For many years, I was anything but my own best friend. I neglected, badgered, criticized and overindulged myself. It was much easier to be nicer and kinder to my friends than it was to myself.

Maturity and the experience of devastating loss, has taught me much. I now know that in grief or in fact, anytime in life, I am the only one who can look after me. Me, myself and I. Many times, I didn’t think I had time for me. I thought my needs weren’t as important as others in my life. I was too busy giving out to my family or work or whatever other demands I thought I had. Sometimes I expected others to give to me. I wanted them to fix me up, solve my problems and make me whole again.

Here is a list of 30 practical ideas you can use to kick start your own “How to be my own best friend” list:

1. Give yourself 15 minutes of your time to do with what you will each and every day.

2. Spend time in nature at least twice a week.

3. Buy a treat for you – something that you love to eat or drink.

4. Get some earphones and listen to mellow music in bed – stop the flashbacks and negative speak for a moment.

5. Hug someone you love.

6. Give yourself permission to smile or laugh without feeling guilty.

7. Think of yourself as a treasured friend, remember how you speak/act with him/her – be the same with yourself.

8. Tell yourself every single day “I am the strength that I need” – write it out if you need to.

9. Remove yourself from your pain and arrange to go to the movies with a friend – choose one that’s not too emotive.

10. Accept yourself right now, you are doing the very best that you can – self-compassion rules!

11. Rest frequently…grief and stress are exhausting.

12. Make a list of 6 things you enjoy (or used to) – make one of them part of your daily routine.

13. Buy some bath salts, light a candle and slip into a relaxing bath.

14. Go for a walk, run, ride or swim twice a week.

15. Take yourself out to your favourite cafe once a week.

16. Read something that gives you strength or inspiration each day.

17. Take time off work if you need to (there will be many ways you can do this if you choose).

18. Reach out for help – it shows just how strong you are.

19. Listen to your heart; it knows the way if you trust and listen.

20. Grieve in your own way and in your own time.

21. Go for a picnic.

22. Laugh with a child.

23. Re-read a favourite book.

24. Put on some music that makes you want to move. Then move.

25. Phone a friend.

26. Accept offers of help. Everyone needs a support crew.

27. Use your sense of smell, sound and touch around your home. Try burning fragrant candles in the lounge and bedroom. Put uplifting wallpaper on your phone or computer. Put a textured and soft throw rug on your lounge and snuggle.

28. Look after your physical health. It is something we often take for granted. Consider vitamin supplements as stress can adversely affect your immune system.

29. Avoid potentially stressful situations. Say No. It is one of your “Get out of jail free” cards.

30. Fill yourself up with “good” stuff most of all. Stop watching the news for one week if you find it too depressing.

Maureen Hunter 2011

Maureen Hunter

In 2006, Maureen Hunter was working in a small country town in Western Australia. It was a day like any other. That night her 18-year-old son was critically injured in a car accident, dying five days later in hospital. That experience was to change her life forever. Working for many years as a Registered Nurse in acute care settings and palliative care, as well as losing both her parents to cancer, Maureen believed she understood what grief was. That was until she lost her youngest son. Reeling from that sudden and devastating loss, she spent a month away to process her grief and allow herself some healing time. During long periods of contemplation and reflection, it became very clear to her then that she would use her own experience of grief to help others. Maureen is now committed to doing just that through her website, www.esdeer.com. She provides comfort, hope and inspiration through her writings and Stepping through Grief resources and programs. She writes regularly on grief, healing, resilience and spirituality and is the creator of “Stepping through Grief: the 7 Steps Pathway,” a step-by-step process which helps individuals step through grief to find meaning in their lives once more. Recently interviewed on blog talk radio, Maureen shares her experiences of grief openly with others and is passionate about using her own experience to make a difference to those struggling with the loss of a loved one. She is a regular contributor to The Compassionate Friends local newsletter as well as being a phone contact in her local area for bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents. Living in the beautiful southwest wine region of Western Australia with her partner, Maureen enjoys the magic of sandy white beaches, ocean waves and a glass of chilled white wine. She says, “In nature, my soul is stilled and I find in times of contemplation my creativity emerges. If what I write and share with others, helps them in any way, then that is what matters most to me, that is what inspires and motivates me. As I enjoy the inherent beauty of this part of the world, I know that Stuart is there with me, by my side, guiding and supporting.” If grief has touched your life, or someone you know, please accept this FREE inspirational guide with my love: “Opening the Door to Hope….Helping you Step through Grief" at www.esdeer.com/hope For more information about Maureen’s Stepping through Grief resources and programs, visit www.esdeer.com

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