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‘How Can I Help if I Don’t Know You’re Hurting?’

Posted on December 3, 2017 - by Carla J Vagnini

As a caregiver of a parent with Alzheimer’s dementia, I struggle with myself when I find out my father has been hurting and won’t tell me about it. My husband and I are caregivers for my father who will be turning 80 next year. Whenever we’re with him, we focus on the positive and talk about the memories he recounts, even those that were from before I was born. Most recently after seeing a significant weight loss in my father, I noticed he was chewing his food differently. I didn’t say anything but knew he didn’t want to go back […]

A Healing Walk in the Cemetery

Posted on December 3, 2017 - by Nina Impala

When our loved ones pass, the loss is visceral, all encompassing. The cemetery feels like a sad place, but as time passes it can be a place of comfort and peace. I never thought this until I recently moved near one. Literally, it is in my front yard. It is a very beautiful place full of artwork, sculptures, chapels, museums and even the most heavenly meditation garden. It is a place not just of endings but also beginnings. When we are in the throes of grief, it is hard to see beyond the next minute or hour. Life feels arduous […]

Stories I Do Not Tell: Grief & Spirituality

Posted on November 16, 2017 - by Tambre Leighn

Einstein said, “Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be changed from one form into another.” Strange that a scientist’s quote brought me comfort in dealing with the death of my husband, Gary. It also became the means by which I convinced myself I wasn’t crazy when seemingly inexplicable, spiritual experiences happened. These are stories I’ve rarely shared. I chose to keep them mostly private. Why? Because I feared being judged. Now, I simply do not care what others think. Feeling the presence of the loved ones we’ve lost can be comforting. Is it real or imagined? I don’t have […]

I Became a 26-Year-Old Widow

Posted on November 15, 2017 - by Laura Macauley

Life throws everybody curve balls. They can be minimal, or heartbreaking, but they are unexpected. On the morning of December 31st, 2016, I would never imagine that it would be the last time I would wake up next to my husband, James. I would never believe that our last kiss was when the clock struck midnight while we celebrated the New Year’s entrance. My wonderful husband passed away just a few hours after that kiss. He died instantly without any warning. I had no idea I was watching him take his last breath. I could write a full book on […]

Finding a Way From Christmas Sorrow to Christmas Joy

Posted on November 15, 2017 - by Jill Smoot

Giving gifts to others has always been for me so meaningful, special. And Christmas seems to symbolize this more than any other time of year. But my first Christmas three months after our son’s death found me drained and wrung out. I didn’t feel like a “gifter”, only an empty-handed “griever”. Sorrow hurts, but it is also an energy thief, robbing one of motivation to do even simple tasks. All the festive things I usually did at this time of year, I now dreaded. Mailing cards to family and friends with new updates felt overwhelming. Why could I just not crawl […]

Saying ‘No’ to Holiday Traditions is OK After a Loss

Posted on November 14, 2017 - by Greg Adams

For many of us, for much of the time, it is hard to say “no.” Even when we’re busy, even when we’re tired, even when it’s something we really don’t want to do. It’s especially hard when it’s something that we’ve done before, when it’s been our routine, our habit, or our tradition. We get into patterns and they’re hard to change. One of our patterns and traditions can be saying “yes” when asked, especially by friends, family, and those we respect. One of the harder voices to say “no” to is that voice in our head. The one that […]

Elsa Aguilera: Grief and Culture

Posted on November 10, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

Dr. Gloria Horsley of The Open to Hope Foundation spoke with Elsa Aguilera during the Association for Death Education and Counseling conference. Aguilera’s mother is an immigrant, and she considers herself a first generation American. She noticed some big differences in grief between both sides of her family. On her mother’s side, grieving is very quiet and polite. On her father’s side, it’s more of a celebration of life. “It’s very interesting to be raised in a culture like that,” she says. When asked which culture’s grieving process she enjoys the most, Aguilera says that (being from Texas) simply being […]

Mateo Gomez: Grief (en espanol)

Posted on November 8, 2017 - by John Rampton

John Rampton, de Open to Hope, habla con Mateo Gomez en este segmento acerca de cómo se le puede ayudar a los dolientes después de una pérdida de un ser querido. Esta entrevista esa enfocada a aquellos de cultura Hispana, ya que ellos enfrentan diferentes obstáculos en lo que es el duelo. Gomez tiene experiencia en este departamento, ya que él trabaja para Forest Lawn, una funeraria en Los Ángeles. Entre sus consejos, Gomez comparte que, “lo que recomiendo, porque los Hispanos no lo hacemos, es que busquemos ayuda.” Una de las formas en las que Gomez ayuda es montando […]

Natural Disasters Leave Grief Among the Ruins

Posted on November 5, 2017 - by Susan Berger

The havoc wrought by recent natural disasters – hurricanes in Houston and Florida, the US Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico, wild fires in Northern California, the earthquakes in Mexico — remind me of how destructive natural disasters can be to those affected by them. Not only have many lives been lost – wives, husbands, children, parents, pets – but also homes, schools, hospitals, entire neighborhoods and communities. Think about the memories contained in all those people and places. We humans form many attachments in the course of our lives. First and foremost, we value our family members and friends. Beyond […]

Grief of a Miscarriage is Real

Posted on November 3, 2017 - by Catherine McNulty

For me, the loss of my child due to miscarriage was just as painful as the loss of my living infant. It’s a fact that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage or loss. Miscarriage often happens early in pregnancy, so we tend to discount that the pregnancy was “real”. I assure you that the pain you feel is very real. There was a biochemical and maternal desire in me to have a child. I knew being a mother was part of my journey. When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I was overwhelmed. At first, […]