Widow Learning to ‘Just Be’

It’s funny about how you meet that special someone in your life at the most unexpected time.

I was getting my hair cut and colored one day without any thought other than, I really, really need to have my roots colored.   Picture this, a woman sitting in the hair salon chair with her hair sticking up as if she had stuck her finger in an electrical socket.  Now come on, this is supposed to be a place where you can look your worst so that you can look your best – right?

The woman who cuts and colors my hair was also working with a gentlemen sitting to the left of me. (He was preoccupied with his iPhone.)   I paid him little mind when, out of the blue, my hairdresser introduces me to the man.   After squirming with internal protest,  I put on a smile and politely said hello.    Then I quickly turned my head to my hairdresser and said, “ARE YOU CRAZY!”

Well, this man and I began to talk.  He liked my name, Laurel, and asked what color flower it was (clever pick-up line if I say so myself).  I carefreely said, “If you really want to know who I am, go to www.essenceoflaurel.com, my website,” knowing that it represented the woman I am today, including a picture of me without my hair standing up at all angles.

 

It took just a few seconds for this guy to go to my web site (thank you, iPhone.)  I watched in amazement, once he found the site, how he reacted to my art and poetry.  It seemed to startle him in a good way, and it was then that we actually began to talk.   We could have been at a coffee shop or having a glass of wine together; the imagery of where we were quickly faded away. It was what we were “seeing” in each other that piqued our interest.  And, it didn’t hurt that he had a velvet voice that went right through me.

The long and the short of it is that we did meet for dinner, then a movie, and then on and on and on.   What I was experiencing/feeling started to frighten me, because I wasn’t, repeat wasn’t, seeing any red flags or looking for someone.   Having spent the last year plus getting back on my feet after losing my husband, and building a new life for myself, I didn’t want to “lose my freedom.”

I was re-emerging and discovering the woman I am today, and didn’t want to go into a relationship that would sidetrack me on this journey. I had made new friends, discovered my creative spirit and spiritual side, and was incorporating joy back into my life.

Well folks, someone very important in my life said to me “Laurel, if you are afraid of losing your freedom, you are NOT TRULY FREE!” Then she added, “Just Be.

Those words said it all – I got it! So, I relaxed and decided to let the relationship and each day form itself as it is meant to be.   This man, whom I care very deeply about, is partnering with me in a wondrous way because he understands my need to keep true to my essence – the woman who has emerged today.   And, I understand that he needs to do the same for himself.

Romance in my 60s has a lot of unexpected benefits.   Time compresses, wisdom is stored within and called upon, and I have time to just be.   I thought I would be invisible after my husband’s death.   What I didn’t realize is that I just needed to look into the mirror of life and see me. The rest has been falling into place – one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

Just Be!

What follows is a poem I wrote after meeting my special someone.   I sent it to him so that he would understand the questions that I had about our relationship.

Can We ~ Will We?

 

You have entered my life in the most unexpected way

and at the most unforeseen time.

Dare I believe that, as we open our hearts and souls,

we can be together and yet separate at the same time?

Will we mirror back to each other with tenderness and acceptance?

Can I give myself to you without losing “Me?”

Will we treat one another’s spirit gently, offering comfort

and understanding without judgment?

Can we be trusting and quiet with each other ~

without fear, without boundaries?

Will your hold be filled with the strength and tenderness that I so desire?

When we lean back into each other’s arms, can we just “Be”?

If I let you into my world, and want you to stay,

will you understand my desire to take wing, to fly?

And, when I return, will you cup my heart

in open hands and be my nesting place?

Can we nurture each other, while listening

to the rhythm of one another’s soul music?

Can we play like butterflies flitting over a

flower-filled meadow, tasting each other’s nectar?

Or jump into a waterfall together,

experience delight, and bask in each other’s spirit?

Will our relationship be peaceful, filled with optimism

and the colors of a rainbow?

On this journey called “Life,” were we

supposed to meet and share our hearts?

Can I rest safely in your arms as we breathe together and apart?

Has our soul story just begun ~ will you make my heart “Sing?”

 

Laurel D. Rund 2011

Laurel D. Rund

More Articles Written by Laurel D.

It began in 2009 when a life-changing event transformed me into the woman I am today. Never could I have imagined that the death of my husband of 42 years would take me on a journey through loss and grief to a redefined sense of self. Death, an unexpected teacher, was my transformative metamorphosis. The slow and painful healing process unfolded my creativity and, in what I can only describe as a “new normal,” Essence of Laurel was born. "Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." Khalil Gibran My first book, “Emerging Voices” has a purpose ~ to serve as a journal and healing catalyst for anyone who has experienced a loss. The art and poetry within is a testimony as to what can happen when we acknowledge grief in all its forms. It allows for the discovery of a new perspective which will lead you on a journey of self-discovery and renewal. “Art from the Heart” has become my playground; a place where I can tap into my innermost creativity as an inspirational writer and artist. The surprise is that it came at a time when I thought that the next chapters in my life would be lonely; without purpose or passion. Instead I have been given the gift of a renewed sense of life, its possibilities and most importantly, an appreciation for living in the present moment. Our human experience, whether in a crisis or a life transition, continuously gives us the opportunity to learn and grow. We can choose to stay in a place of sorrow and regret, or embrace these life-altering experiences from which we can discover a new way of being. My hope is that my writing and ‘Art from the Heart’ touches and inspires you. Laurel

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