carrie, we lost so much more.? You can?t jump back out of those shoes again.? She?s gone and we can?t bring her back.
G:?Right, and you so want to.? I sometimes talk about grief as being a huge tantrum because we?ve been told that if you want something badly enough, you can get it, and we just can?t get that.
N:?One thing you can?t control, can you?
G:?Absolutely not.
H:?It?s true, you can read all the books in the world about the pain of losing a sibling, losing a child, but until you?ve been there, you don?t really 100 percent get how enormous and how deep it is.
G:?I think it?s such a physical thing, too, not just a mental process.? Well we?ve got a guest call in right now.? I believe it?s a friend of yours, Dennis Spalding, and he?s written a book, I believe, My Search for the Afterlife.? Dennis, welcome to the show.
D:?Good morning, Gloria, or I should say afternoon.? It?s morning here in Seattle.? Gloria, Heidi, and Natalie, how are you doing?
G:?Good.? Nice to have you on the show, and it?s great to have Natalie on.? I understand you?re a bereaved parent also.
D:?That?s correct.? I lost my son, Sean, in 1993 in a single-car auto accident so I?ve been dealing with this for almost 14 years now.?
G:?Do you have any thoughts?? Have you been listening to the show?
D:?I just tuned in here about ten minutes ago so I was working, had to take a break.
G:?Well, I have to tell you.? I was telling Natalie we really position this show for people who are newly bereaved for the last couple of years and some of our folks are even newly bereaved only weeks or even days and our message is, we?ve made it and so can you.? It?s a tough process, isn?t it?
D:?Very tough.? Once I found out that he had died, my ex-wife at the time had called me on the telephone.? I had just talked with him the previous Friday.? She calls me on a Monday with nothing to set it up.? She?s got this distinct accent.? She was from Trinidad, and I recognized her voice, and she goes, ?Dennis??? And I go, ?Yeah, what?s going on??? She says, ?I just wanted to call and tell you Sean?s dead.??
H:?Wow, that?s a shock.
D:?No emotion, and you talk about the world opening up, swallowing you, and your heart being ripped and just thrown for this catastrophic loop.? Just imagine hearing that over the phone one time.? So I was basically shut down for four years.? I didn?t want to talk about it not even with the children.?
G:?That?s pretty typical of a male, isn?t it?
D:?Yeah, I believe so.? We try to handle it within ourselves, try to get your focus, try to get your life back on track again.? My daughter, she wanted to investigate more.? Well, what caused that accident since it was a single-car accident?? He died instantly.? He hit the concrete pillar of a bridge and I was, ?No.?? I said, ?He?s dead.? He?s gone.? I can?t bring him back.? Drop it.?? And that lasted about four years.
G:?And then what happened?
D:?Well, then I decided I wanted to face my ghost.? I wanted to find my son.? And that?s when my spiritual search began.? My two best friends were the library and the book stores.? I read everything I could on spirituality.? And I started growing from that process.? It?s talked about in the book.? It starts out basic notes that I was taking at the time and I kind of made a journal out of it for myself and then at about 80 pages, I started thinking well, wait, maybe I can help other people that have gone through this process.?
G:?Okay, now, tell me, I want our audience to know, particularly the guys out there, this is four years later.? Have you got any advice for these guys that are in the first year?? I know you waited.? Would you suggest that they get help or maybe go to Compassionate Friends, or a bereaved parent group or go on line, or write something.? I don?t know.? What kinds of advice would you have for these guys?
D:?Any organization that helps a bereaved parent where you can get more information to realize you are not the only one that has suffered or is suffering at that time.? Anything that?s going to help you move forward in that grief, it?s a benefit.? I kind of stalled around a little bit.? I did go to a couple of meetings, Compassionate Friends and stuff like that, and yes, it was helpful in some ways and then in other ways, I felt I could handle this grief on my own, you know, you?re a proud male and all this stuff.
G:?Would you suggest to them, try to open up a little more to it than you did, or do you feel good with how you did it?
D:?I feel really good now, how I did it.? It could have happened a little sooner but I think my process helped me.? It gave me a basis on the insight to make myself stronger to face what I knew I was going to have to face or things that were going to be presented to me and so forth.
G:?Right, well, listen, Dennis, it?s time for us to go to break now, and Dennis Spalding?s book is My Search for the Afterlife.? You might want to pick it up and thanks a lot for calling in, Dennis.
