“Control yourselves!”

How many times did my little brother and I hear that from our parents growing up? As we got older, no one expressed those sentiments to us because we had somewhat “learned” as children to control ourselves through parents, schools, jobs and relationships.

I think there has to be some sort of balance between powers over one’s self or others. Not that we want utter chaos, but we have become a world of absolutes. It’s funny we start out these pure heavenly spirit babies and end being taught to relate to everything from a sense of control over reality.

We cannot control what happens to our families and ourselves and are confused when loss envelops us. We say, “We did everything right and we still lost a child. Why?”

We, who have lost children, know there are no absolute rules in life. When someone dies something unique happens. When we go over and over the reasons why we lost a child and try to think of how we could have changed the outcome. That thinking goes back to being taught to control the situation. Now we see first hand that when it comes to matters of the spirit we are never in control.

It is then that we realize everything was backward, that all those concrete messages of this earth, the cause and effect lessons go by the wayside and only spirit stands, concrete thinking becomes the illusion. Sometimes our busy, hectic lives push our spirit to the background.

Our children came to this world for their own reasons. When we are feeling helpless and need reassurance this is the time we should reach up past the lessons of control. Sit in spirit through meditation or prayer. Know that you are always in your Higher Self’s care.

We already have all we need, we are first and foremost spiritual beings but we must shift our awareness and reach past our certainties here. Our physical being is only a tiny sum of who we are in the whole picture. We are so much more. We are energy, we are spirit, and we are a beautiful soul who happens to live in a physical body. We must take our journeys to a higher level by being present when we speak with people. We know better than to put off an act of kindness or saying I love you. As we spread this “now action” others will receive it and play it forward. And it all started with a baby’s grace.

“Remember, none of us came to this world for a permanent stay.”

Vicky Bates 2012



Vicky Bates

After 18 years of marriage and career, we decided to adopt two babies. My oldest had many health issues which after 10 years led to a fatal anaphylactic shock. I believe that my spiritual beliefs helped me understand that the tragedies we face challenge us to confront our pain and slowly work through it. That is what I did through helping with hospice and watching the process of transition for the dying and seeing that even in the hardest times the gentle kindness of humor is a necessary tool.

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