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Doneley Meris: Diversity and Grief

Posted on July 30, 2017 - by Heidi Horsley

A psychotherapist in New York City, Doneley Meris’ mother was a nurse and he was exposed to death and dying from a very young age. “I love what I do,” he tells Dr. Heidi Horsley during the Association for Death Education and Counseling 2015 conference. Working in the field of death and grieving for 34 years, Meris has a private practice in Tribeca and runs the HIV Arts Network which serves people living with HIV/AIDs, providing support group services. Dr. Horsley asks Meris whether, as a Filipino American, there are big cultural differences in how death is approached. Meris notes […]

Shades of Grief: Culture Shapes Our Mourning

Posted on July 30, 2017 - by Charles Patterson

Apple recently developed a screen with a billion different colors and advertised it as an improvement. It may be on iPad, or iMac, or both. But who cares? We already own screens with plenty of colors. We didn’t buy them for the colors. We bought them for data processing, mainly words, and news. News often comes in pictures, but we want the information, not the colors. A little color adds information, and interest, but a little is enough. You think Apple will sell many new screens? In grief, we want to work through the process and come out the […]

An Evolution of Feeling: How Grief Changes Over Time

Posted on July 26, 2017 - by Robert Goor

I’ve noticed that, as a rule, we don’t particularly care to talk about how old we are, so I was amused when a friend did some arithmetic based on some of my recollections and determined that I am 70. We had been discussing worry and he wondered if I worry less now that I am older (not “old,” mind you, but “older”). It’s an interesting question and part of the broader issue of how my experience of feeling has evolved. Mark Twain, on the occasion of attaining his seven decade milestone, said that now that he had climbed the […]

How Can I Connect with My Child-In-Spirit?

Posted on July 25, 2017 - by Sheri Perl

How Can I Connect with My Child-In-Spirit? If you are reading this article, let me first say that I am so sorry for your loss. No one understands the wounds of loss better than another bereaved parent. Nothing is more devastating than attending your own child’s funeral, and I’m sorry to be welcoming you to this club. That said, let me share with you the one piece of good news that may allow you to breathe again: What you lose in the flesh you can find in the spirit, for spirit is eternal and death comes only to the body. […]

Gardening Through Grief

Posted on July 24, 2017 - by Jill Smoot

I think back to the summer of 2011, when our oldest son died suddenly in August. From that moment on, my life forever changed. All the plans I had made were now in the background as I searched for normalcy. Even daily routines were put on hold, as I grappled with just doing the next thing in my broken life. And that included a Master Gardening class I had previously enrolled in, paid for, and was scheduled to begin that fall. I told my husband that there was no way I would do this class. In those first stages […]

My First Death

Posted on July 23, 2017 - by Bob Baugher

His name was Donald and I first met him when he was 9 and I was 12. His was the first Black family to move into our Seattle neighborhood back in the late 1950s. I remember a man and his wife who had recently moved to our neighborhood from Mississippi—a nice couple—or so I thought until they put up a Confederate flag in their living room window a couple days after Donald and his parents moved in. I remember Donald as a gentle, sometimes sickly boy who worked hard at fitting in with the neighborhood children. After a year, he […]

Shades of Grief: How Do We Know What’s Normal?

Posted on July 23, 2017 - by Charles Patterson

Everyone grieves differently. We’re all individuals. No two people are exactly the same biologically or psychologically. Even your “identical” twin is different–if you have one. You both came from the same set of genes, but when that set divided into the two of you, accidents may have happen: little accidents that don’t prevent a good life, or big ones that end life. You may have had a twin that you never met. And, everyone’s course of growth and development follows a different path from conception to death. The fall of every raindrop follows a different route from cloud to […]

‘His Life Was Brief’: Grieving the Death of an Infant

Posted on July 23, 2017 - by Catherine McNulty

The first time I saw my son, he was lying in a NICU incubator with a small, clear tube protruding from his mouth to help him breathe. The adhesive that kept the ventilator tube in place covered most of his tiny face. His eyes were closed, taped shut to keep out the bright light. He lay there, tiny and helpless, as the doctors explained to me that he needed surgery to close the whole between his heart and his lungs. In healthy newborns, this hole closes at birth. In premature infants like Jackson, it doesn’t. As his tiny body lay […]

Grief 101: Is There Value In Suffering?

Posted on July 17, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

Grief 101 is the title of my presentation at the Compassionate Friends Conference on July 28, 2017 in Orlando, Florida. It will be a very heartfelt conference and will be attended by over one thousand bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents as well as other friends and family. As I prepare my workshop I ask myself the question, “What can I possibly say that will ease their suffering?” I know the depths of their hurt as a number of years ago our son, Scott and his cousin died in a fiery automobile crash. At the time my pain was so great […]

Choosing the ‘Right’ Memorial for Your Loved One

Posted on July 9, 2017 - by Harriet Hodgson

When I was growing up, the neighbors who lived behind us installed a new patio and garden in their backyard. On a plaque in front of the garden were the words, Thank You Mom and Dad. “I think that’s really nice,” my mother commented. “They used money they inherited from their parents to pay for the patio and garden.” Planting a garden is one way to memorialize your loved one. Whatever you choose to do, you want the memorial to be “right.” When it comes to memorials, I think the bereaved have several options. One is to choose something that […]