We have a call-in.? This is our last break so we want to speed along here.? Sheila from Delaware.
S:?Hi, how are you?
G:?Hi.? Welcome to the show.?
S:?Thank you.
G:?Did you have a comment or a question?
S:?Yes.? I?ve just joined Natalie?s group, Healing Hearts Haven.? I lost my son, my only child, Matt, on 9/11.? He was working at the Pentagon, and thanks to Natalie, I?ve also found your show now that I?m going to be listening to quite often.? I felt all these feelings where people don?t want to talk about, if you mention Matt?s name, people try and change the subject.? I just can?t understand why anybody wouldn?t want to let us talk.
G:?Yeah, Natalie, do you have a comment for her on that?
N:?Well, that?s why I created the group, Sheila, and the moms there and there are some dads there, also, you know, to be able to talk about our feelings and we know when one of us is having a bad day.? Either we?re on a lot or we?re not on at all, and just making sure checking in with everybody.? And I?m glad that you?re at Healing Hearts Haven, hon.
S:?Oh, I?m glad.? Like I said, I just joined and I?m having a little bit of tough time today because it?s my birthday and then Matt?s birthday comes up in November.
G:?Well, happy birthday, and we?re so glad you called in today and thanks so much, Sheila, and keep in touch, and I?m glad to hear that you?re involved with Natalie.? That?s great.
S:?Oh, I sure will, and thank you.
G:?Ah, that?s wonderful, Natalie.? Natalie, this is our last break, and I want to know if there?s anything that you feel like we?ve missed, want to talk about your site, or whatever?
N:?Just wanted to mention www.loveandlife.com, and you can find some of the links there for Healing Hearts Haven, and for the TV show that I do.? There?s also a chat that if moms and dads are bereaved parents, they can join the chat.? We get together and we talk.? We also have guest speakers that come into the chat room and help with grief and the way that we?re feeling so some of those are coming up.
G:?Now how do they find your chat room, Natalie?
N:?The chat room, actually, because msn has stopped theirs, is at the TV show website which is www.Messagesfromthelighttv.com.
G:?Okay, great.? And your show?s in Pennsylvania, is that right??
N:?Yes, it is.
G:?Shown live there, and they can also buy a CD of it from your show?
N:?DVD, yes.
G:?And a DVD from your website?
N:?Yes.
G:?Okay, great.? Well, it?s been great having you on the show today and it?s just been wonderful to talk to you and I love all the good work you?re doing.? And, again, Heidi, are we amazed that it?s been a year?
H:?I am completely blown away that you?re here talking, Natalie, about Carrie, and thank you so much because it gives people a voice for someone who?s only a year down the road.?
N:?Well, thank you, and I?ve enjoyed talking about Carrie.? I know that it helps all of us bereaved parents and bereaved siblings to talk about our grief and the people that we?ve lost.
G:?Absolutely.? Well, it?s time to close our show and I want to thank again, Natalie, for being on the show.
H:?And you?re going to have Natalie read something, right, mom?
G:?You?re right.? Okay, Natalie, would you close with your comment?? It?s beautiful.
N:?To my daughter, Carrie.? I continue to miss you, my daughter.? But I smile with the knowledge that you are with me and I will see you one day when it is my time.? Mingle with the children whose mothers I have met because of you.? Help them to bring their moms and dads peace and messages, Carrie.? I love you.? Mom.
G:?Ah, thank you so much, Natalie, again.
H:?Very powerful, thank you Natalie.
G:?Please stay tuned again next week when we?ll discuss with Rod Colvin the death of his brother, Randy, from a long-term addiction.? Randy?s death inspired Rod, a former journalist, to write Prescription Drug Addiction?The Hidden Epidemic.? This show is archived on our website, www.healingthegrievingheart.org as well as www.thecompassionatefriends.org website.? Please stay tuned again next Thursday at 9:00 Pacific Standard Time, 12:00 Eastern, for more of Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and renewal and support.? Remember others have been there and made it, and so can you.? Thanks for listening.? I?m Dr. Gloria Horsley and
H:?I?m Dr. Heidi Horsley.? Carrie will never be forgotten and she continues to touch many lives today.? Thank you, Natalie.
N:?Thank you.

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