Since my daughter Jeannine’s death over eight years ago, I learned that the only thing I could control was the present. Doing this made it easier to allow the universe to take care of my future.  However, I have recently begun to discover the role of the past in enhancing my quality of life in the present and…future.

During a trip to Long Island last year,  I was introduced to the power of animal medicine. The lessons that animals teach us is beautifully described in the book, Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways of Animals, by Jamie Sams.  I never had considered the animals as sources of teaching and wisdom while Jeannine was alive. However, since Jeannine’s death, I have learned to embrace non-ordinary phenomenon to provide clarity in a world without her physical presence.

Frankly, my old ways of thinking about and relating to the world no longer applied. I believed that animal medicine would be another unique way  to learn lessons about myself, the world and my grief journey. When I got home, I recorded every animal that crossed my path, consulted the Sams book, and wrote the teachings I believed were being conveyed to me.  These teachings were always relevant to my present reality.

Earlier last month, there was a stretch of several days where I saw crows everywhere. They were on the side of the road  or flying over my car .  Another time, two of them walked unceremoniously across my yard while I enjoyed a morning cup of coffee.

Sams states that one of the teachings of crow medicine involves “balancing the past, present and future in the now.”  Sams summed this perspective up very eloquently: “Honor the past as your teacher, honor the present as your creation, and honor the future as your inspiration.” I thought I had been living this mantra since Jeannine died, but crow apparently thought I was missing something.

I didn’t fully understand what crow was trying to teach me until I had a recent session with a Holistic Practitioner. During this session, we discussed  family and childhood issues. They also surfaced in two previous sessions with her.

I disclosed that my favorite uncle, who had died when I was 14, was prominent in my thoughts lately.  It then occurred to me that I needed to honor his past influence on me, in the present.

After disclosing this to her, she suggested that I create a sacred space containing inanimate objects representing my ancestors and Jeannine.  I began to use that space, twice a week to acknowledge their qualities that has helped me in the present, and that would help me in the future. Doing this has given me a sense of peace and a belief that Jeannine as well as my ancestors have influenced my grief journey from the beginning.

Once I discovered that crow wanted me to more fully honor my ancestors, in the present and future, he stopped making his presence known to me.  However, I suspect that I will continue to embrace the teachings of other animals throughout my grief journey.

Dave Roberts 2011

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David Roberts

David J. Roberts, LMSW, became a parent who experienced the death of a child, when his daughter Jeannine died of cancer on 3/1/03 at the age of 18. He is a retired addiction professional and an adjunct professor in the psychology and psychology child-life departments at Utica College in Utica, New York. Dave is a featured speaker, workshop facilitator and coach for Aspire Place, LLC. Dave has also been a past national workshop facilitator for The Compassionate Friends and a past national workshop facilitator and keynote speaker for The Bereaved Parents of the USA. Dave also co-presented a workshop titled “Helping Faculty After Traumatic Loss” for the Parkland, Florida community in May of 2018,in the aftermath of the mass shootings at Stoneman Douglas High School. Dave was also a keynote speaker at The Tom Coughlin Jay Fund Remembrance Weekend during in June of 2019 in Ponte Vedra, Florida .Dave has also done numerous workshops at the local and regional levels related to transformation from grief and loss. He is the co-author with Reverend Patty Furino of the recently published book "When The Psychology Professor Met The Minister" which is available for purchase on Amazon. For more information about their book,please go to: https://psychologyprofessorandminister.com/ Dave has been a past HuffPost contributor and has also published articles with the Open to Hope Foundation, The Grief Toolbox, Recovering the Self Journal, Mindfulness and Grief, and Thrive Global. He is currently a regular contributor to Medium. One of Dave's articles, My Daughter is Never Far Away, can also be found in Open to Hope: Inspirational Stories of Healing and Loss. Excerpts from Dave's article for The Open to Hope Foundation, called The Broken Places were featured in the Paraclete Press DVD video, Grieving the Sudden Death of a Loved One. He has appeared on numerous radio and internet broadcasts and Open to Hope Television. Dave was also part of a panel in 2016 for the BBC Podcast, World Have Your Say, with other grief experts, discussing the death of Carrie Fisher. Dave’s website: www.bootsyandangel.com is devoted to providing support and resources for individuals experiencing loss.

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